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the_dunk_tank @hexbear.net

Black_Mald_Futures [any] @hexbear.net

11mo ago

most British response to a description of a bahn mi

Apparently the British wish to lock me up for daring to suggest something with flavor instead of a cucumber sandwich

101 comments

add some seasoning
wtf is this monstrosity
mfw england
- conquer half the world for spices
  refuse to use any of them
  engl*nd moment
  
  to be honest, i doubt the spice trade had much of an influence on english prole cuisine
- Wouldn't want to have my spotted dick and blood crisps or whatever the fuck British people eat tasting like anything other than boiled celery.
  
  “Boiled celery? A bit exotic, isn’t it?”
  
  Too busy slobbering on Cock-a-leekie
@buried_treasure@feddit.uk yo what up with your taste buds homie?
- I don't speak ... whatever language that is
  this is shockingly racist for a casual response to banter
  
  Let me attempt to translate to the language of your people. "Oi whats da madder with yer' gammers m8? Yew got a loicense for doz tastebuds?"
  
  This probably the most embarrassing comment I've ever read here. I can only assume that you are currently dying of shame right now.
  
  Damn, you don't even recognize your own language when it isn't in received pronunciation dialect? You must be fantastically stupid.
  
  LMAO
  What,got a douche tea infusion up your ass,Mr Gammon?
  Fuck right off with this snobbish language elitism you seasoning averse,wannabe aristocrat,island living fuck.
  Your fucking "lAnGuAgE" doesn't deserve a lick of respect,Mr "I'm so fucking superior because I was born in the delusional ruined remnants of an empire of evil".
  The fucking gall on this one,to turn up their fucking pig snout nose at AAVE as if it's some crime against god and their beautiful pristine language! I hope that when you die,they bury you right next to Maggie so you can both nourish yourselves with warm piss for an eternity in hell, you worthless goddamn Anglo!
  Go slobber all over your precious fucking kings genitals or whatever it is you do for a national pastime in that rain soaked shithole you live in.
  
  You people are proof that the western century of humiliation has already started in this country
  
  Holy shit mate why are you such a fucking dickhead? You sound like the kind of dumbass that would've participated in the fascist riots
  Stop embarrassing the country by being such a racist fucking lampshade lad
  
  Forsooth thine yeowman only speaks the King's English!
  
  Smug, bad taste, and poor reading comprehension
  
  horifically
  Butchering the Queen's English, are we? Please report for remedial condescending primary school.
  
  The only real English language is American English. British English is a pathetic shadow.
  
  Here's some pictures you should understand
  
  HIE SECGAÞ ÞÆT ÞIN SMÆC BIÞ SCITE
  
  Congratulations, you're the first clown I've found funny I a long time.
  
  -ngl-sh only,
  Бедный дикарь
  
  you need to speak american to talk to me, i cant understand what a english is yet i can still read all your words
bahn mi
most German way to spell banh mi
How dare you try to poison people with flavour! Everyone knows a proper cucumber sandwich is a single layer of cucumber slices (skin removed) between two slices of white bread (Use
as a guide). If you're feeling particularly daring you may add a small pinch of salt and pepper but be careful not to over season, you wouldn't want to make something tasty by accident!
- lol
- between two slices of white bread
  It needs to be thin white bread mind, not thick.
This is why the English have to claim half of the food their immigrants brought with them as their own, lest they look up and realize the only tasty thing they make themselves is deep-fried (and even then that's arguably Scottish).
- Hey now, the English stole that cuisine fair and square! Next you're gonna tell me the king should give back all the jewels in his crown and sceptre!!
- Regardless of how it got there, if it's the most eaten food in the country, how is it not their own? Tea and potatoes don't come from Britain either, not were fries or deep frying invented there.
  You can make a pastry in a million different ways, but ultimately there's not really any significant difference between any north European pastry dish.
  Scotland has as much a rightful claim to deep frying fish as Britain had to India in the first place (absolutely fuck all right).
  
  You're missing the fundamental point here, though; fuck the UK, sink it in to the sea, Doggerland 2 coming summer of '25.
- It's got the bloody soap leaves in it.
they didn't even describe an authentic version with daikon and pate spread
- i was the one trying to vaguely approximate a bahn mi from memory, my b
  
  you got really close to what i think is the prototypical recipe, no shade. i just really like the daikon and pate spread.
- authentic
  ok what are you replacing the baguette with?
If you went to an English tea room for afternoon tea
Well there's your first mistake
A cucumber sandwich is just a water sandwich with extra steps
- And more solid poops afterwards
- “I say, this boiled tapwater is a bit… aggressive, don’t you think?”
- English people eat butter sandwiches.
  The more common version throws a couple of pommes frites in there so they can pretend it isn't just butter between slicea of white bread.
  
  my favorite is when they put a piece of toasted bread between two slices of untoasted bread
  
  I used to eat butter and jelly sandwiches when I was a child. Would the Brits crucify me for adding jelly??? Is it too spicy
burn the entire place to the ground
Shitlingford here is right though, it's an old ingerlish tradition to pillage any establishment that serves nonwhite food and murder its occupants. Probably triggered some memories of visiting "the Indochina" during his Oxford years.
The point of a cucumber sandwich is that it's light and refreshing. You can eat it as a snack while drinking tea, and not worry about not being hungry later.
What you suggested sounds nice, but it's a meal and that's not what they're for.
- Yeah but a banh mi isn't a monstrosity u_u
  
  It's already a fusion food. Pate, baguette and mayo are French, the spices, meat marinade and vegetables are Vietnamese.
Bahn mi are so goddamn good
- I was at a farmers market once and bought a transcendentally good Banh mi from a food truck. They've never returned to the farmers market and I've never seen them anywhere else.
- Hell yeah they are!
  I've been wanting to do one that's basically the same as what I outlined, but vegan. I was thinking maybe if I take portabello mushrooms I could slice them on a mandoline to get like really flat mushroom rounds, roast those, use the jus and bits that won't slice flat from the mushrooms to make a vegan gravy, and have like a "roast beef" banh mi
Historically speaking this is their response to pretty much any communication with a foreign culture.
I think this may have strayed too far from its origins as a poverty food. White bread, butter, cucumber and mayonnaise (if you're fancy) paired with some weak tea drowned in milk is a perfect way to save money so you can afford to have a TV license to watch England lose at football or splurge on Wensleydale Cheese to eat with your Christmas fruit cake and Christmas goose or go to Ibiza and get horribly sunburnt while complaining that the Spanish people are speaking Castellano.
Plus it helps keep you thin so you can fit in chimneys to sweep.
Sounds like a good sandwich, I had a tasty bahn mi last week
cu
ber sandwich
The irony is that OPs sandwich is legit the whitest thing I have ever seen
- Have you ever seen a British cucumber sandwich? It’s little more than a thin slice of cucumber (no skin) in between two slices of whatever that cake is that they call white bread. At least OP’s sandwich has jalapeño and sri racha in it.
  
  It's the overcompensation. No indigenous cuisine is ever as tortured as that.
- Jalapeños are 5-10x less spicy. White Americans are usually in two camps when it comes to spiciness:
  Can't handle it at all, start crying from just a single slice of jalapeño.
  Extreme hot sauce masochists looking for pain and not flavor.
  Also bird's eye chilis aren't available in every grocery store but there is always one that has them and is reasonably close.
- The irony is you can eat me, it's still better than cucumber on toast
It's funny because you're not even getting into exotic ingredients with the most far out being what? Sriracha? Cilantro? Ginger? They didn't even suggest MSG that scares everyone off. You're not pickling with rice wine vinegar and sugar (though I think you should) You could probably serve that shit in the bible belt and people wouldn't look twice.
- Iirc it's literally the recipe for a banh mi that came from hello fresh, so like, the whitest version of such possible lol
  
  A fast food chain here in Copenhagen put a whole grain banh mi on the menu
- I've had some GREAT Asian cuisine in Arkansas. It's out there.
- You can find cilantro, ginger, and sriracha in white people groceries in the us, at least outside themidwest.
I'd much rather eat jellied eels
- Eels
  
  I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
  yewtu.be
  inv.nadeko.net
  yt.artemislena.eu
  piped.video
- Oi govna
I have an unironic hatred of all anglos
Surely they must understand after writing that why people clown on WASP food.

101 comments