You have one (1) free teleportation that must be used within the next 24 hours or it disappears forever. Do you use it? Where do you go?
E: Da Rules
The International Space Station. The sheer confusion value would be amazing, particularly if I stayed quiet about how it happened ("I went to bed, then woke up floating here. I've no clue how it happened").
I would get to cause a major incident of complete chaos, with little to no harm. I would get to experience space and weightlessness. I would also get a near guaranteed lift home (eventually). There's also almost no way it could be kept quiet, so I get to be a minor celebrity for a while.
This has the possible downside of you being dissected for the benefit of science. One human life for the possibility of discovering the ability to teleport? The astronauts/cosmonauts on the ISS would know about you, but you'd never make the news.
Scientists are not good at keeping secrets, particularly not of this level. Also, the ISS is remarkably public. It would be obvious they were hiding something, at the very least.
Would I expect to spend some time "volunteering" in a research lab, more than likely. I doubt it would get to dissection level. The risk/cost would be low enough that I would take it.
"Hey some guy just showed up here and no one knows about it."
"Cool, lets put him out the airlock and see if he freezes like in that movie"
Not too bad of a downside. I'd have myself dissected if it meant people I cared about would have a chance at figuring out teleportation.
with little to no harm
Not sure how resource allocation works and how quickly you could be sent back to earth but someone may have to be sacrificed.
There's always an excess of resources, just in case of spacecraft failure.
There are actually already extra crew up there from the recent Boeing failure.
SpaceX would definitely benefit from having to come get you, since they're the only launch company with a good track record, and spare capacity. (Unless you're Russian, which means you'd probably be shot and stuffed in the garbage section of Soyuz)
Compared to telefragging someone on live tv? Also, on the balance, the media coverage would likely help knock loose some more funding for NASA, if only to try and figure out what the f*** happened.
SPAAAAAACE!
I send Elon Musk to Mars.
Rule 1
The Martians deserve him
I'd say a collapsing star would be a better option
That's 2 teleportations:(
I’m not bringing him back and I’m sure as shit not going with him…
Whatever the biggest televised event is in the next twenty four hours. I'm going to materialize naked live in air screaming "the end is nigh unless we repent" and then go into a list of ecological and social reforms.
I’d do the opposite. Crash the biggest event I can find with ample media coverage, grab a mic, explain that I’m projecting myself backward through time from 200 years from now, and that I don’t have much time, and now is when it all goes wrong. To save everyone we need to
[Teleport to my living room]
I’m kidding, of course. I’d probably just waste it on something dumb(er).
I can already hear “The mainstream media is playing tricks on us to keep us from enjoying ourselves by [insert any dumb shit like rolling coal or something]“
Odd train of thought: what would the rolling coal equivalent be for an EV? Just wasting fuel for something that looks cool... So high voltage discharge under the car shooting lightning bolts? That actually sounds kinda cool, now that I think about it, but it is wasteful.
Teleport myself into Putin to do the world a favour
Imagine being the one who has to explain that Putin died when another person burst forth from his body like an alien.
"Look, nobody's going to believe I just materialized here as opposed to evading your security check. How about we work together on getting out of here by blaming Gerasimov or Shoigu?"
People would assume you used some sort of weird explosive
Into the studio of some live tv programme, so it's caught on camera by a neutral party. Without teleportation to get back, there are no really cool or useful places I want to go to in the next 24 hours. So I might as well try to make some cash out of interviews and stuff.
Smart.
To a place where there are plenty of crumbs.
What... what do you do with the crumbs?
Probably grabs them, like the dirty little crumbgrabber he is.
I am slowly using them to build a dyson sphere
How did that lawsuit between you and American cartoonist Robert Crumb turn out?
He has bequeathed his fortune to me under extreme duress.
Right next to Vladimir Putin. Only wish I carried a gun or knife or something but we're about to find out if an obese middle aged man can strangle to death an elderly Russian. Actually, let's make it interesting, drop me maybe 10-15 ft above his head.
I know there are probably better things or at least less suicidal things i could do but it's a chance to give my life meaning and the best I could think of.
Just teleport inside him then
If that works i guess. I'd hate there to be anti-clipping or something.
Oh my God I fucking miss Unreal Tournament. Modern epic games sucks so so much.
Wish fulfilled and you get teleported between two floors and your just stuck like Robin Williams in Jumanji
Actually, let’s make it interesting, drop me maybe 10-15 ft above his head.
I would predict success, martyrdom (75% chance) and impressive headlines. :D
If you could convince his bodyguards that the main computer of an alien spaceship sent you as a sick joke to prevent nuclear war, they might spare you for bargaining. Whether you'd be spared long enough for revolution to happen and get home - not sure.
As a practising anarchist, I would also volunteer, my everyday items even include several cans of pepper spray, a multitool and a heavy laptop with a detachable battery (to commit some battery).
Username checks out
I'd assume a cannonball shape and teleport myself into the body of any living murderous dictator (you can pick). I assume the sudden materialization of a 6' tall, 200 lb human inside another human's viscera would be a bit like swallowing a bomb. Even if it's more a case of chimeric horror, the result is the same so I'm OK with it.
Dictator getting respawn fragged on live TV would be remembered for centuries
Aiming for a theocratic regime would let you swing into "I am your God now" territory.
I'd teleport to a parallel universe that has become an utopia full of futuristic medical solutions.
granted. but everybody speaks erbferb atinlerb
So, Sweden?
People have managed to learn languages odd nothing but signs and gestures...
People outside of the US know how to learn languages, this is not the downside you think it is.
If there's no return option then I probably wouldn't use it. Maybe just to get to the shops or something and then walk back.
My mom lives three large states away and has Alzheimer's but is still able to recognize people. She's well cared for, but I'm sole caregiver for my bedbound family member. I'm reconciled to the fact I cannot travel to visit her, but if I could go for just half an hour, even just one hug, I would.
Edit: Oh, one way only? Nvm.
Into the core of the Sun. With the pressure and temperature I guess it will kill me before I can notice. A quick, painless, and rather unique way to die.
Cause of death: "Crushed and burned by Sun's core"
What?
Who'd know?
Without a return trip, that's pretty useless.
With one, this just becomes a normal "Where would you teleport to?" post 🤷
The US house of representatives, just to say "I bring a dire warning from the future"
(they don’t realize you mean Brazilian time zone)
I should probably use it to telefrag one of the active, living war criminals or one of their influential lackeys, but it's kind of hard to choose.
I can think of a couple of good candidates for a telefrag, or a very unexpected high speed kick to the nuts.
What's the nearest planet with an Earth-like atmosphere? Any particular star clusters that have a higher likelihood of harboring a civilization? If I can go anywhere, I'm taking a gamble and trying to find aliens. Even if I fail to find intelligent life, I'm already at a point where struggling to survive on an alien planet sounds better.
Have fun dying from space amoeba.
"Mars!"
Freezes and suffocates
Better yet, I'm buying an oxygen mask and several layers of winter clothes and going to Titan. Can probably walk around for a few minutes before freezing to death!
On top of the mars robot ofc!
I teleport to friends house, to show her, that world isn't like we used to think.
This is such an enigmatic response... like something I'd hear in an A24 film
Go to work like normal, open the register, empty it (money is a person item) and vanish forever to rural Japan.
Make sure I teleport to where non one sees it.
Alternatively: teleport to new Zealand, yall know exactly why.
A cash register has like $500 in it. Easier to just get a job
where i work you have several thousand a day profit at a minimum, so i just wait until my day is over
Depends on where & when, but yeah, biggest bank run I ever made was about $10k, enough to have some fun with sure, but not enough to disappear forever with. Certainly not to Japan.
Home gonna fuck a sheep
Do tell, I have no clue why you'd go to New Zealand.
for locations like matama , without new Zealand there is no lord of the rings
Cuba, for medical and/or dental care I can't afford in the US
Just a FYI Cuba currently collapsing under the weight of 80 of sanctions. That have finally caught up with it.
Mexico or India ( best) would be your best bet
I'd look up and memorize winning lottery numbers, then teleport back two weeks ago. (4-d space!) And then I'd just buy a lotto ticket and chill until my past self becomes my current self, but with lottery money.
Teleportation only works in spacial dimensions. You have now teleported to a slice of the 4th dimension that only houses the very edge of your known reality, making everything distorted from your point of view, and everyone will see you as a monster as you no longer resemble a human, but a blob.
Home from DnD tomorrow because I don't have a car and it's COLD OUT
I’ll walk into a park full of stoners, grab their attention and teleport home.
Is the rover on Mars still taking pics? Cause I'd teleport there. Just to make everyone wonder how I got there.
Is the rover on Mars still taking pics? Cause I’d teleport there. Just to make everyone wonder how I got there.
Not just one but TWO rovers are on Mars taking pics right now. This would work for the picture, and then you'd die pretty quick from the water boiling out of your body from the low pressure atmosphere. Worth it.
And with that, you just created Marspox.
One way or round trip? That makes a big difference...
That's part of the fun!
So the ISS would probably be the coolest place I could go to but first I'd open up a GPS app on my phone and also set the camera recording so that it could potentially gather interesting data about the teleportation.
To the fridge. For a beer.
Maybe try wingsuit flying or free soloing, knowing that I basically have a get out of jail free card (assuming the teleport doesn't preserve my momentum I guess)
Now you're thinking with portals!
Even if it does preserve your momentum, with some really good trigonometry, you could teleport to a location that would result in that momentum landing you softly and exactly at the top of a cliff. If you can redirect the momentum, it can be any cliff. If you can't, you'll have to choose a cliff in another part of the world so that gravity burns off all your inertia at just the right time.
I'd go to the basement of the guy's mom from that other post about only storing 100GB and steal his 130PB SAN.
The problem would be getting it back out. The post only says 1 teleport, nothing about getting home again.
I reckon that after screwing his mom, I'd sell some of his gear to pay for airfare.
Ackshualllly, it was only 120PB, TYVM
If it allowed me to teleport between dimensions as well, definitely moving to that one parallel Earth where everything is peaceful, prices are cheap, and everything is seemingly perfect (except for the lottery system where a small group of people die if they win in a population control sort of scheme). Don't take a lot of money and your odds of being picked are low.
Though, if it only worked for this world, probably just use it once to get to the kitchen faster at a random time because I can't use it to get to college because of my class schedule. That, and I'm pretty sure my parents would find it suspicious if I suddenly teleported to a store and called either needing a ride or they cannot find me, especially if I don't give them a heads up.
The closest Galactic Senate.
If one doesn't exist then teleport me to where one used to be. Let me see intelligent life. Or at least the remnants of one for a few seconds before I die.
The Eye of the Universe :;)
Do I have to use it on myself, or even a living being? Any constraints on size, weight, accessories?
updated the body!
If we teleport to a moving object, can we equalize speeds in relation to it instead of our current reference? If yes, ISS - good luck getting me outta there! If no, I'll mumble "Shenzh/gen" and see if I end up in China or Luxembourg.
Can't I get a return trip? It's going to be annoying to get a train or plane to take me home.
Teleport to my road trip destination. My wife can handle the last two hours herself. I'm too risk adverse to carry out a heist or something and that would really mess up our vacation. I'll just go ahead and get the hotel room ready and take a shower.
Is this a one-way trip?
Can the teleporter interpret intent, and will it take anything I'm currently carrying (like a backpack)? If so, then I'd probably take some time to figure out where I'd like to go (terrestrial or extraterrestrial, inhabited/life complexity, technology level, species appearance (if alien), government style, beliefs, etc) and then have the teleporter send me to the place that most closely matches my vision.
If not, then idk. I'd consider teleporting myself near the event horizon of a black hole, but I'd probably get vaporized the moment I teleported if it didn't come with some kinda invulnerable safety field.
One way, no return trip, but I can get back eventually? I guess I'd teleport to work tomorrow but right when I'm supposed to be there and just act like I'd been there the whole time to see if anyone was confused.
Peaceful alien society that will treat me like an honored pet, like a cat.
Sounds cool, but probably would become boring AF real quick.
Jokes on you, they have dope entertainment and their future medicine will make me outlive you all! Have fun on shitty old Earth everybody!
Maybe, depends on how kinky they are. I mean, humans engage in master/pet relationships as a lifestyle and not just a bedroom kink.
And no, I'm not convinced that +10,000yrs of extra development would automatically make them view a human as being like an animal. Would you really consider ancient Mesopotamians to be significantly less intelligent than modern humans?
do i keep my momentum after i have teleported?
You might find yourself flying 1,670 km/h upwards into the sky
Work, so I don't have to ride in the cold.
Are you sure I can't save it in case I need to get out of the Backrooms some day?
Shit, I would use it to teleport into the backrooms. Finally some peace and quiet!
Hell
Aren't we already there?
Visit my friend as easy return from japan seem unlikely with one way teleport.
To nearest Black Hole and die.
Only one-way? Alright, well I'm gonna go walk Lairig Ghru, a hiking route that I like the look of that is too long for me to do there and back. I'll walk out however far I want to go and then magically teleport back to the start
My mom lives three large states away and has Alzheimer's but is still able to recognize people. She's well cared for, but I'm sole caregiver for my bedbound family member. I'm reconciled to the fact I cannot travel to visit her, but if I could go for just half an hour, I would.
Edit: oh, one way only? Nvm.
Can I teleport myself into Voyager I? I'd like to see what's out there as I go...
Without a return trip I'd just use it to go to work and spare myself the commute. I'd sleep in that day.
I need to be at work for the next few days so I would use it to teleport to work instead of taking the train.
Teleport to Vatican the moment a mass happen right in front of the pope. Then claim to be the second coming of Jesus Christ.