Decades of wearing band t-shirts and not even once that happened to me (even at a concert). Men don't ask that kind of questions to each other, which means it's only used to antagonise women.
Is it possible these men think they're flirting?
It's the adult version of hitting a girl in the shoulder at the playground and then running away.
The real irony is that if you change the question just a bit, it can be used for flirting:
Oh, you like that band? Cool, which songs do you like? You don't know any? Girl, let me tell you, they're awesome! What's your name?
Honestly, it being a way for this type of man to condescend and control is more likely, IMO.
I don't mean this as a damning counterpoint but I can think of at least one occasion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqK-i6KSY88
Men don't ask women that either ops larping
Edit: large amounts of comments stand me corrected. the social circles i move in howrver habe never had this happen
I've had a similar exchange happen twice. The first, I was asked to name songs from the band's earlier albums (i.e. songs that hadn't been played at the gig). The other time, it wasn't asked as a question, but like "I bet you couldn't even name [arbitrary number] of their songs".
It definitely happens, and besides those specific instances, I've had countless gatekeepy comments that allude to me only [wearing band t-shirt/having video game pins/patches on my bag/being at a gig] to pick up guys because obviously I'm a massively slutty succubus who only haa hobbies to help me find prey.
Unfortunately I've watched my guy friend do this to his gf and then followed it up by shutting her down when she didn't answer immediately.
Terrible advice. If men like that really exist in the real world I wouldn’t suggest antagonising them. My advice to anyone is to learn how to say “I’m sorry I don’t speak -native language- “ in a non-native language. So much of my life has been improved and enriched by looking blankly at people and saying: “lo siento, pero no hablo inglés” and walking away…
until you run into the rare polyglot bigot
It’s ok, ignore them - you won’t understand what they’re shouting at you anyway as they follow you down the street as, remember, no hablas inglés.
i never heard about a polyglot bigot, maybe people lertitg other languages open their mind?, or i am biased?
"Uh, what I meant to say was, nihongoga wikari miwasuka?"
I think its great to have a range of options when confronted with a situation like that. If someone wants to antagonize someone for gatekeeping, all power to them and if they want to just get out of the situation with the least amount of trouble, then the same.
Being able to respond to situations in multiple ways instead of just one gives people real autonomy and can feel really empowering.
You’re not wrong, in general - but if the type of men mentioned in the post exist i.e. grown adults who are prepared to confront young women / girls specifically about their musical choices - I wouldn’t recommend antagonising them. An idiot is indeed an idiot but a male idiot with his feelings hurt by “a mere female” can become so much worse that I couldn’t, in all consciousness, recommend engaging with them in this very specific scenario.
"Nombre cinco de sus canciones."
I just like seeing kids have a connection to my generation. When I pick up my kid from school I see Tupac and Biggie and Nirvana and Sublime shirts and it feels nice. Even if they don't realize I'm literally playing one of their songs through my open window.
(Not a Pac or Biggie song, though. Not in car line at least.)
It’s why gatekeeping is so fucking stupid. What? You don’t want more people listening to your favorite music or watching your favorite show? You don’t want more people to relate to? Congratulations, mission accomplished!
I loved listening to punk/metal when I was younger but that was definitely a nasty habit I picked up. I don’t know how it is these days, but in the 90s and 2000s there was very much a tendency to call anybody who didn’t pass your arbitrary litmus test a “poser.” Pretty baked into the culture at the time. You had to tear down other people to assert how authentic you were.
I think the punk scene is one of the most welcoming communities to anyone these days who isn't there to hate or be negative. It's not just 3 piece bands anymore, there's rap and hip hop, electronic, and a lot of small genres that aren't widely accepted so they just join the punk scene. Also those of us who were new in 90s-2000s are now the old heads and don't want to inflict that experience on the new kids.
The punk scene at least in Seattle is very chill and welcoming. I see all kinds of people at the shows nobody gives anyone any shit. I'm usually in workout clothes for practical moshing reasons looking like a fucking suburban mom out for a jog. Nobody's ever said anything to me about my decidedly not punk appearance. I've never heard anyone say poser as anything other than an in joke like calling a friend a poser
I actually brought my mom to a show last year there was maybe 20 people total counting the band members. She's just a sweet old lady everyone thought it was great sharing music and culture with someone very clearly not part of the scene
@Semi@kbin.social yeah I love seeing GenZ in 90s clothes and band shirts.
Played the Rebel Rebel video to a Gen Z kid one and they ran out of the room and came back dressed as like Bowie as they could. Gave me warm fuzzies.
It could be a great segue into current music, too!
As a guy who was wearing Pink Floyd, Beatles, and Rush shirts in high school in the 90s I relate to these kids
One of the best things about being a middle aged old fuck is not only being able to give those five names plus a dozen others is that I'm no longer enough of an idiot to care if someone is wearing a band as fashion instead of fandom.
Mind you, when it's a band I'm really into, I'm disappointed when it's fashion only, but at least it's a chance to have a good convo about a band. But the fact you don't open up with the bullshit "name five songs" goes a long way. You can just start out not being a douche and mention the band, say they're great/you like them too, and just be two humans doing the thing we do best: talk about nothing important.
Shit, I've made friendly acquaintances by exactly that kind of interaction. See a cool shirt or whatever, strike up a conversation, make it short and friendly without pushing at all, and people remember. The next time you see them, they smile, maybe throw horns \m/ if it's a metal band and that's part of how you brought it up, and now there's two people smiling and waving at each other instead of just grimly looking down and ignoring the world.
Fuck, my favorite cashier at the grocery store was like that. Threw horns, dude looked confused, I explained that the band on his shirt was a metal (ish, depending on how you count Danzig lol) band. He didn't know it was a band shirt, it's just the skull logo with no text.
Now he knows me by name and waves me over to his line when he sees me so we can chat a bit while business happens. Turns out, he likes a couple of the songs on the cd I made for him, so now he is a fan of sorts. Cool fucking kid.
Which is a long winded way of saying to do the golden rule thing and don't be a douche about music.
I always thought Danzig was pretty much baseline metal in the 90s. His other band was (is? I don't keep up) a few subgenres of punk.
But truthfully I don't try to keep up with how they draw genre lines. I like what I like, and Danzig makes music I like.
I have nothing useful to add to anything you've said and agree with your message.
"maybe throw horns \m/ "
Man, I love devil horns, it's a great non verbal communicator. I remember seeing someone wearing a t-shirt of one of my favourite bands at an semi fancy event once. I wasn't able to go over and talk to them, so I excitedly waved, pointed at my own t-shirt (which was plain), and then threw devil horns. They understood what I was saying and in that moment, a friendship was formed, although unfortunately we never got the chance to actually talk.
I just love the fact that I was dressed quite unlike I usually do, so didn't have many alt aspects of my appearance, but this one neat hand gesture was sufficient to establish rapport between me and someone cool.
It's kinda crazy how something that simple can unite people. Metal is membership in a worldwide community, with that nigh universal symbol Apple able to bridge languages and culture in a way that very little else does.
It's beautiful
I remember doing the horns at the graduation ceremony for my bachelor's diploma. I look back in embarrassment but I just sort of didn't know what else to do.
I think I know like 3 women to be fair
Point still stands 😂
Whats your five favorite Tom Cardy songs!?
Would it be so hard to not shame other people for liking a band but maybe not knowing their entire discography, regardless of your or their (perceived) gender?
I'm not sure I know 5 people I trust outside of family members.
Yeah, having sponsored women gamers in the gaming community, but am otherwise a recluse, I know three women who aren't family. Though family also includes wife and stepdaughters.
I strive to be trustworthy, though it's risky to leave fresh baked goods near me unattended for very long. (There have been incidents.) But even when I'm on good terms with wifey friends, I can't say they trust me.
I only trust one person and no one on my family.
I'm not sure I know 5 people...
Well fuck. I can only name 3 non family women I trust. Then again I can only name one man that I trust and that's including family. Guess I'm old and jaded.
I imagine this is pretty normal for most men older than college age.
Another fun one would be to put on a furrowed, thoughful brow and slowly count with your fingers, "Go..." " Fuck..." "Yourself..." And either shooing then with your hand or turn away without awaiting a response.
What coming-of-age movie did you excerpt that line from?
When the band is newly formed and has only released a 3 song EP thus far: 😫
I'm disappointed that this still exists, but sexism certainly still does so maybe I shouldn't be. I just took a class today on high conflict personalities; now I'm not sure how great this response would be but yesterday I would have thought it was great. Maybe some questions just don't need a response. I feel mixed.
A bit nonsequitur isn't it? What's the statement supposed to mean "you wouldn't trust me even if I told you?"
It means the guy is a douchebag.
The advice guy or the rude questions guy? Because I just feel like saying nothing and making confused eyebrow prolonged eye contact would be a bigger own than saying something stupid in response.
That should be really easy to do for most men.
Yes, but most men wouldn't ask that question.
Exactly, decades of wearing band t-shirts and not even once that happened to me (even at a concert). Men don't ask that kind of questions to each other, which means it's only used to antagonise women.
Yes, but not men who would gatekeep random strangers.
I have a bad habit of quoting lyrics and expecting everyone to know what I'm talking about.
It's a sea of blank faces.
Also having been trained in design, I think it's appropriate to wear well-designed logos or shirts, even if the product advertised is shoddy.
This is so cringe.
Name five women who trust you.
I can think of like 20 off the top of my head. I'm not going to break their trust by putting names here.
Does this still happen? The last time this happened to me I think I was about 9 and they couldn't have been much older. I think I was wearing a 311 shirt. And that was in like 1993 when 'poser' was just about the meanest thing you could call someone.
I get it, but honest question... why wear a shirt for a band you hardly know?
Mine are hand me downs from my older brother 🤷 also they're comfy shirts with good designs
Fair enough, though I would probably give you a light ribbing lol. If I see someone wearing a shirt for a band I love, I am definitely going to ask their favorite album because I actually want to know. I see them as conversation starters and it's really exciting to me when I think I've found someone I have something in common with. It's really hard to find people I relate to and it's such a letdown when I realize I was wrong.
Because Niall or Liam or whoever wore it
I'm gonna keep it real, I think the post is about you
So needlessly hostile
Works both ways
This is fun. Ok so my daughters, wife, two coworkers, and about 4 friends off the top of my head. Cool, what did I win?
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My mum,
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my grandma (dad's side)
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My granny (mum's side)
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my auntie on my mum's side,
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my aunties twin (also my auntie on my mum's side)
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my auntie (on my dad's side)
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my other auntie (on my dad's side),
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my 3rd auntie (also on my dad's side)
Wait that's eight women who trust me. Still counts.
Anybody that’s non-family?
Edit: no?
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