What's a phrase you hear a lot, but disagree with?
One that comes to mind for me: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is not always true. Maybe even only half the time! Are there any phrases you tend to hear and shake your head at?
“All’s fair in love and war”
No it isn’t you fucking sociopath
That reminds me of that zach and cody episode where their mom says "alls fair in love and war" and both of them run with it and Cody ends up locking Zach in a closet as he steals the girl
It's not a great saying if used to defend acts (on the love side of things, that mindset can even ruin what it's trying to "win"), but it does make sense to keep it in mind when considering possible actions of other players. If you're fighting for someone's love or at war, don't assume there's any moral limits to what others might do and that it's thus safe to ignore those angles.
Not a fan of "it is what it is". It's called a thought-terminating cliche. It often means "I'm tired of talking about this, do it my way" when my boss says it.
I've always liked it. I guess it depends who is saying it because when my old boss said it, it meant more like, "this is the situation we're in, let's not waste time arguing about why it is the situation and let's just focus on dealing with it and going forward"
Yeah it can have wildly different meanings depending on the circumstances in which it's said. It can be "well we can't change it, may as well get on with life" all the way to "well this discussion is not gonna change anything, let's get on with fixing it". Very similar, but polar opposite sentiments.
Sure, not everything needs to be picked apart in detail. But, I never use the phrase myself. As someone else ITT pointed out, context matters, too.
I tend to say things like, "we should fix it now, worry about blame later". Or something along those lines.
,I feel like this one is context dependent. Sometimes it's just acceptance of the situation.
"Wish it weren't so hot outside, but this is Texas in August. It is what it is."
Context definitely matters. Your example wouldn't bother me.
Some people seem to think it's a mic drop in other contexts.
An entirely hollow statement, yet somehow ringing with apathy.
"Agree to disagree" is even worse, especially since often the thing you're arguing about is an empirical goddamn fact and they are not entitled to "disagree" about it. That's not having a difference of opinion; that's just fucking being wrong!
I use it when people keep complaining about situations they cannot change. Yes, we fell in the hole, yes it hurt, please just let's focus on how to get out.
"Ah fuck, this hole sucks! Who even dug that here!? My shoes are dirty, my pants are a mess!" ....
"Well.. It is what it is. Let's get out."
It’s what it’s
Ooo I get that one, but kinda the opposite way. I tell someone it has to be done this way, or to a certain standard, for it to be right. They don't want to, so they respond with that nonsense.
It do be like that
I like it. It's premise is accepting things beyond your control, allowing someone to stoically move forward rather than dwell in anxiety and disbelief.
Tautology is tautology, as I say.
The first rule of the tautology club…
I agree, when it’s used as a thought-terminating cliché. It’s also very applicable to impart acceptance of something that you can’t control.
It's good for when talking about things beyond your control. They way your boss is using it is bullshit. In that case, it is what he's choosing to decide it is.
Interesting. I use it to indicate I may not like a situation, but I have to play the have I was dealt to the best of my ability, and sometimes... Well to quote lyrics, "got to know when to hold cem, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run."
Titties what titties. Why did I think this would be funny
"Everything happens for a reason ."
No. Fuck no, and fuck you. I DARE you to say that to the faces of the endless innocent people—many of whom are CHILDREN—who have been murdered, tortured, abused, enslaved, raped, ect.
I hate how people use this but not the phrase itself.
Everything DOES happen for a reason. It's literal, precise, and accurate. Reasons dont need to be mysterious, aloof, or unknowable. They often are because we choose to stop learning but everything does happen for a reason so start looking for better questions
The reasons just don't necessarily come with any moral take away attached.
Children get bone cancer for purely physical reasons, yes, but there is no plan behind it, nothing that makes the situation better in any way and this is how the phrase is usually being used. It's people saying: "Don't be sad, something good will come of it." to the faces of grieving parents or deathly ill people who have nothing to look forward to but pain.
Religious/spiritual proselytising has completely alienated the phrase from the methodological naturalism it could express.
All those innocent people being abused usually have a reason behind it too; it's just that the reason is usually corporate greed and a lack of ethics in politics.
I mean, everything does happen for a reason. It's just that most of the time, the reason is "because so-and-so is an asshole". It makes it essentially a useless platitude, but not an untrue one. I definitely take issue with the implication of it, that there's some supreme, all-knowing authority in the universe who has this complicated, labyrinthine plan for everyone that involves massive amounts of suffering. That whole "mysterious plan of God" thing is a way for Christians to take credit for all of the good stuff that happens, while downplaying all of the bad stuff that happens as just "part of God's plan!" It's insidious.
Second time I'm bringing it up in this thread, but in response to exactly that kind of thinking is why I've adopted "the universe doesn't care, so we have to" as a phrase I try to live by.
There are so many popular ways of thinking that absolve humans and humanity of various kinds of responsibility.
It's not good.
Key indicator of privilege right there.
My preferred response to this is, "Entropy. The eventually and unstoppable heat death of the universe where none of this matters is the reason."
I think I get the sentiment that you are angry at but there is nothing wrong with that statement. It just doesn't mean "whelp, there must be some higher purpose those things are serving that we don't see" and is more like "there are some awful people doing bad things" or "they just were living in a seismic area" or "they had some genes not compatible with their survival"... There are always reasons. Not satisfying or purpose fulfilling reasons, just reasons.
I used to say this when I was a cringy 20-year-old, before I really saw and understood the world (and still believed in a god).
"Grow up and live in the real world" / "Life's not fair" / other thought-terminating cliches used to shut down anyone who wants the world to be a better place than it is. Like, I fucking know it's an unfair place. The whole point is that I would like for it to be less unfair.
I got told "life isn't fair" so many times growing up, I came up with a default comeback: "Doesn't mean you have to be."
A version of it has grown to became my tenet in life: "The universe doesn't care, so we have to."
life isn't fair
It's not as pithy, but I think "Just because you didn't get your way, doesn't mean it's unfair" would be a better sentiment for adults to tell children.
Or "I don't fucking care what happened, I just don't want to hear you whine about it". Hardly an acceptable way to talk to children, but I think it's what adults in my life meant when I was a child.
When someone who's trying to exploit me says that, I literally just beat the hell out of them to remind them how right they are and that their means of dominance isn't the only one. Real world strikes again! This time it's the reason we have manners!
I actually am guilty of using that when people try to tell me "there's someone out there for everyone." Or "don't worry, you'll find someone who loves you for you."
Like no? Life isn't fair, there's no guarantee of anything.
To your point I agree though, discussing what we'd like to improve is important.
"You'll find someone who loves you for you," is totally true, as long as you are also continuously lowering your standards until you find them.
"Life isn't fair" always bothered me, even as a kid, because it was used against me to dismiss unjust actions.
Saying something isn't fair is basically saying it's not right, it's not just.
Trying to claim the injustice against me is moot or unimportant just because there's lots of injustice in the world, seems bonkers to me.
It's an accurate statement. Life isn't fair, or right, or just. However, it ignores the fact that we as humans can choose to try to make it those things.
"Pull up by the bootstraps"aka bootstrapping was a phrase originally coined to mean something being literally impossible and is now used as a tool to shame the poor for not overcoming nearly impossible social barriers.
"That's just how they are" is always used to excuse bullies for being bullies.
aka bootstrapping
"Bootstrapping" came after "pull up by the bootstraps". The former does allude to the latter, but it isn't the same phrase; it was used in computing to refer to the initial startup of a computer, where the computer has to start up enough of itself to load its own code into memory. That's a difficult problem, but not an impractical one.
the original interpretation actually makes sense!
"He/she just tells it like it is" No, they are just saying things that resonate with you, but have no actual alignment with data, facts or morality. Simply saying things with no filter doesn't equal "like it is". I find it is usually attributed to, at best, oversimplified or completely ignorant statements, at worst, misleading and/or hateful statements.
They're just saying that it feels good to their confirmation bias.
You just reminded me of this
Those who champion "brutal honesty" are more interested in the brutality than the honest
"they say racist things and i like that because people don't like it when i say it. this way i can be racist but outsource the messaging"
good for other kinds of bigotry and douchebaggery
I think it depends on the context. If we have an expert on a topic who tries to use some form of simplified Modell and direct speach to make his knowledge more understandable for everyone it is true. Even tho it may be simplified it still contains the most important parts.
Unused ram is wasted ram. Pisses me off to no end. What I do with my ram is my concern, I don't want you bloating up and using it.
I assumed this was about sheep at first, and was confused and increasingly concerned.
Nah. It's about siege tools.
I don't want people telling me how to raise my other animals either.
RAM usually sits at 95% utilized anyway. People who say this dont know the first thing about operatig systems. They cache files...
That currently unused ram has use later on. I don't use my second ram stick without booting up a game, doesn't mean it's a waste.
People also often confuse allocated RAM with used RAM.
Depends on the context, I suppose. I always say to get twice the RAM than you think you need when building/buying a system. Like storage space, the ideal memory usage is 50 percent with the biggest memory eaters you have running. Enough to run everything you have and room to grow for the future.
Or as I prefer to say, no such thing as too much RAM (assuming your system supports it)
I mean it still technically is. Modern web browsers for example use as much memory as they can do for efficiency, but they will free up memory (to certain point) if other applications need it.
In response to gross privacy violations from big companies and governments:
"If you've done nothing wrong, you've got nothing to fear."
Here's a great response to that:
If you're at a house party and you need to take a shit, do you do it with the door wide open so everyone can see and smell you? Or do you actually understand, when it comes down to it, that there are valid reasons for wanting privacy other than wanting to get away with something wrong or illegal?
Just reading this makes me SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW!!!
“Quick question” just means you want a quick answer
I see it like a special move.
Like I'm interjecting/interrupting.
So like "Quick question attack! Where did you get that pie?"
I try to only use that when it's information I expect the person already knows and can answer quickly (i.e. generally very concrete yes/no questions of low complexity)
Yeah, I use it in contexts where if they know the answer offhand, great please help, but if they don't know, I'm not requesting they spend time or effort looking it up. I can do that myself and don't intend to offload that part.
It's like a short answer question on a quiz rather than a research paper term assignment, except leaving the answer blank on the quiz is an acceptable answer.
"lets agree to disagree"
how about fuck you, one of us is wrong and I want to know which one of us that is!
Most people don’t care about what’s true, something that took me forever to realize. Encountering humanity under the assumption that everyone cares about the truth (or any aspect of empirical and normative reality) is bound to be suuuper confusing until you figure things out. People are literally animals (we forget that), and animals are just trying to survive. Some of them are cute or loving. Not all of them are particularly “good,” and even fewer are willing to sacrifice creature comforts in pursuit of some abstract virtues. That’s why Trump gets any votes.
This is also an autistic thing of being more logical in reasoning.
I only got diagnosed at age 30, and had some bad relationships due to me wanting truth and them feeling personally attacked by my questions.
Could be why it took you some time to realise, as most neurotypical people think in past experience for reasoning. https://psychcentral.com/autism/why-people-with-autism-are-more-logical#autism-and-logical-thinking
Hmmm, while I see your point on the phrase, my friend group and I only ever use it on subjective things. Like orange juice or chocolate milk being better, for example. If we're both arguing (in a fun way) and have no good points to change the other's mind, then we agree to disagree. Haha
but there is just no right or wrong answer to every question... sometimes it's just about opinion.
sometimes these questions are trivial (which color of tie should I wear with this shirt) and sometimes they are literally life and death questions (should death penalty be legal)... and there will always be people with opposing opinions on them. "agreeing to disagree" is literally the best possible thing they can do to live in the same society.
I find it really useful to shut down discussions where no one is budging and are just overall a big waste of time. As an example, if I've been trying to convince someone that the earth is round for 10 minutes and they clearly don't have any interest in changing their view, I'll just spare me the trouble and say it. If they still refuse to let it go, I start blindly agreeing with them, that usually does the trick.
god loves you/god bless
"God loves you" is fine for me. they are usually simply wishing us happiness in their own way (sure it can be passive-aggressively throw to people they call "sinners" too).
What I really despise is "god has a plan" as words of comfort.
A plan for fucking what? Noahs ark V2? cleverly getting around the "promise not to flood the earth" clause by having greedy assholes pollute the earth in his stead ?
"Ah little 4 year old Andrew would fuck up my plans, better give him cancer... Hm, let's hit Jane with a truck just incase"
I don't appreciate that you somehow think a magic man in the sky planning something so cruel would be of any comfort to me.
I especially hate it here in the South, as it's used as a sanctimonious "fuck you" while dishonestly claiming righteousness.
For example, the last time that was said to me was when some asshole crossed a double-yellow to pass me while I was doing 22 in a 25 mph school zone (which means he was doing at least 35 or 40). When I pulled up next to him at the red light and pointed that out, he bitched at me for taking the lane instead of riding in the bike lane (that didn't exist! It was half a block of shoulder that ended!). He continued to argue that cyclists weren't entitled to use the street, then as the light changed said "bless you" as if he fucking won and drove off.
It is the most condescending, assholish thing you can say to a person and it makes me want to punch you in your smarmy goddamn face every single time.
"God love you... no one else will"
"it's just a few bad apples"
That's only half the saying. It is used most of the time as if the full thing is "a few bad apples aren't a problem because the rest are fine" rather than the real thing "a few bad apples spoil the lot."
Yeah. I always vehemently agree with the person misusing. "Yes! That's exactly it. A few bad apples spoil the bunch. Perfectly captures the problem, friend! Good call."
In French, it is actuall "a single apple" spoil the whole thing "une pomme pourrie gâte tout le panier"
I'm sure I'll get guff for this but, "common sense". Throughout my youth, when people told me something was common sense, I usually thought they were wrong.
Common sense is usually one of two things
One: your self preservation instincts
Two: ability to understand social clues and responding accordingly
The problem is that common sense isn't all that common. In Denmark we say "healthy sense" instead.
I rip into people who say "common sense". It's often used by people who aren't good communicators.
I hate the phrase in political contexts.
"We need common sense (insert) laws!"
In other words, you either agree with me or lack common sense.
That was exactly how adults used the phrase a lot for me as a kid, which made me never use it myself, ever.
I've found I like interpretating phrase "common sense" akin to this scene, from blazing saddles.
Whatever doesn't kill you makes you numb and traumatized, not stronger. Big difference.
Whatever doesn't kill you might make you stronger, but it might also make you weaker. It's highly dependent on the circumstances.
Jimmy Carr said it best:
My father always said 'Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger...until the accident.'
I liked the quote from Dr. Hibbert on the Simpsons:
"You know what they say, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
"Oh ho ho ho, no... It's made you weak as a kitten!"
Yeaaahhhh Nietzsche was making a very different point about convalescence but of course popular culture bastardized it. If Nietzsche knew that he was going to become an anthem for white girl positivity, he would... well, he'd probably gloat because he predicted that. But his gloating would look like misery.
Nietzsche and out of context excerpts, you can't possibly name a better pair.
Whatever doesn't kill me makes me wish it did
Tell that to everyone with diabetes 2 that.
people talking about not being old enough to retire.
Retirement is a function of finance not age.
There are parts of the world where it is a function of age, or at least of the number of years you've been working, because the government will pay you a pension after you worked and paid taxes this many years.
"Boys will be boys"
How about you teach your kid how to behave and respect others so they don't grow up to be an entitled asshole.
When you forget what you were about to say:
"Must not have been important"
How in the ever-living fuck could anybody come to that conclusion?
I'd only ever say it while referring to myself, and when I do it's not of a consolation to myself or maybe as a way to tell the other person to not feel sorry about distracting me and making me forget. Is that the same way you interpret it?
I appreciate this alternative interpretation. Many of the responses here are helping to show the many lenses that can be looked through at the same phrases!
Every single time that's happened to me and I later remembered what it was, it wasn't important.
Not important to them, very important to you.
I meean, if it was really important, it's very unlikely you would forget it. We use that saying a ton here
It's true, happiness can't be bought. However, what money can buy is the removal of certain obstacles to that happiness.
This one is only true after a certain point which depends on the cost of living where you live. Money absolutely buys happiness up to a point.
money can't buy happiness, but it can create the environment and conditions in which you can more easily become happy.
It fundamentally can't. Humanity has seen plenty of miserable rich folks to know the innate truth of that.
Over here in Brazil, I guess because we're a third world country that is more accustomed to poverty than the anglosphere/yurop, we have a variant of this phrase:
"Money can't buy you happiness -- But the lack of it will take your happiness away"
It's true that you can be extremely rich and still fucking depressed.
But if you can't afford rent, and/or are working by day to pay for a small meal at night, and/or are getting sick and just tanking it because actual care is outside your paygrade -- You are guaranteed to be miserable.
I agree to some extent. I would say money is exchanged time, you earn it by using your time and use it to have more time. You can trade your time (money) for things you dislike to do or will help you to faster achieve what you actually want to do so you can use your time on things you like which makes you happy. But there are things you can't trade with money and you have to actually use your own time instead of your earned time.
"No pain, no gain. "
As someone who's been running for over 30 years and working ou for 20, if there is pain, there is injury. When there is injury, you take a break and regress. People may say that muscle pain or stiff muscles are a sign of a good workout, not an injury. However, even with those your risk of injury is much higher, and you'll eventually hurt yourself. "No pain" should be one of the outcomes of smart exercise, not an admonishment for not working hard enough.
I think this extends to "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger".
Mentally, maybe, if you're the right crop for the circumstance. But, generally, no. It's such an off target idea.
"It's human nature" used to describe something horrific like war or rape.
It's not. Human nature is as when we were children, playing with friends and loving each other.
Militaries have to condition humans to do violence to each other and to follow orders from "superiors". Half of school is quashing kids' creativity and making them follow arbitrary rules because "the adults" say so.
I'd say aggressivity IS a part of human nature. Even kids can be aggressive while playing. It is there inside of us. Whether we use it for good or bad causes and in good or bad ways is what matters.
Have you seen children? Empathy is one of the last things to develop. There is a specific purity of cruelty attributed to children for a reason.
Civilization is conditioned into humans as a general rule, not the other way around, and needs consistent reinforcement. Humans are eusocial, but like chimpanzees and ants where war with other "tribes" is closer to a baseline than cooperation.
Mmk. Go back to flushing your toilet, picking food off of a shelf, typing on your device to a whole planet, leaving your garbage at the curb and benefiting from medical science like all the rest of the chimpanzees then.
Yup. Often said by people who did things as a child that didn’t realize 90% of the other children weren’t initiating the things they are doing.
“I killed a dog. Cuz you know, I was young”
No. That’s not just ‘being young’. Most kids do not do that kind of thing.
It’s the same syndrome you get from rapists in prison. They think everyone secretly wants to rape and that they are just brave.
"This is human nature"
Looks inside
19th century anglo customs.
It's been a millenium since I've heard it, as I no longer qualify as young.
But
"You'll understand when you're older"
I'm older.
I'm thirty.
The only thing I "understand" is that all the rules are arbitrary as all fuck, society was made up by idiots with giant sticks up their arses, and everyone should go fuck themselves.
The only "progress" I made is that I stopped hating myself for "failing at society" and started hating society for failing so many people.
"Practice makes perfect."
Let me tell you about my 7th grade all county band audition, where I showed up and skillfully played 40 measures of not what the sheet music said because I misread it and practiced what I misread.
"Practice" needs some kind of mechanism for feedback and correction, such as a coach or instructor.
I always liked "practice makes permanent"
stealing that.
"Make America Great Again" 😂🤣
I mean, if there wasn't fourty years worth of context for why this is bad, I'd agree with it.
Like, it could mean infrastructure projects or a renewed investment in education or something. But alas it honestly just means "destroy and loot America by deceiving uneducated rural whites" at this point.
The MAGA street salesman I see on my way to work now has "KEEP America Great" merchandise and I'm super tempted to pull over and act super enthused that he supports Harris
In Montana those people started labeling everything the "Biden-tester-harris agenda" 💀 like come on, they only added in the Harris part a couple weeks ago.
Clearly many of us would define that differently. Mine is probably equally fantasy, but it means working toward things we can be proud of, things that build a better future for all humans together, things that make a positive impact.
"If you run into assholes all day you're the asshole"
Because bullying is not a thing amirite
I dont think it applies if everyone you know is actually an asshole.
The takeaway from the phrase is just to check yourself and your attitude. Make sure you aren't the one being difficult before you confirm that all these other people are shit heads.
Juat about self-awareness.
Yep. I've worked with people who call everyone on their team idiots/lazy, oblivious that they are in fact, the toxic asshole.
I prefer the version. "If you smell shit, check the floor. If you constantly smell shit, check your shoes."
It's a reminder that a 1 off problem is likely external to you. If the problem seems to follow you around, it's likely attached to you.
It doesn't deny that the problem could still be external, but not to externalise things unless you are sure you're not causing it.
"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results."
This is literally not the definition of insanity.
"This too shall pass" when faced with a hurdle but a "savor this moment" when something is supposedly good. If only life worked that way, you wouldn't ever be complaining.
I'm with you on "this too shall pass". My family uses this like it's their damn catchphrase and while I'm sure the intentions are good, sometimes I would like validation when I complain about my life being a shit show, not just an idle 'this too shall pass'. Might as well have just shrugged and walked away.
"to be honest"
So, you've been dishonest until this point?
"To be honest" is mostly used in two situations:
It should almost never be interpreted literally.
That's why I prefer "to be frank" or "to be blunt." Same implication but without that possibility.
The only democracy in the region
Hey, what happened when the wrong people started winning elections in Iraq when we set up democracy there?
“That’s TOTALLY DIFFERENT”
"everything has pros and cons"
I usually give the CGP Grey's legendary answer: "...but it's hardly ever the case that all the pros and all the cons all PERFECTLY balance each other out, right?"
I always assumed that's what the saying was alluding to? That of you're unsure about something, then you should weigh both the pros and cons and use what you learned to make a decision. At least that's how I've always thought of it
"It is what it is"
No it isn't
"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results," It's like nails on a chalkboard every time I hear it. There is a very limited context where it may be applicable, but mostly it's used to give up trying or mock someone for failing a task. Have you never gotten better at something over time? Learned an instrument? Played a hard video game? Learned to ride a bike? It stops problem solving dead and kills motivation making it less than useless. Oh and its misattributed to Einstein like every other shitty quote
Same here. I thing it was a quote from a book or a movie. Some punchline that some character made sound funny and witty at a time but so many people insist to use it a the actual definition of insanity!
And very much the opposite of how many good things came to be - for example, inventors typically invent things with many failures first. Not 100% sure this is Thomas Edison but a quote attributed to him goes "I didn’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps."
This is the direct opposite of the saying.
If you try 1000 different combinations of bulb design you are not doing the same thing over and over again. It would be insane to attempt to make a light bulb 1000 times out of the same exact material and design and expect a different outcome.
The entire point of the saying is learn from your failures. Make adjustments. Try something slightly different.
"Can't teach an old dog new tricks" is one that's very pertinent to my life right now.
So, I was a pretty dedicated musician in my younger years, but I've never quite gotten around to learning how to produce music digitally. Recently, I've been trying to learn. Thing is, since I'm in my early 30s, I'm only just now hitting that age where my neuroplasticity isn't what it was when I was 20, and learning things is starting to become noticeably a little more difficult.
So, that's where I think the expression comes from. You get older, you try to learn something new, you underestimate how much more difficult learning that new thing is at your current age (because, honestly, you have no way to gauge how hard it'll be until you're doing it), the challenge gets the better of you, and now you have to admit defeat.
"Can't teach an old dog new tricks" is basically a different way of saying "No, no! I'm not owned!! I didn't lose!!!" It's a way of shielding oneself from the sting of defeat by framing it as "well, that's just the way things are when you're older." It's not that you couldn't rise up to the challenge of learning. You just cannot teach old dogs new tricks, and that's a fact. Don't you hear people say that all the time? Why would people say it so much if it weren't true? So, yeah. I didn't lose. I'm not owned.
It's an especially harsh process when you're learning to do something related to something you already know really well, and struggling with it, like I am with music production. It makes you question how well you really knew that thing in the first place. But, like I said, I'm only in my early 30s. If I were 60 and struggling to learn a new way to do something I've been doing my whole life, I'm sure it'd be wayyy more demoralizing. I'm sure I'd want to guard my feelings from that.
So, I get why the expression exists. I just don't think it holds any real weight. People treat it like it's some fact of life, but it's just an excuse. You've just gotta keep pushing, be prepared to accept failure when it rears its ugly head, and then muster the energy to get back up and get back on as many times as you can before you're beat. Easier said than done, though.
“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”
"At least, not immediately visibly. But over time and with enough repetition and obsession they will carve canyons through my personality and emotional wellbeing. These canyons will be filled with emotional sticks and stones; huge, warped phantoms of the words they represent."
Take care with your words y'all. But also, who cares what they think!
I once made my mom go quiet, and then apologize to me, defeating this point.
I was telling her that she could be really cruel with her words sometimes, and that I'd like to her to be less so. She told me I shouldn't take it so seriously, grow a thicker skin, that they're just words.
But she's my mother, and what she thinks of me and what she says will always weigh ten times more in my mind than the words of almost anyone else. Ignoring what strangers think of me is easy, but with her, it's literally impossible. I was telling her off because I knew she doesn't mean the worst of what she says, and that despite that, coming from her every word hits like a freight train. That it takes enormous effort to think through and discount the parts she doesn't mean. I told her that.
At the time I felt really clever for making that point. Getting her to actually go quiet and say sorry felt amazing, so it stayed with me.
I later realized it probably landed so hard because of how her parents treated/treat her.
Scrubs' version was, "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will hurt forever."
"Good vibes only".
I don't agree with it because if your life is trying to be only good things, all the time, then that means you don't know what bad times are. It means everything in your life is artificial and you have no perspective on the world around you.
It's not human to expect only to feel good all the time. It tells me there's a drug induced artificial happyness that's probably a bigger problem then just having a rough day.
We still experience bad times. But the point is not to be a dick
You can have the worst day of you life and still have good vibes. The real toxic saying would be "good moods only."
"If you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
"Idle hands make the devils workshop."
"If you can't take me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
I always take that as “l am a garbage person who will abuse you.” It is a MASSIVE red flag.
Or it's something you tell the abuser, when thy dismiss your emotions.
The top one reminds me of "I can be your best friend, or your worst enemy." So you're a petty asshole, got it.
Fake it til you make it
Agloe, NY, was a fake town designed as a copyright trap on a map, but then a general store was built on that spot. When a company was caught stealing the map, they used the general store as proof the town actually existed.
In Iceland in 2010, a group of comedians made a joke political party called the Best Party, with a platform that amateurs can't mess up more than the pros. They won the mayoral election.
There's a youtube video about how to pretend you know how to play guitar, which suggests you learn just four chords and cycle between them. The comments noted that this is just a beginners guide to actually knowing how to play guitar.
George Lazenby lied on his CV when he auditioned for James Bond. When he confessed this to the director, the director pointed out how he had already convinced an audience with his performance. By acting like an actor, he had shown his ability to act.
The line between pretending and doing is thin, and you learn by doing, so you can learn by pretending to do. If it's a good enough fake, it may as well be real.
That's the whole basis of CBT
I'll consider that an exception.
I have found this one to be largely true. "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players."
Naw, this one works. If you look like you know you're doing and are good at figuring shit out for yourself, you are good in almost all situations. We are all bumbling through life; some are better at pretending they aren't.
“Whatever is worth doing, is worth doing well.”
Most things I do, most of what we all do, we do *well enough *. Ain’t nobody got time for doing every bloody thing to perfection.
Any phrase that begins with "no offense but". Just say it, don't add that phrase, it makes any statement look more offensive.
No offense but I completely agree with you.
"Boys will be boys" Oh yes, what deep insight, nicely expresses the lack of parenting that let little Billy here become a FUCKING BULLY that regularly kicks, punches and intimidates other children. Even worse when adults agree that "shitty and violent" is just how boys are, you know boys will be boys.
Well done being a role model guys, not only does that excuse the bully, it openly communicates to the victim that 1) he's allowed to be like that, 2) they should be bullies too and 3) nobody has any intention of actually helping them and changing the situation.
And then you make them shake hands afterwards and both have to apologize, the bully and his victim.
GRRRRRRRRR makes me so angry! Complete abdication of your responsibility to actually parent your little monster.
"Can't be helped."
Your attitude is why things don't change.
“Happy Friday!”
You can fuck right off with your happy Friday. Office people, sheesh.
Sounds like somebody’s got a case of the Mondays
No. No, man. Shit, no, man. I believe you'd get your ass kicked sayin' something like that, man.
When people try to give bad news to someone and say, "there's nowhere to go but up" as if they know that person has reached rock bottom.... That has never been true in my life. So many times have I seen things get shittier and shittier for people. Fuck that stupid cheer up bs.
"Well it can't get any worse" And "Well, you gotta do something"
The first is almost always dead wrong. Trust me, you can make anything worse.
As for the second, it's shockingly coming that in a given scenario, the best action is to not do anything different at all. It may seem like things are bad and something has to change, but changing your strategy at this point can still definitely make things worse. Sometimes inaction is the correct action.
“Cheer up, it may never happen”
I’m sorry but if I’m not in a good mood or I’m sad it’s because something has happened to make me feel like it.
"I'm really great at reading people/spotting BS/etc." It seems like almost invariably this is said by people who are quick to make assumptions about people and as a result, are terrible at figuring out what someone is actually thinking.
The people who loudly proclaim that they "don't care what anybody else thinks!" almost always care a great deal what other people think. The ones who truly don't seldom announce it.
"Let's agree to disagree".
No, you asshole, we are getting to the bottom of this: you expose your reasoning for your position and I will do the same and this ends when reason doesn't support anymore one of the 2 sides.
Some things are truly just up to personal preference. "Agree to disagree" is a perfectly valid thing to say when discussing how to cook a steak in my opinion.
True. How to cook a steak, whether coffee or orange juice is better in the morning, are topics upon which reasonable people may differ, and for those, agreeing to disagree is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. However, an aggravating number of people genuinely believe that whether or not trans people should be allowed to exist is one such topic, and say this to avoid having their beliefs challenged.
Reason alone rarely if ever supports only one side or the other. You choose how you are weighting things; that's an emotional response, not a logical one.
Everyone answering me seems to not allow for the option that I may not counter the other person with an alternative I defend with reason. My dislike for that expression assumes that I find myself in a discussion over something worth defending with reason, otherwise there is no discussion in the first place.
The reality is usually that whatever doesn't kill you, maims you for life.
That sounds too broad. The vast majority of things in my life haven't killed me but also haven't maimed me. Some of it even has made me stronger, such as various things at a few gyms I've been to.
"[Thing] is a game changer!"
Almost always used in the context of brand-speak/commercial marketing. What's the game, guys? Corporate propaganda? Cause no, using an app to book a handyman that pays to be advertised on your service, or buying microplastic encapsulated detergent is not a goddamn "game changer" for anyone, besides the shareholders.
"Trust me."
Most of the time those two words can be correctly replaced with "I believe you to be an irrational eager to swallow any crap smeared on its filthy snout."
(People who deserve your trust typically don't evoke it.)
So many people spend more time telling people to “just trust me” or “I’ll explain later” than they would if they just shared the information.
"... tells you everything you need to know" if you have all of my same prejudices.
"Autistic people lack empathy"
Wierd how the fact that a group of people don't see the world as you do makes then somehow inferior and deficient, huh?
As someone who self identifies as on the spectrum ( I'm over 60, so I doubt I'm going to be tested, but I have many -- but not all -- typical autism traits), I would say that it's true for me. I have never been close to people, even my own family. I've never had a very good friend, and when I move away from people, I typically don't keep in touch.
Foe example, both my parents died in the past 2 years, and while I feel a sense of loss, no strong emotions. If I lost my wife or children, I think I would continue without feeling significant trauma. I know that I'm supposed to be devastated by those kinds of losses, but it just doesn't happen. I don't really have strong attachments to anything or anyone.
I don't think I'm a bad person, it's just the way I'm wired. I don't like to see people suffer, and I have a strong aversion to conflict, so I don't believe I'm a sociopath.
So count me In as one of the people who believes that autism can be related to a lack of empathy, based on personal experience.
if they knew how many times a week they meet somebody autistic...
Autistic people do have significantly reduced cognitive empathy. That's literally part of being on the spectrum. Some will have better cognitive empathy than others. If a person is not capable of reading the emotion that an NT is projecting, then their reactions are going to appear to lack affective empathy as well.
Your closing sentence hints at the root of the misunderstanding here. It also fails to strengthen your initial claim at all. This study's Lay summary sets it out perfectly.
Many autistic individuals report feelings of excessive empathy, yet their experience is not reflected by most of the current literature, typically suggesting that autism is characterized by intact emotional and reduced cognitive empathy. To fill this gap, we looked at both ends of the imbalance between these components, termed empathic disequilibrium. We show that, like empathy, empathic disequilibrium is related to autism diagnosis and traits, and thus may provide a more nuanced understanding of empathy and its link with autism.
Autistic folks don't always exhibit the socially defined traits of autism. Absence of evidence isn't evidence of absence, right? So while your [claim] [double-down] [pre-emptive concession] [claim] ends with a claim that's reasonable it is also fundamentally disconnected from the initial claim (which is, at best, half-true). Social and non-social traits are additional dimensions on a complex spectrum. Defining autism only by its more visible / stigmatized traits perpetuates the false equivocations of abnormal with disordered and disordered with diseased.
Sent with love ❤️
Lol, no. Every autistic person I know, myself included, is engaged in anti-racism, consent culture, body-positivity, and other forms of harm reduction. You're understanding of autistic people is flawed. We don't lack cognitive empathy, and we don't have a difficult time reading other people's emotions. What we struggle with is when people mask their emotions, when they put up an emotional wall, rely heavily on sarcasm, or any other technique that shields them from authenticity. When people are open and vulnerable with us, we are capable of great empathy.
"just sayin' "
Yes. Yes you did. You just said.
"honestly.."
Wait, you weren't being honest before now? I catch myself saying this and it ignites that inner cringe.
I use "honestly" or "to be honest" myself sometimes.
It's a simple way to convey "I'm going to give you a risky or unpopular opinion. Can be unpopular with you personally, or for public in general. But either way I value the honesty of sharing that opinion over the unpopularity it will cause"
I can see why you would hate it. it wouldn't be unusual for people to share bigoted/sexist/violent opinions on subjects they should keep to themselves.
"Oftentimes"
Damn, why that?
it's usually just replacing "often".
The "Yeah, no."
Woah there, somebody want's to piss off the entire australian continent.
Yeah, naur.
Whatever doesn't kill you only prolongs the inevitable!
"Collectivist society" and "Individualist society"
some people I work with got to saying “1000%” when asked “would it be possible to…?”. Are you gonna give them 10 of everything they ask for??
I prefer using higher precision when responding like this. I will often say something like: "137.825%". Mostly, I do this because it makes the other person feel awkward, and I do it because I constantly feel awkward, and so I just want other people to feel a tiny portion of what it's like being me.
Person learns what exaggeration is, more at 11
I know you’re being sarcastic but you’re also wrong. They aren’t being sarcastic in this instance, They’re telling the clients “My answer is the biggest Yes imaginable”. They aren’t being rude to the clients face. maybe you’re thinking of “hyperbolic”?
"AI Will Soon Make Human Programmers a Thing of the Past"
“Religion is a personal choice.”
Rarely is that true.
life is beautiful.
no, it's not. it's an ugly, parasitic process that accelerates resource consumption merely for its own pointless existence. the heat death of the universe will come all that faster only because of the presence of life.
and, for sure, humankind is the pinnacle of this selfish and greedy outcome of biological evolution.
That's fair.
Life is beautiful. That it even managed to exist, let alone evolve is fascinating, wonderous, fantastical. That certain species mucked things up isn't life's fault.
Beautiful.
"Beauty" is a concept invented by the human brain, not some intrinsic truth. So the statement can be true, although it very often is not.
Perhaps, but it seems life is but an insignificant speck of energy waste in the universe
Life is not beatiful, but what we make of it can be
And to what would not having life accomplish? What is the point of not having life? How is there beauty in the lack of life when only things that have life even have a concept of beauty? Your viewpoint requires you to believe in some type of inherent value that doesn't exist.
How is there beauty in the lack of life
i never said that there's beauty in the lack of life. i said that there's no beauty in life.
these are two very different statements.
"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush."
Who wants two birds in their bush? I don't even want one bird in my bush; they might peck at my worm!
Especially if they're early.
"which begs the question ..."
I hate this phrase a lot. First, it comes from the term 'begging the question' which is a stupid name for a particular type of logical fallacy that doesn't even make sense for its intended meaning. But no one uses in the intended way anyway. They use it to mean "raises the question" or "prompts the question".
As in: John hasn't been to work for a couple days, which begs the question 'is he sick?'". No it doesn't beg the question, it raises it. You beg for something, so you can beg a person for money or beg a dog to stop barking, etc. but you can't beg a question for anything.
So it's a doubly stupid phrase that makes me cringe every time I hear it whether it's used "correctly" or not.
"its all about calories in, calories out".
I'm so sorry! He/She's (never done that before)/(usually so much better behaved)!
Said by idiot dog owners who either let their dogs run off leash, or don't pay enough attention when they are leashed, which then attack people or other dogs.
If you don't have enough time or care to raise your dog properly such that it obeys basic commands and is familiarized with the world beyond your apartment/yard, you should be exercising far, faaar more caution and restraint.
Personally I don't think such people should even be allowed to own dogs if they can't train them properly.
So many people just take their dogs to a dog park and let em loose!
"it is what it is"
If it weren't what it is, well, it wouldn't be anything at all, would it?
"It is what it is."
"Is it?"
"IS IT!?"
😆
Yea as the other commenter said, the idea behind this saying is that ypu shouldn't malinger in the "oh no I really wish I had done xyz!". Oh well, it is what it is, no changing the present, only the future.
I see what you're getting at -- hinting at a sense of serenity?
The phrase still annoys me for some reason.
"You miss every shot you don't take!" or similar. It's useless, makes no sense, and is disrespectful to yourself and others.
Which is why I love saying it to pricks at work.
It does work in the context of which it was given. Approaching a goal in hockey with the puck on your stick. And being Wayne Gretzky
"You can not buy intelligence"
But the product of appearing intelligent is sold: private Education. Also you need to be able to afford the right condition: Not starving to death to appear intelligent, afford food & afford some water without lead contamination (since lead in the water lowers IQ), lead pipes where used for drinking water in poorer areas ... Also research and innovation costs lot of upfront capital investment and connections nowadays.
“It’s all good”
Who you kidding, chief?
“History repeats itself” or “history doesn’t repeat itself, but rhymes”. If that were the case then it would be pretty easy to predict the future.
The reality is humans have evolved to try to find patterns in a given system. It’s what made us really good hunters and excellent tool builders.
"like this comment if you think this post is especially good"
ACAB
"it's time to drain the lizard"
"God will provide".
'Don't reinvent the wheel'. If the earliest (re-)invention of the wheel, known to us, was flawless, it wouldn't have been reinvented so many times. There will always be new obstacles, new scenarios and new expectations. I get it. It's intended as a reminder to look up existing solutions for a problem before starting entirely from scratch. But, especially in software development, where this phrase is often used, this reminder is rarely necessary...
If "disagree with* can be interpreted as "irritates me"
"Not gonna lie" "If I'm being honest" "To tell the truth" (older)
Ugh.
They're such idiomatic crutches. Just fucking talk. Say what you're gonna say. If you need an "um" just say that. Don't waste my brain's clock cycles interpreting those phrases only to realize they're meaningless...
"Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."
God I hate that quote. I can't tell the difference between a spruce and a pine, but that doesn't make them indistinguishable, just means I don't know what the fuck I'm looking at. Magic and tech are definitively distinct. Our monkey brains might mistake one for the other, but like the spruce and pine, that does NOT make them indistinguishable.
Edit - Bruh what's with the downvotes?? We're here to express an unpopular opinion, cut me some slack!
I think you got a couple downvotes because you took the quote far too literally. The person who said it did not believe in magic and was not trying to compare a nonexistent supernatural force to hyper advanced technology. If you look up the quote I'm sure you'll find some essays about what Arthur was getting at.
For a very simple example, suppose an alien showed up and had antigravity tech built into their clothing or even as a cybernetic implant, that let them hover around in the air with no discernible means of propulsion. The average modern human would probably look at that and think "fuckin magic..." because you literally can't understand or recognize what is going on or how it works.
Or another example using 'time travel' instead of aliens. Imagine putting a medieval peasant in the back seat of a fighter jet taking off from an aircraft carrier, or in a VR helmet to experience a virtual trip around the galaxy, zooming around planets and stars. In both cases there are unfathomable things right in front of their eyes everywhere they look. They would have no fucking clue what was going on in either case. To you and me those are normal, understandable things. To the medieval peasant, it's magic.
Well yeah, but that's why I dislike the quote. It doesn't say what it means. Every example of what it intends to convey kinda falls back to the spruce vs pine thing to the uneducated eye. It doesn't matter if I understand how the alien antigravity socks work -if they're tech, they're tech. Hell, I don't understand how the cell phone I'm posting from works. It could literally be filled with tiny wizards who are actively casting a spell to send my thoughts to Lemmy - I dunno, and I can't verify. I'm reasonably confident that's not the case: despite all the functions this device is capable of that do indeed feel magical, that doesn't make it magical.
"Sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology."
All Cops Are Bastards
Apparently, prejudice is fine when it's against all members of a specific job!
Apparently, prejudice is fine when it's against all members of a specific job!
I mean, duh? You choose to become a cop, it's not forced on you in any way.
Much in the same way all child rapists are bastards, or the way all Nazis are bastards.
The point is that if that weren't true, the good ones should be dealing with the bad ones. And sometimes they do.
But that isn't the case in some places.
The phrase is intended to call attention to the fact that in some places things have gotten so bad the police is no longer capable of policing itself. It's not that they're all the worst, it's that they're all just bad enough to not lift a finger against "their own" when they should.
When a system can no longer hold itself to its own standards, the whole thing is no longer fit for purpose.
I do agree that it's a stupid phrase, but the point of it is to say that bad apples ruin the bunch. Police in the US, especially the bad apples, rarely are held accountable.
Some people mean it literally, in that viewpoint the system of policing itself is a problem and is not necessary in a fair and just society.
You will no doubt ask some trivial questions about this, but I'm just going to say up front that I'm not here to debate it.
You can read about police abolition and anarchism for some perspectives.
So it isn't a Blue Life, then ? It is just a job ?
Huh. Good to know.
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
No. What doesn't kill you creates trauma.
Yeah what didn't kill me gave me a chronic disease. I'm weak as hell compared to 3 years ago.
For me it turned me into a depressed person who no longer feels emotion the way I did before. I'm 99% numb. The other 1% is manic attacks.
What doesn't kill you evolves and tries again
In the same vein (and at least as dangerous): "Pain is just weakness leaving the body." No, you testosterone poisoned numb-nuts - it is your body's way of telling you that something is not right. Stop and listen!
With the exception when someone starts out a new sport or even manual work, like yep you're a bit achy now, good on you because that's the feeling of laziness escaping!
I’m a fan of “what doesn’t kill you only serves to postpone the inevitable.” But maybe that’s a bit fatalistic.
I won't judge. Life isn't a picnic for most.
We all die in the end.
Science has proven that what doesn’t kill you (like a virus) actually weakens you. But, conversely, you become more efficient at responding to that specific thing so it only appears like it made you stronger.
What doesn't kill you only postpones the inevitable.
What doesn't kill you gets exrea practice for next time.
Well, no, the trauma is the event itself. The reaction to it is post-traumatic stress. If that stress gets in the way of your day-to-day functioning, then it could be called PTSD (but there's like pages and pages of diagnostic criteria too).
Always appreciate it when a pedant joins the conversation. Thank you.