MY PERFECT MOURNING ROUTINE

Hey, bud. I can't leave the office after just getting there to go lift weights. I also have zero control over 80% of the meetings I attend. Dude has no idea how privileged he is.

Saying NO is a superpower!
"Hey, Sanctus. Where are you going? I was hoping you'd finish that report before noon?"
NO
"Uh, OK? Guess I'll see you at the meeting with our main customer then."
NO
See how easy that is?
- Mate, it's impossible to work with you, we'll have to make you redundant, I'm sorry.
  NO
- Its really easy until everyone complains I'm saying no, my review scores drop, and I get fired. Idk what kind of heaven exists out there where you can actually say no without the rest of the office dogpiling you like rabid corporate zombies but its not the place I work at. I could say no once, that person hold a vendetta, and give me a 1/10 on my review, costing me a raise. Its absolutely a fucking Klingon culture up in here.
- How's your shift going? Looks like a pretty busy morning! Hey could you please make sure you catch the markdown on the bread? The bakery counter didn't cover up the old barcode properly.
  NO
Wake up at 5:30 and not have to deal with any bullshit from anyone else until 2pm sharp. 8.5 uninterrupted hours for long walks, "deep work," and weightlifting. You know, the typical work day.
This schedule is completely unrealistic even with privilege
No meetings until 2pm? Doesn’t matter what industry you’re in, guarantee you interact with industries that work 8-4 and will not bend over backwards to schedule you at the end of their day. Like does this person just not go to the doctor? Or deal with banking issues?

wake up at 5:30am

Fuck right off.

I wake up earlier than that these days yet i somehow manage to stay far less smug about it. Though i will gladly fuck off, it's a ridiculous time to be waking up

Terms like "connect", "be present", "superpower" tell me this is not for the average working person, but the higher paid bosses of such people who can do whatever they want.

It was the "no meetings before 2pm" and "3 hours of no distraction" that gave it away for me.

Wake up at 5:30am

Counter offer: go to hell

Couple big problems -

To start, this is a morning routine, not a mourning routine. While it is true that I often mourn the morn, dude needs to learn how to spell.

Second, if you're up at 5:30, and not drinking coffee until 7am, and then have 3 hours of focused work, that right there is 10am. Your morning is supposed to be 'won' by this point, and you still haven't gotten to the weight training part of your morning.

Wake up at 5:30 then go for a walk. It is recommended to take a 30 min to 1 hour walk in the morning. Also including prep time so I'd say about 15 minutes. So let's say we're at 6:45 now. Wait 90 minutes so now we're at 9:45. Now making americanos at home is also time consuming if it isn't pre prepped or if you don't have a full espresso setup in your home, it could take 30 or 45 minutes and you'd have take it stronger to compensate for the ice melting in the hot cup. So now we're at 10:30. 3 hours of work, 1:30. Lift weights; you can get that done in 30 minutes, but you also have to factor in cleaning yourself up or else you're just going to baste in your own sweat all day until you shower. So I'd give that another 30 minutes. It is now 2:00, you're late for your meetings which removes your "superpower" to say no, you didn't factor in any time to eat lunch, your blood sugar is probably bottoming out because you had a very caffeine rich coffee drink and lifted weights without nutrients, and you're going to feel like garbage until you get food in you.
Horrible plan
- In fairness he says 90 minutes after waking, not 90 minutes after the walk. If you get home from the walk by 6:30 that's 30 minutes to make it, or potentially buy it if you have one nearby to get on the way home/quickly drive to.
  Now yes that's already 10am, but considering he mentions 2pm in the right column, you could make the argument the left column is the "until 10am" part, and the right is "after 10am" part, though I am giving large amounts of benefit of the doubt at this point.
- Haha, that's quite the reality check. God I hate those grifters...
- How is it taking you up to 45 minutes to make a cup of coffee? I can make a hot cup in ten, and most of that is spent waiting.
I dunno, I feel like I've won on any day I don't have to lift heavy things.
- Keeping it noodley. ✊
oh I'll definitely be mourning if I were to wake up at 5
Mourning my will to live
I like how planning the morning the night before happens in the morning. That's about how much I procrastinate, too.
If I’m waking up at 5:30am and not drinking caffeine for 90 minutes, I’m definitely mourning.

Tldr guy only works 3 hours a day

I mean, same honestly. Thank god for remote working (but if any hiring managers are reading I totally work all day at home).
- 3 hours a day is pretty solid, but don't tell the blue collars
- Exactly.
  My work routine is somewhat similar to OP's, but flipped (meetings from 9-11, actual work from 1-3 or 1-4). I wish it was flipped, but still, 2-3 uninterrupted time is plenty to get real work done. That happens more consistently on my WFH days, though I can occasionally get real work done in the office (WFH 3x/week).

"Saying 'no' is a superpower, it will lead you to your true calling. Trust your instincts."

"Want my morning routine checklist? Follow Matt Gray"

No. ( :

"Boosts testosterone". I bet this dude thinks of himself as an alpha male.

it is well studied that certain exercise temporarily boosts testosterone in humans, but the longevity or persistence of this effect are quite varied.
It's true that the "alpha" culture has a high interest in testosterone "boosting", usually without even having their blood levels checked.
Soon to be a bald one, too.

Most of these make sense but its from a very privileged perspective.

2pm: have a meeting of max 1 hour.
3pm: end of work day, start prepping diner.
7pm: done with diner, wash the twenty pans and nine oven trays.
7:30pm: more weightlifting, more testosterone = more better.
9pm: time for bed, a good night rest starts early!
Social life is a waste of time 99% of the time, just take those antidepressants more often.
"Work for 3 hours"
Sure, I actually agree, I get more done in 3 hours than my coworkers do in a day. But it's not like I'm going to get to go home after that. I'll just get to sit and do nothing for the rest of the day looking busy.

wake up whenever, alarm usually goes off 8:30. Maybe i hit snooze a buncha times
start work at 10. Wfh, pants optional
work according to load, mostly fart about house.
Take a long walk for lunch, usually blow out my step requirements
fuck off work 3:30, go fuck around in garden until sun sets
big fat dinner sitting on my arse watching telly with hubs, then gaming after he goes to bed at 9ish
bed around 1ish under fat purring cat.

Pretty much my routine to a tee.
- Fantastic, isn't it
5:30 h/day? My man living the dream
- Nah, IT. Work driven. Somedays are five hours, some are 28 hours

My biggest criticism is that I'm not really the one who sets my meeting schedule, even when I'm the one who sends the invite. Unless your entire company has a "no meetings until 2pm" policy this isn't really doable. Especially if you work with people in multiple time zones.
- I only got to institute this when I started working for myself. It took me a year or two to realise. For all clients or all agencies I sub for I have a strict no meetings before 930am rule. I haven't told anyone why - my calendar is just blocked out so each probably individually thinks I have some recurring appointment with another client. Nup. I'm in bed drinking my coffee. I'm a shit sleeper, if I manage at all. I spent decades working to the early birds' schedule. Fuck that.
  But it is a privilege and very few can achieve that working in a company. It's gross to suggest to people they can just do it. I know my situation is niche. To suggest otherwise is arrogant and ignorant.
A lot of these LinkedIn lunatic posts are absurd. This one seems totally reasonable, healthy, and leaves plenty of time for hobbies and family/friends.
Minus the meeting time restriction. Dunno how you manage that unless you're the owner of the company.

Funny how it's not the worst idea but "this alone separates you from 99% of people" is like putting poison in soup and now the whole thing is ruined.

It didn't say it was better than that 99%; just separate.

"No meetings before 2pm", "saying no is a superpower" yeah brill mate I'll just say no to my boss multiple times a morning forever and absolutely won't get fired for being difficult thanks Matt xo

The thing that's so irritating to me isn't the tone, isn't the weird preaching, isn't the push to follow on social media. What gets me (as it always does) is that assholes like this push their message as a one-size-fits-all message.

Assholes like this always think everyone else works just like them, and it makes me crazy.

This isn't terrible advice, but it's presented in such a way that I want to strike the author for being such a smug prick.

Yeah focused work is great and pomodoro timers can help you achieve it by breaking out down into smaller chunks. But this image was just grating to read, and it seemed to imply only working 3 hours per day.

Did they draw hyperlinks in their notebook?

Here’s my morning routine:

Wake up at 8 (assuming a crying baby doesn’t wake me up sooner)
Change diapers
Spend time with my wife and sons
Walk to the grocery store with my toddler (3500 steps round trip or so)
Drink a kombucha on the way home (coffee raises my cholesterol and gives me awful anxiety symptoms)
Change diapers
Take my toddler to the playground, weather permitting
Have lunch with my wife and sons
Read books to my toddler, change his diaper, and put him down for a nap
Think about how I’m leaving the USA next year partially because American work culture is absolute trash

I’m on paternity leave and it’s been the best part of my career. As in not working at all is the best part of my career. How fucked is that?

I would gladly change diapers and hang out with screaming kids all day instead of dealing with my dumb ass coworkers and people who can’t honor a meeting invite planned weeks out but then expect me to “hop on a quick call” which then achieves nothing. Between the constant threat of layoffs and losing my livelihood and the political backdrop of having my family deported because they’re too dark a shade of brown and speak Spanish sometimes?

Fuck this place. I’m out.

Dealing with my toddler is frequently more rational than dealing with my coworkers. Most of em are good, but the ones that are outside my normal bubble drive me insane.
Paternity leave was the best part of my job, too. I wish I got more, and it's criminal that many dads get very little, if any.
Also I don't really know the best way to say "sorry for this weird mess of a country," but I'm sorry. That sounds very stressful to say the least.
But no one died for your routine. A real mourning routine allocates time to remember those who have passed. /s

Sunrise here, tomorrow, is around 7:30. When I take my morning walk, presumably just after I wake up at 5:30 because the walk is supposed to “get my brain ready to work” and I’m supposed to put several hours of work in during the morning, how do I “get sunlight in my eyes”?

Have a villa in each hemisphere.
Turn your Winter into Summer taps forehead

There is a single insightful line in this whole image:

Your biggest enemy is distractions.

Unfortunately, this image is one of those distractions.

wake up at 5.30 so you can be at your top shape by 8 am and earn that yacht for your CEO!

Step 8: wake up for real this time. It's 9:30 and you're late.

Steps 1-7 was just you dreaming about having your shit together.
I used to do that in high school, set my alarm early to do the homework I didn't do the night before, I would feel super productive until I woke up for real, late, and with unstarted homework still on the floor.

I’ve loathed people based on less information before, but not with this intensity.

Most people don't get a chance to do those things. Wake up, commute while sending off kids, work dreadful shit, collect kids, shop, make dinner, relax15 minutes, pass out, repeat.

Except. bank holiday comes 6 times a year. Cheers.

Yes, I'd like to see this list with four home school kids lol
It's like going to battle, and in war, the enemy also makes plans!
And to quote Mike, everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
Well, if one has such a miserable worker-bee-life, why the heck would one want to make it even worse with kids? And what future would that one give his/her kids? The same bright one? We all make our own beds, don't we?
- Believe it or not, kids bring joy to an otherwise bland life. As for the kids' future, you can do a lot with a little, just spending what little time you have at the end of the day w/ your kids can help them surpass where you were able to get to.
  Source: all of my siblings have better jobs than my parents did, and that's because they prioritized education and spending time w/ us.

The only thought I'm connecting with at 5:30 in the fucking morning is "I'm so tired, I want to go back to sleep".

I prefer the other Matt Gray tbh, he's funnier and doesn't tell me to wake up at 5:30 when I've just gotten to sleep...

I wake up at 5:30 because my arsehole boss insists that I’m at my desk at 7am.

As a result I’m tired all the time and get fuck all done.

What kind of work do you do?
- Quality and training manager at a company that values neither.

I saw this multiple times already on Linkedin reposted with huge engagement.

While I understand this is borderline fiction, absolutely unrealistic and in my eyes an equivalent of those pictures with pretty girls laughing with a plate of salad promoting healthy eating, but for me the comment section of this post is the cherry on top cheering how "brilliant" this is. People are so fucked up on Linkedin.

I think people are fucked up on Linkedin because it's a self-marketing site, so they are selling a fake version of themselves. Wait that sounds like another version of Facebook and Instagram...

"I wake up at 5:30 because I fall asleep at 18:30. Everyone should try to live like this bro"

I fucking hate how it is only socially accepted to wake up early. Work life only centers around the early risers and everyone else must suffer. Want to start working at 09:30 and stay for longer? How about a meeting at 8:30? Just be a team player
- I saw a meme the other day about early risers being an oppressing class, and I’ve thought about it a lot.
- Morning people are an oppressive class.

This is unironically close to my routine. I wake up at 5, walk the dog for 30-60 minutes, have breakfast, then start work before anyone else so I can get shit done before people start showing up. I wrap up my day around 2pm, walk for 1-2 hours, make dinner, then chill. It's worked well for me.

You forgot to tell us what time you lift weights
- He walks the dog. He doesn't say anything about the dogs walking. I'm guessing he does dog curls on that walk.
- I don't lift weights these days. I need to work on that.
I do love starting work before people start streaming in after 0900

That's a psychopath's handwriting.

Imagine a cup of coffee being all you look forward to.

By 10am? You reach 10am by step 4.

Also number 7 contradicts 4. Phone calls can be meetings. But what do I know.

Those are X in boxes next to those in step four. I believe they're saying "no phone calls, no emails and no dealing with notifications".
- Must be for a job in trades or field work. Phone calls, emails, and notifications are essential for office work.

Sounds horrible. Here's mine:

Stand up when woken up and feeling like it.
look into my wife's cute face.
we make food, watch star trek, drink tea
decide how and where we're gonna spend the day. Gaming? Binging? Pool? Museum? Zoo? Just driving around with no goal? Shopping-tour? Visit some city? Some voluntary work to help those less fortunate? Doing absolutely nothing?
end the day in peace whenever we feel like it.

Oh yes. No kids, no pets.

Oh yes. No kids, no pets.
No job?
Or is this just a weekend routine?
- OP could be retired.
- Yes. No job. Retired somewhere mid-20s. With 2 occasional let's-try-something-new-job for some months since then. That was nearly 3 decades ago. So, weekend only matters because, where we live, life slowly withers saturdays and is dead as a doornail on Sundays 😁
Here's mine:
Wake up when the neighbour above me slams their door
Glance over at my phone and realize I have an hour still
Bask in that extra hour sleep without actually sleeping
Groggily get up, shower
Walk to the station, buy a coffee
And wait for the next autopilot routine to kick in
- I'm so sorry man. Capitalism just sucks for the vast majority. It's not my system-of-choice, even if i highly profit of it. It's humanity's bane and ultimate end.

every great accomplishment happens in the mornings if you're only ever awake during the mornings.

I keep reading work as worm.

"cues me into worm mode"
- 3 hours of deep worm.
I didn't zoom in: 2 Go for a wank
- I support this.

There is no way that 99% of meetings are a waste of time. Like, many 70%, tops.

Depends on the organization.
- It's simply wrong, made up. No need to defend it, there are no specifications that it only applies to work group X in company Y.
There's also no way I can avoid meetings before 2pm, timezones exist and sometimes things are on fire. If I leave someone hanging because I care only about my own day, then I'm the asshole.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

Ah right, a walk around nature! Because I have so much nature around me!

(Also, I'd prefer to get meetings and impromptu requests from colleagues in the morning, because I tend to get way in the zone around 14h-15h, with the drawback that I often run way in excess of 17h when I'm supposed to leave so I'm home by ~1815.)

The waiting 90 min for caffeine part is actually based on decent scientific evidence, but it's so damn hard.

Apparently the logic behind is that sleep neurotransmitters take a while to flush out in the morning, but drinking caffeine stops the flushing process and leaves you with leftover ones in your system. So as soon as the coffee wears off, you're way more likely to really crash.

I've tried to implement that habit, but ended up falling asleep at my work desk basically every day 🤷 (Although my doctor also says he's about 80% sure I have Narcolepsy, so that might have something to do with that)

Can you cite a study?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCJr49GU9yY
It seems like a very common misconception that is maybe somewhat correlated, but causality hasn't been found as far as I could find. Probably one of those things that are hawked by "wellness influencers" and "hack your life" youtubers without actual evidence.
Get a prescription for Modafinil.
Be careful about what you take away from influencers like Huberman etc. They are businesses first and foremost, and while their business may involve giving good advice, they're ultimately driven by views which can lead them to exaggerate and overrepresent evidence for the sake of having new, compelling content.
Get out of here with your facts. I'll imbibe caffeine whenever the hell I want.
Just fuckin' around, no ill intent.

Cool, I don’t have meetings at my day job and I’m on the phone helping people through my entire day. If I worked for only three hours I might get sacked.

I don’t know who this person is, but I’m not sure they have a job.

I like organization... but I hate routines.

Mourning routine, lol.

My mourning routine is generally to dress less colorfully than usual and gather with others who knew the deceased to commiserate over our mutual loss.

"No meetings before 2pm (when the eastern hemisphere people are going to sleep)" that'll go over well.

This man's colleague when he's just wasted three hours doing work he didn't have to: "but I sent you an email three hours ago about it?"

And here's mine:

6:30 am - wake up due to 4yo kicking or whatever
7 - clean up the kitchen a bit
7:30 - make breakfast and lunch for myself and kids
8:15 - drive kids to school (we decided on a charter school, so no bus service)
9:15 - get to work and refill my water bottle and whatnot
9:30-11 - morning meetings
11-12 - pretend like I'm working/check email/etc
12-1 - lunch
1-3 - work on my tasks for the day
3-5 - fix something that went wrong, because something always goes wrong just before I go home
5-6 - drive home (would take 30 min w/o traffic, but here we are)
6-7 - make dinner or clean up house
7-9 - get kids ready for bed (takes forever because they're really looking for time w/ me)
9-10 - do adult stuff, like paying bills or shopping for birthdays/christmas stuff; maybe take a walk w/ SO; if the stars align, read a book or play video games

So yeah, that's me. I get about as much done in those 2 hours of actual work as many of my coworkers get, so I think I'm doing alright.

Here's an alternative schedule when I WFH:

6:30-8:45 - same as above, just w/o commute
10-12 - do work (we have fewer meetings on WFH days
12-1 - get some exercise in my garage (kids are at school)
1-3 - do more work while eating lunch
3-5 - play video games or something in my home office (I've already done 2x the work I normally do)
5-6 - make dinner or clean up house
6-8 - hang out with family
8-8:30 - get kids ready for bed (much easier since I can work the bedtime routine in the "hang out" part)
8:30-10 - same as above, but I have an extra 30 min (hooray!!)

So yeah, most of what the OP posted cannot apply to me, but I get a similar amount of work done.

5:30am - Wake up in the mornin' feeling like P. Diddy 6:00am - Grab my glasses; I'm out the door, I'm gonna hit this city 5:45am - Before I leave, brush my teeth, with a bottle of Jack 'Cause when I leave for the night I ain't comin' back

Diddy

Wake up between 7 and 10 depending on what timezone I'm in, I work late so I don't need an alarm. Open the hotel blinds to get some real light. Eat some yogurt. Do a light work out. Shower. Do whatever until whenever my phone says go to work. Work 3–14 hours based on whatever schedule is on my phone. Go to hotel. Go to bed. Appreciate the fact that I have no meetings ever and at least 16 days off a month.

mourning

This is a sense of grief or loss, usually over the deceased.

emails

This is a conjugated verb. Like 'traffic', the noun should NEVER get an S; no matter how much Felicia says, for the same reason 'cattles' is wrong.

Learn to spell when you're going to ink it in. Respect the medium and its lack of an 'undo' feature.

"I sent Linda 4 separate emails about this."
this is the second time ive seen you claim that emails is incorrect and youre interesting for that
This is a conjugated verb. Like ‘traffic’, the noun should NEVER get an S; no matter how much Felicia says, for the same reason ‘cattles’ is wrong.
If most people use it that way it is the standard. There is no wrong or right in language. Only an aggreed upon standard in a specific group. When studying english linguistics that was one of the very early lessons. And if you like prescriptivism: I had a look at what Merriam Webster had to say and they have an example for emails as a plural.