Your username has suddenly become your only means of staying alive. How bad is it?

No shit, Sherlock

I'm good until I run out, I guess.

Oh dear.

I dont like this game

A little slimy and unconventional but I’m up for the challenge

Finally, my time to shine.

I’m just confused

I have no idea why situation would cause smoking weed and having sex with sharks to be a matter of life and death but I'm incredibly curious to find out

I'd say pretty fucked, one way or another.

Pretty sure my time would be up.

I like my odds

I planned for this exact scenario

Either I'm a lawyer for warlocks making sure they don't enter tricky contracts with devils, which I assume pays well, or I'm a lawyer and a warlock so will soon have my own TV show.

I'm more worried about innocent bystanders tbh...

Let loose the flaming giant elephants of war

I have food and transport, I think I'll be ok.

I guess eternal life through some profane kind of undead cyborg magic... Bad maybe?

It’s great.

It’s the choice of a new generation.

I don't know what's in it, but its keeping me alive.

The cure is worse than the disease.

Well considering I only learnt to drive automatic, it’s not looking good.

Pretty good I think!

Vanth is from Etruscan mythology, a female demon that escorts the dead through the underworld. Generally seen as a helpful guide rather than mean or frightening. So if I can mix mythologies for the sake of a colorful mental image, Hell-Uber across the river Styx, please tip your driver.

On the plus side, I probably don't need much income as a demon.

Guess Im poopin.

If knowledge is real and can be applied to anything, I guess I'll be alright

I would survive just fine as long as you follow my instructions. I can live on a diet of 90% hay with a small amount of species appropriate pellets and a salad every day. I am going to need a lot of room to play and shouldn't be confined to a small cage. At minimum I need an exercise pen as my home base with at least 6 hours so I can run around the house and binky. I should have a box to hide in because I'm easily frightened and I would live underground in the wild. I will do better if you keep my water in a bowl but by all means put it in a bottle if i prefer that. It's better for me to stay hydrated than to try to exist within some ideal that doesn't work for me.

And for the love of God it's a myth that I don't need medical care! I have a very sensitive digestive system and it's a critical emergency if I don't eat for more than a few hours or if my eating slows and my poops get small. So many people say their lagomorphlecture just died with no warning but if they knew what the warnings were and took them to get treatment they would be ok.

I should definitely be soayed or neutered regardless of your society's beliefs about that. Uterine and testicular cancer are very common and I'm unlikely to live past 6bor 7 years old if you don't get me fixed.

I am a very social creature and I should be kept with a bonded mate. If I lose my mate I will become depressed and need either a new lagomorphlecture to keep me company or a lot of your time to help me get through it. It can help me accept the loss if you show me the body of my mate so I can understand and accept that they are gone.

I will provide you with further instructions for my care later on.

Well, I guess I will be up all day and night.

My mighty herd will protect me! 🐐

I have meat at least

I guess something is better than nothing.

I guess I'll just jump into the nearest body of water, even better if it's at night.

Well I won't have any problems with doctors I suppose

Can i manifest it as a super power?

Staying "alive" shouldn't be a problem.

I'm used to it.

I'm in GREAT shape. :D

Roll around in some kelp and then float away

Depends on where I live. I'm dead in the coming summer.

I'll be fine with the powers of the wizard king of Israel, weed and dinner for two...

I'm set for as long as breakfast is overburdened

Not happy about this, but present

I'm really impressed at how well I'm staying alive...wow!

I'm pretty happy.

I guess I’m in my twenties forever now‽

I cast spells

I'm... uhh. I think I'm screwed here.

Maybe I can try to convince people to put me in charge

Well, coffee is essential. It's just more on the nose now.

Depends on which one it is, one of them is significantly more helpful than the other.

I am the person who should have died at every turn, but somehow being the only one that lives to the end, I imagine.

or I die by licking a diseased corpse.

So, hard to tell if its good or bad.

Not too bad,

I didn't choose the chug life, the chug life choo-choo chose me!

(And it's got a picture of a train!)

I'll be OK.

At least I’ll be fed

May very well go up in flames, is how bad.

....... Ohhh.......

...... Ohhhh nooooo........

(unless it doesn't have to be literal if I can get a job voicing Facebones let's fuckin gooooo)

I'm in command but my crew had BETTER stay on my good side.

I mean... I'm a pope and a king. I think I'll be alright.

Oh fuck.

Uhhhh...

I can't think of anything more metal than subsisting on arsenic, lead, and belladonna mixtures.

Not nice

I feel pretty safe

I'll survive for a little bit but I will almost certainly be the cause of my own death.

Looks like I'm drinking my way out of this. Who wants a brewski?

It's me or the other guy

I think it'll be okay come night time.

I spelt mine wrong.

I'm a lazy boy there's no doubt about it Might take a miracle to get me started

Another day on the job, comrades

This is not how I expected to get a degree in arachnology

Not bad at all.

I have to either rob or digitally pleasure someone named Cooper

Si vous dites mon nom, vous comprendrez.

Will you have a cup of tea? Ah go on, there’s plenty in the pot. Go on, have a cup of tea, so. Go on! Go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on go on ….

For fuck sakes, can we not do this on Lemmy

I guess I'm a black rabbit now. Could be worse.

Oh I'll be "Stayin' alive," alright.

Very bad. I'll I've got is a really gross bagel

Time to stab Polyphemus in the eye and get outta this cave, I reckon.

I sell tea, as 418 is a teapot, so I'd say not so bad

Guess I'm setting fire to a lot of robots ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Welp, time to change my diet, as if they didn't have it rough already by being lonely. Sorry little dudes

It's bad.

Not so bad

I think I'll be ok.

I'm gonna have what plants crave.

I gotta eat pineapples

could be worse

Has a slightly toxic, mysandristic taste to it, but overall the stew is much more palatable than anything else that came from this awkward creature.

I'll be fine

I mean there are a lot of doors that are our only means of staying alive in some way. Doors are very important.

I'll be just fine.

My username is a bird that steals fish. I'm not sure how I'm going to get on the good side of one, but I guess I'd better get used to either seafood or hunger

I uh ... might be okay once I figure out what's going on

You got a quarter?

Sorry guys, the end times are on us, but at least they're cute and fluffy.

Sounds like I'll be doing psychedelics or phenethylamines possibly. Not a bad way to live.

Brb, loading up on carbs.

It's my name, so I guess I'll do ok?

Oranges and collared greens, I suppose. Could be worse.

Every 3 letter agency would be after me shortly

Everyone will let the Wookie win?

Well, fuck

I'm in luck! 😁

I’ll figure something out

Oh well, I'll die happy

Uhhhh I suppose I like cereal

I'm not sure about nutritional value, but it could be worse

As long as I don't run out of fuel and crash...

It's bad for you. I'm a steal yo girl, and if you come near my taniwha hideout, I'm going to eat you.

... I'm so high right now. That's probably how this ends for me: humans bringing me some cannabis, getting me too high, and leading me somewhere out of the way.

I guess I'm a rightwing pod caster now.

Suing beverage companies for having severed toes inside

I certainly wont be starving to death!

Basically no change.

I'm a very old Musketeer.

I'm going to pick my nose!

Seeing as you can't eat rocks I'd practically be dead.

Haha, I’ll still be around in millions of years.

Pretty good but I have the feeling Quantum Computing will kill me if Im not careful.

With the US healthcare system? Expensive.

If you have one of those halo things your already kind of dead right?

I'd be just fine.

I'm fucked.

I'm just some random Lord now, which theoretically will come with resources so I should be okay

Guess I'd better whip out the scarves and space berets. I'll be just fiiine.

Maybe dying isn't so bad after all...

I guess that I'm now praying to a really shitty version of Satan, uh. Or perhaps selling really cheap lamps?

("Lvxferre" is just broken Latin for "Lucifer", or "light-bringer")

Well, I can hunt, I guess.

We musn't speak of him. He is legend.

Not a lot changes

People think I'm bullshitting all the time.

Link and Shulk, doing it 69 style, would have to be involved.

I will foolishly ride my dolly to safety like a wobbly skateboard. See you later losers!

Ganon with the Morph Ball upgrade would be U N S T O P P A B L E

Im okay with this, whole movies exist with this outcome, good times ahead

It's not just about me and my dream of doing nothing. It's about all of us. I don't know what happened to me at that hypnotherapist and, I don't know, maybe it was just shock and it's wearing off now, but when I saw that fat man keel over and die - Michael, we don't have a lot of time on this earth! We weren't meant to spend it this way. Human beings were not meant to sit in little cubicles staring at computer screens all day, filling out useless forms and listening to eight different bosses drone on about about mission statements.

I came up with the spelling based on the word "pattern", and this was just a screwy way of spelling it ~30 some years ago and it's just what I've always used. I'd probably be screwed if I had to rely on it, other than finding patterns in nature can help animals stay alive, I guess? That's all I got.

McDonald's stocks go up 200%

I can live off soiled bread I suppose

The best I can make sense of it is that I make my money as some sort of emo catboy vtuber. Assuming I'm not already reasonably popular, that boils down to how good a streamer I can be and the economic factors of going into the EN vtubing industry after the initial boom. And I'm already at a disadvantage because "emo catboy" is a weak concept that lacks originality.

I stare at the wall reciting pi over and over, while my body withers, mind untethered, consumed by a mathematical void.

:,(

Pretty good actually.

I'm aceing at it, sadly.

Ooo fishies