I am totally a CIA agent, HexBear is under investigation for... stuff! All you commies need to give me a shoebox will all your money in it now or you're totally going to Gitmo!
DM with with your address immediately and I'll show up with a van to take all your money.
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this is a joke if that wasn't obvious
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OR IS IT!?!?!? Better have your money ready just in case!
Sorta tempted to reach out to that woman and be like "I know how to get your $50,000 back but I'll have to pay my MI6 contacts with your remaining $30,000, don't worry, doing this will prove how little of a 'rube' you are"
Jokes on you I'm part of a new special branch of CIA that has authority over your branch of CIA and I hate to break it to you but you're being ordered to donate all your department's money to communism.
I assume that this is exactly how office politics work in the CIA. Like you just go steel people's shit from the break room fridge and they can't do anything about it because no one is legally allowed to admit you exist or something.
Oooh I don't know. Maybe I could talk to my husband first? If it's serious though I could just go get the money now. As a journalist I know how sensitive this stuff can be.
I am a federal agent of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, et Firearms.
You can be convicted for impersonating a CIA agent, since they are only allowed on international territory, beyond the scope of the U.S.
Remember, for this crime....
If prosecuted by indictment, the maximum penalty is 5 years incarceration. If prosecuted by summary conviction, the maximum penalty is 2 years less a day jail and/or a $5,000 fine (from Sept 19, 2019).
Note:
I can legally shoot you 2 times in the head, with a .38 revolver, under the pretence of self-defense, if not frame it as a suicide, with the aid of some folks I know...
I will hand it to you as soon as the wallet inspector returns my wallet. It's been 4 years but I assume with Covid and general government bureaucracy I should get it back any day now