Musk's stupid car killed Mitch McConnell's billionaire sister-in-law

If I were a driver, I'd simply keep my automobile on land.

People who've never seen a pond in their rear view mirror don't understand the struggle
mixed up her wets and her dries, rookie mistake
you'd think a shipping mogul would know better
- Yeah, you can't be having your wets getting dry, or dries getting wet like what happened here.
My car is just built different
Skill issue smh

lol
This is beautiful.
I learned recently that Drew Toothpaste stole that account from a trans woman and fucked over all the people that made stuff like that very image. The posts aren't as good lately and half of them are hawking shirts and mugs, that's why.
- which account, dasharez0ne??

Never get in a helicopter, small plane, or Tesla

Don't forget the submarine controlled by a discount Xbox controller.
- Always felt bad for the kid that was afraid of going in the sub and his fuckin dad pressured the shit out of him into doing it

Hexbear reactions to such events are honestly so refreshing. Keeping me sane.

- 🦀
Main reason I'm here. Back when this was a subreddit and COVID was starting, it was real nice having a place I could go where people were reacting like normal people.

tragically drowned

debatable

"CEO on her Texas ranch"
Remember the LMAO

Curious. I backed my car up earlier and it was super easy. Didn't drown, didn't need to break a window to save myself. Maybe I'm just infinitely smarter.

if you're smarter then why aren't you a billionaire
- Because I'm too busy thinking of ways to not drown in a pond.
Making a three point turn in a newer model x requires tapping on a touchscreen to shift between drive and reverse.
There's also an optional "smart" feature that's supposed to automatically switch into either drive or reverse but because it uses cameras and not ultrasonic sensors shadows often confuse it.
- Everything about the statement scares me. Lol
- newer model x requires tapping on a touchscreen to shift between drive and reverse
  you have got to be kidding me. how the fuck do people tolerate this garbage
- tapping on a touchscreen to shift between drive and reverse
  ho-ly-shit lmao

billionaire shipping industry CEO, tragically drowned in a pond

tragically???

one fire department crew arrived on the scene 24 minutes after getting a call.

So she was already long dead

Efforts to resuscitate Chao began immediately with paramedics attempting to revive her for 43 minutes.

Only billionaires get this treatment

The Virgin Angela Chow: "Help, I, a billionaire, am drowning in my Redditmobile, gurgle gurgle" wastes hours of firefighter and paramedic time and resources. Waterlogged corpse gets dunked on.
The Chad Aaron Bushnell: "I will no longer be complicit in genocide, free Palestine" wastes hours of Israeli embassy security and US police time and resources. Immortalised in flames, gets vigils from China to Lebanon.
So she was already long dead
Isn't the cybertruck nominally kind of waterproof or something? I mean even your average car takes a while to sink and fill up with water, I could imagine the cybertruck holding out shittily but survivably for a good, I dunno, 20 minutes or so?
- it wasnt a cyber truck

capitalists will sell ~~you the rope you'll hang them with~~ themselves the tesla they'll drown themselves in

I know someone died but it's a capitalist in a bazingamobile, I can't help but laugh

This makes 6 billionaires in the past year who were killed by water. Has Poseidon joined the cause of the proletariat?

how could you doubt it after the orca attacks?
I was saying this last year
Don't forget the US SEAL that was knocked off the ladder a couple months ago and the second SEAL that decided to do a 1000IQ play and jump into the ocean at night after the first one.
They must have all eaten devil fruits

Vaxxed?

The German that got vaxxed 217 times has not drowned. Curious.
- its like a bell curve you're safe when your unvaxxed or overvaxxed
  just do the opposite of what Fauci tells you and you're good

I’m laughing about this like

laughed when Ruth Bader Ginsburg died

His joker laughing reminds me of my own maniacal breakdown. Back in 2020 when it was looking increasingly clear that Bernie was going to get ratfucked, I was getting drunk in a discord call with some friends. I randomly saw that fucking picture of Brandon's exploding eye. And I just fucking lost it. Laughing hysterically, unable to breathe or move or think. All I could choke out was "we're all gonna fucking die". I guess we're all allotted one of those moments in our lifetime.
- Jesus fucking Christ. I don't know how I never saw that before. Hahaha
My first thought was "Derisive Homer Simpson Laughter:
Maybe we'll get a WTYP episode out of this

Critical support

Angela Ciao

Lmao

The existence of the Cybertruck window demonstration video makes this whole thing extra hilarious. Not strong enough to serve a purpose, just strong enough to kill.

Though I will say, that had to be an awful experience for the firefighters or whoever was trying to rescue her, I hope they get some compensation from

laughing my ass off at this comment lol, aged like a fine wine
- Unrelated but your profile name is great

ahaha sometimes things just really line up well and make you smile

see ya

So you're telling me that Musk has ruined Twitter and contributed to the death of a billionaire with political ties? I'm supposed to hate this guy??

He’s waging a protracted CEO’s war against the ruling class after reading Marx and we were too stupid to see. Trust the plan. Patriots are in control

uncritical support to comrade pond

What makes this particularly funny to me is that she didn't drive into the ocean, a roaring river, or a lake, but she drove into and died in a pond.
I previously only considered ponds a threat to human infants and toddlers. Humiliating.
- she reversed into a pond and drowned
That's what I'm saying. It's the real hero of this story.
o7

It sure would be sad if they all killed themselves before we got the

set up.

The capitalists will sell each other the rope with which they will accidentally hang themselves.

lol:

But details of how Chao's Tesla ended up in the pond have not yet been divulged by authorities, leading some people, including J. Kyle Bass, a prominent hedge fund manager and founder of Texas-based Hayman Capital Management, to question if the Tesla was hacked.

"Does the Blanco County Sheriff have the technical capacity to investigate the Tesla logs to determine if the car was tampered with or even hacked?" Bass wrote on X. "This case continues to become more and more suspicious."

Authorities said she may have drowned when her Tesla submerged into a pond.
Interesting
- Looking into it
- !!
- Look, she could have died of a random brain aneurysm 5 seconds before she would have otherwise drowned, thus absolving Tesla of any wrongdoing.
It’s not suspicious, your billionaire buddy was just a dumbass
Great technical literacy
Why is it always the people who are still using Hotmail email addresses for their personal making the hacking accusations? Is hacking going to become the next "woke" for chuds???
- Russia hacked my ass, making me shit my pants.
Why are the tech chuds trying to kill ancient GOP goblins and their in-laws?

tragically

Palestinian children being genocided is a tactical miscalculation of greater than nominal weapons system lethality.
Billionaire driving themselves into their private lake in a 100k car by virtue of their own incompetence is a tragedy.
Hey, don’t be disrespectful! That pond pond was hit by a Tesla. Blades of grass were irrevocably ruined. Maybe some ants got crushed.

Billionaire on billionaire violence, you love to see it.

It'd be great if this lead to a mass recall of Teslas.

Angela: "Tesla AI self driving mode."

Tesla Car Voice: "Destination"

Angela: "I'm feeling lucky, pick a random location."

Tesla Car Voice: ::: spoiler spoiler "Davey Jones' Locker selected, starting now"

:::

Angela: "Tesla, take me to where I am meant to go"
Tesla: "You have selected: brutal death. Buckle up"

LMAO FUCKING BASED.

LETS GOOOOOOOO

Edit - Look at the cope in the replies.

Edit 2 - THERE IS A R/CONSPIRACY THREAD With 100s of comments.

lmfao the dorks in the conspiracy thread saying this wouldn't have happened if she was armed, obviously the jews took away her window shooting out gun, smdh
- ofc the thread is also full of anti-Asian racism from a bunch of dorks believing the US is controlled by Chinese fentanyl smugglers, and people getting hot and bothered about her being killed by a "hacked EV" because they can't imagine a billionaire is too inept at everyday life to not just back her car into a pond on her own.
  Also none of them notice how the crucial billionaire removing feature here are the bulletproof windows that all of these stupid fucks would have on their own cars "because of BLM antifa terrorists" if they could afford them.
- Lmao Americans are so gun brained they can't even comprehend that you can break a car window without using a ranged firearm instead of a simple glass shattering tool that sells for like five bucks
- p sure a piece of ceramic would do it - spark plug or similar
- Imagine firing a gun inside a seal-closed car, that's gotta explode your ears
  But even so, wasn't the glass bullet-proof?
- Please encourage billionaires to discharge a firearm in a 50 cubic foot space pressurized by water so as to prevent the Shockwave from shattering the glass. They're small ear bones are yearning to be shattered.
The conspiracy is that the NTSB should have more oversight and summary execution powers.
The fascists coping about how it's "suspicious" along with their fascist nonsense in the replies makes me really happy I'm not using that nazi app
lmfao

At least she died doing what she loved. I assume she loved drowning.

Accidently put in reverse

Glass nearly impossible to break underwater

I feel like there is a possible B-Story here about the Cybertrucks dumb-ass way of choosing gears that might play into the accidental reverse here

fortune "earned" from moving objects over water

It really is crazy how American view their cars as personal tanks protecting them against other drivers which leads to them trying to make cars indestructible, forgetting that insufficient cushioning for the squishy human inside is much, much more likely to kill them.

Also they need bulletproof glass to protect them from the "criminals", which is why a less car-centric society is a completely terrifying prospect. But at the same time they also believe that we shouldn't reduce the number of guns in the country and everyone should be armed to the teeth at all times.

but without air.

I'm not really sorry, it sounds horrific but she was who she was...

Honestly it sounds like a scene out of a 00's Ben Stiller comedy. It sounds like a deleted scene from Zoolander. All his friends died except for one, who then put his car in reverse and slowly drowned in a pond.
The fact that they call it a pond even! Not a lake, that would be too big. She drowned in a fucking pond! There's about three carps that will feast on her for years to come.

I'm sorry to report that all three carps have perished after a brief moment of being the least depressed beings in existance, due to lithium poisoning
- THAT explains how her death was tragic! RIP to three real ones

If I had a billion dollars I would simply never drive myself, and I would not ride in a Tesla. It's the same car that techbros drive and has a subpar safety record.

A lot of celebrities used to drive Priuses as the eco-friendly choice back when it was new, and I didn't read anything about them dying in crashes. But Priuses don't have the acceleration of a drag racer or quality control problems.

The 2nd gen prius actually suffered from toyotas ethrottle problems where theyd get stuck at full throttle. As far as i remember, it only ever officially killed the occupants of one car, but toyota did a great job of sweeping that under the rug.
- They only had to lift up the corner of the rug, really. The throttle did the sweeping.

Never have i ever seen something so cathartically comedic

makes life worth living as a lefty. a little treat you can say

double W. billionaire eats it and tesla prob gets major lawsuit

I feel bad for the pond, though.
- That pond took one for the team

I love how everything about the tesla breaks easily EXCEPT the thing that should break easily.

They tell you not to drive into ponds in the manual

why would you live on a RANCH in TEXAS.
Because your're not one of them (((elitist))) big city liberals, you're a real average Jane salt of the earth kind of person.

What a stupid way to die

wtf I love Teslas now

Do billionaires normally survive backing into ponds?

Billionaires ate the devil fruit that gives you money but in turn, they can't swim because the sea hates them
- A bit of a stretch.
It's no basis for a system of government

I keep one of those glass breaking hammers attached directly to my driver's side sun blocker thingy.

This is very funny. Musk doing more praxis than almost anyone here.

But surely the first responders would have had one of those?
- I think in general the glass is easier to break from the inside, but hell if I know with a Tesla
- I haven't met a first responder who doesn't have a pocket knife with the ceramic bit to break glass, one of the window punches, or in the case of firefighters, giant fucking axes and glass saws. I've seen them used in person, and if those couldn't get them inside quickly, well... holy shit.

More like Angela 潮

Yes I know her surname isn't cháo as in 潮 (tides/waves) but I'd like to imagine a shipping magnate who eventually drowned having a surname to do with the tides to be funnier.

With all that money she should have paid for the optional extra safety feature for her Tesla:

Objectively hilarious

I don't think the Model X comes with bulletproof glass standard, which means that either Tesla found a way to screw up regular safety glass or that Chao went out of her way to replace the standard glass with bulletproof glass. Either way

They screwed up regular safety glass. It's supposed to be "tough" glass to deter people trying to break into them, but isn't actually strong enough for that (Hitting them with a bit of pipe or a brick hard enough still breaks them fine) but they're too strong to break with your fists or feet from the inside. It's like a weird anti-safety measure.
- On the buses here they give the passengers a little metal spike to break the windows in case of a roll (all the bus doors are on one side)

critical support to elon musk in his protracted war against other billionaires

You have been SUBMERGED!

Tesla's have now done more for the people than I ever could

Lol owned

what unexpected good news! Hahaha

Nature is hitting back

Imagine getting killed by the park assist because AI can't register surfaces as being solid or liquid.
Also...
Park assist does not detect children.

Musk is doing more praxis than you. What's your excuse?

Critical support.

This is possibly one of the greatest run on sentences ive ever read.

Stopped clock is right twice a day

the space goddess of the ketamine metaphysical realm is actually really based and now has complete control over her puppet

fuck

though, this doesnt make him any cooler

This just made my day

Well if you want the glass to be able to possibly survive someone breaking into it or being hit by something from outside (which seems they are doing better since that hilarious moment on stage). Then it seems that it would be obvious that it would mean also not being easy to break from inside. Even if it were regular car windows, the shit is hard to just break out from the inside without a pick or something else with a hard point. Also very curious how fast she had to have reversed to not have been able to stop and switch to drive or open the damn door. Not meaning to defend Tesla (and more specifically Musk), but kind of get the feeling she would have met the same fate in some other brand. Very stupid for someone that runs a shipping company to not know why it is important to not just floor it while being so close to a body of water.

If we are lucky, we will see more CEOs meet similar fates. Put there by their own incompetence and their last moments having nothing but fear. Their wealth and egos being unable to save them.

I feel like I'm always doing safety-related PSAs on Hexbear so excuse me being one note but I think every car should have at least one of these little seatbelt cutter/window glass breakers in them.
They are cheap and you're almost certainly never going to use one of them but if you're trapped in a car and you need to get through a seatbelt or a window, having one of these can save critical minutes and possibly even lives.
Just make sure that you put them somewhere within reach of the driver's seat - if you have to unbuckle yourself and rummage around in the backseat to get to this, it ain't gonna be worth shit in a serious emergency.
After the revolution I will make these mandatory in all cars.
- This is not exclusively a tesla problem. Many modern cars have laminated windows that are hard to break. AAA research on useless escape tools raises concerns about virtually indestructible glass windows in vehicles
If you let the car fill and equalize the pressure, you can simply open the door and swim away. This works on most cars because there's lots of holes that keep air out, but not water. I would wager its much more likely that the stupid electric door releases are what actually killed her. Agree with your point that glass is hard to break regardless, but if you have a physical handle, you should be able to open it, even underwater.
- The only problem is that as soon as that Tesla hit the water, the panels rusted instantly and the rust sealed all the gaps.
- So i'm pretty sure on most telsas, the mechanical door release is fairly accessible in the front seats.
  The back seats are where it gets interesting

Lol. Lmao, even.

One down a few hundred to go.

I imagine this like the scene from The office, with the GPS having Michael drive into a pond. The Tesla took control, because the driver was foolishly trying to go the wrong way, and just drove full on into the water.

This is literally a Dr. Who episode

wtf i love tesla now

That's a perfect storm of funny 🤣

how many billionaires get killed by water and/or cars, it seems like water and/or cars does a really good job of killing them

It's hardly going to be accidents at work lol

Imagine building a car so stupid that you can't just open the door

Maybe the tesla was on fire which is why she drove into the lake

She was a fool then, water can't put out Tesla fires, she should've driven it into a giant pile of sand.

lol

It's a shame there wasn't a crowd present to howl with laughter the entire time.

Lol did they make the window indestructible because they smashed a window at the demonstration? Everything is reactive nonsense. What’s next? The seat belts are steel reinforced so firefighters can’t cut you loose?