Shampoo

…and they’re both just repackaged Suave®…

48% less hog fat? Shrinkflation strikes again.

Not my shimpoo :(
- The bastards are taking away my damn shampoo and I’m furious!
Seriously. Where can I get that shampoo that just pure hog fat?
But at least Chimp poo.

Listen, I like my shampoo like I like my man. White, pasty and offensive.
- negging works for shampoos
Shame-poo
It's been a long time since I've seen an iFunny watermark.
Same tbh

In return, Women get to smell like coconuts and vanilla, while we men are relegated to scents like "burnt charcoal and 7 year old engine oil"

There's no laws preventing you from using what you perceive as women's hair care products.
- My baldness sufficiently prevents me from using them.
- Yes, but I think the (true) point was that male-marketed products are always either:
  Arctic freshness 0°K we'll make you feel like you're naked on an iceberg in the middle of the North Pole
  Or:
  Now you smell like your grandfather! Some wood, musk, and cedar cones
  Why is it so and what does it tell of our society and weird expectations? A great deal of men do NOT appreciate this approach, and sure turn to the products marketed for women.
  We should either break that insanely entrenched stereotype about "masculine" scents, or better just ditch product gendering altogether.
  Yay for men smelling like vanilla and strawberry yoghurt!
- Easy, it’s the more expensive ones.
- what you perceive as
  Sometimes it says straight on the box "women's shampoo" lol
- I mean, I do, despite being bald. But its still quite jarring how much worse products for men smell.
- I mean that is great and obvious and all but it is completely the case that they are women's products. They are on all the boxes, ads and testimonials. In the women's aisle.
gonna smell like that anyway.
- Seriously. My goals today are to change my oil and grill some chicken.
Do you have something against 7 year old engine oil?
- Anything less than 10 years didn't have enough time to ripen.
What's funny is that I'm now at the point of using bar soap as my "shampoo", but the store currently only has heavily scented bar soap, so I do actually smell like 🍑 and 🍊.
- That doesn't work here. Natural soap, saponified fats, causes soap scum in hard water. If it puts a mineral coating on your tub, it will do the same to your hair.
- Yeah I just use bar soap and I've got fairly long hair. Works well enough as long as you're not too aggressive with it.
I love the tar smell tbh

Can not legally be called "shampoo"

Ah, a sham-shampoo.

Sham-shampoo is better than sham-poo.
At least it's not chimpoo

I use womens deodorant, not fruity ones but "fresh" ones i guess. Can't stand mens deodorant, reminds me of locker room stank.
- reminds me of locker room stank
  I wonder why
- IMO people should just use medical (smelless) deodorant, as smell is subjective, so there is a smaller chance to annoy someone.
I'm using one that's labeled as "Cobalt". Smdh doesn't smell anything like actual cobalt, what a ripoff
- I don't use deodorant with aluminum and parabens. Today I prefer to use a solid stick deodarant made from magnesium and other components
- It had better at least be blue.
  Lol, jokes on us they're all blue, cobalt or not
- Does cobalt have some particular smell?
  I don't know but I think a deodorant with cobalt doesn't seem like a "healthy" thing to put under the armpits lol
- It's not even partially radioactive
If it were possible to have a deodorant that itself had no odor at all, that's what I would choose.
"Unscented" still has a very clear scent.
- I too prefer unscented, and usually the women's version. Current one I usually use is the thin Tom's of Maine unscented, which I think is the one for women. The thick blue body has the powdery deodorant while the thin white body has the smooth solid.
I want gunpowder or sawdust scents.

Same as the shower gel, where there are lots of "flavours" and then some just labelled "MEN" with no indication of what they smell of.^[Engine oil and Swarfega]

Cool Sport Rush
- Let's not forget Barb Wire and New Yacht.
If you want to make a footnote, try this^[Hit the "view source" icon to see how. It looks like a text file.]. This is going off a default web client, but I think the others should support it too.
- Thanks, have edited. Somebody did tell me that ages ago, but I'd forgotten!

Does nobody use 17 in 1 hair detergent, body wash, conditioner, deoderant, moisturizer, hand soap, shaving cream, beard oil, lip balm, callous remover, hand sanitizer, bubble bath solution, epsom salt, dandruff treatment, cologne, hair gel, and junk defunker anymore?

Don’t forget leather conditioner, rust remover, engine degreaser, paint thinner, weed killer, barbecue charcoal starter, epoxy cure accelerator!
- In a pinch, it can also clean windows.
Out here in hard water country we just call that "Dove"
Seriously if you're looking for a soap that just plain works in ANY water and doesn't leave your skin feeling like it shrank a size, a good old bar of Dove is the answer.
Only if it has at least 93 octane rating and no less than 40% alcohol content.
All one God! Dilute! Dilute! Exceptions eternally? NONE!

Then the fuckers start putting more perfumes in it.

Goddamn, that pisses me off. Had to find another AIO shampoo that didn't make my eyes burn when I used it. Used Pert for 20+ years until some marketing asshat forgot who the demographic was.

10-in-one from hair to car

- The swiss army knife of liquids.

From your hair, to your car, to your industrial kiln, Shimpoo will make it shine.

Keep your shampoo away from my kiln. You'll wreck the heating elements.

I went to get a massage for the first time. You can have a scent during your massage, so I was like why not? So they listed a huge list of smells and flavors. And one of the scents they had was cedar. Of course I picked that one. The masseuse was immediately like "I would say like 80% of all of the guys that come in here pick cedar." No regrets, it smelled great. Reminded me of woodworking.

Sounds nice (the massage, not necessarily that particular scent). I've never gotten a massage before but I've been thinking about getting a couples massage with my wife. There's so many massage places though. How do I choose one?
- chose the one nearest to you or the most convenient to get to (maybe a place that's along your daily commute). If you like it, kepp going there. If the result is unsatisfactory, chose another one next time.
- Call around, ask for prices and availability. The good ones are usually booked up, though often not terribly expensive.
  Also ask if they take insurance; most of the shady rub and tug places do not, but the legit ones sure do
- Reviews, I did a couples massage with my wife. It was my first time. I would highly recommend.

Jimmy: "Mane n' Tail." Is this horse shampoo?
Chazz: Yes, it is.
Jimmy: Do you use this stuff on your hair?
Chazz: Uh-huh.
Jimmy: "For a lustrous coat." Does this actually work?
Chazz: You bet your ass it does. It makes my hair shine like Orion's belt...

--== B L A D E S / O F / G L O R Y ==--

I used cat shampoo on more than one occasion simply because the human shampoo was out of reach.
- Cat shampoo? Oh the one with blood marks all over it. I see.

Fuck, we're old... 😞
I know I know that show, but I can't remember what it is...
- It’s Ranma 1/2 (and for anyone who didn’t get the joke, the character’s name is literally “Shampoo”)

They forgot to add a list of ingredients that makes it sound like it is a fruit salad.

I'm convinced my wife's shampoo could be considered a full meal of you drink it.
- Maybe a full serving of fruits and veggies, but there's no protein in there, at least not what we mean when we talk about protein in nutrition. Probably not many carbs either. I would also suspect that the rest of the product is undigestable, if not straight up toxic

Those are both fancy. I use bicarb

A bread roll in each hand?
- Bicarb means being attracted to both bagels and baguettes
- I'm guessing, they mean baking soda: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodium_bicarbonate

95% similarity in ingredients, save for a small amount of extra moisturizer and scenting in the wife's.

Shimpoo also doubles as all purpose lubricant, engine oil, degreaser, pipe declogger, raticide, barbecue sauce, hair pomade, and SPF 50+ sunscreen.

Women sometimes have big vats of products too. I learned years ago that if my SO had a large bottle of lotion it cost $5.99, but the 3 oz. bottle was $59.99.

In the Netherlands, they stick English on packaging for prestige rather than French. Makes me laugh fairly often to see.

That’s because the French don’t use deodorant.
So Euro Shopper / AH Basic is prestige now?
- English is prestige! I don't think that's a controversial statement at all!

Wait till I tell you about the $1000s I spend on skin care…yep I said it

I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine. In the morning if my face is a little puffy I’ll put on an ice pack while doing stomach crunches. I can do 1000 now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial mask which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion.
- American Psycho?
- I wash my face with my shampoo and then bar said the rest of my body

"Essence of Whispered Dreams."
That actually sounds crazy cool, I would definitely buy that for my wife if it was available. Also the color is absolutely perfect.

*has totally been looked at by a dermatologist

Samurai shampoo

At my family's house, the men's shampoo is of the same brand and packaging as some of the women's shampoo, just with less floral names like "ocean" and "gingham legend," whatever that's supposed to mean.

In college we just used a communal refill sized jug of softsoap.

Painfully accurate.

It'd be more accurate if it was pointed out that they're identical outside some food coloring and perfume
And hers is $20/oz and his is 0.20/gallon

I stopped using shampoo. My hair and skin have never been better. Shampoo takes away the skin oils, so the skin needs to compensate by producing more skins oils, making your hair greasy. Stop using shampoo makes it worse for a week, then it gets better and the hair stops being greasy. Shampoo is just an unnecessary addiction.

I've tried using shampoo but my scalp feels super itchy after about a week. Is there an alternative to shampoo that don't remove skin oil or removes less?
- A week is actually way too fast, it took mine like 4 months to stop greasing up lol
- If you want to get into soapmaking, you can regulate the lye to fat ratio.
  I think the word is superfatted soap. You could search for that. Or soaps made from different fats (f.ex. olive oil or lanolin). Lanolin is apparently the best oil for our skin, but it's expensive.
- For what purpose? Shampoo is for ungreasing hair. A great alternative is water. Any soap is for bonding with fats. You could start washing your hair with shampoo less often, like once every month or so. But imo it's fine with not washing with shampoo at all. Just water. I have to say, I do not have a job where my hair gets dirty. I wouldn't recommend stop using shampoo when you work in a coal mine or as a firefighter for example. Also, I do wash it with shampoo after I swam in open water or a swimming pool for example. Washing away chlorine and bacteria.
- I use conditioner - it reapplies some oils to your hair and scalp.
- There's lipid balancing ones. Ones with Urea might be good too.
This works if you use zero products. No gels, no mousses, no hairspray.
- ‘zero products’
  cough ……racism…. cough
True. My hair has never been better.
Do you then ONLY wash the with water or do you wash them with something special from time to time? I use a little hair soap and apple vinegar maybe once a week, as they still tend to get a little "heavy" after days with just rinsing them with water.
- Only with water (it stabalises after a while). I do use shampoo after swimming in open water or a swimming pool, or after it gets dirty by anything else. Which is almost never.
my dad did this too and everyone was weirded out, but he's hairs is just normal. I've tried to get rid of products too but dandruff keeps still coming

This is so close. I make my own washing powder with some sketchy russian powdered curd soap probably made of animal fat. Cheap and efficient while smelling neutral.

- Its for my laundry, not my head :D

I just buy a large bottle of 3-in-1 shampoo + bodywash that smells reasonable enough and call it a day.

That's two, what is the third?
- I just checked my shampoo bottle:
  Face, hair, and body. So basically what it's saying is that it's soap.
- Body, hair, car
- Herbicide

This feels like a boomer joke.

The fact that my wife washed her hair with hand soap before we got together, counterpoint this cartoon...

Umm the incel right can't meme? Or a commentary on CPG industry?