*Cheeky nandos*

Translation:

It is hard to explain my friend.

It is as if one day you'll be with your friends, browsing in JD Sports (sports shop) and you fancy a curry from the "curry club" menu at Wetherspoons (a nationwide chain of drinking establishments that serve "pub" style food).

However your friend who is male, called Callum, who is also an absolute legend and the epitome of banter (friendly and humerous conversation of a non-serious manner) will say "Brethren (an old fashioned way of referring to a friend you consider a brother) let's have a naughty Nandos (a chain restaurant that specialises in Peri Peri style chicken) instead"

Consequently you will think "Most excellent, let's go there and excel at the process of ordering and eating food"

Unsolicited peer review time...
browsing in JD Sports (sports shop)
trainer shop, let's be realistic
from the "curry club" menu
The Thursday specials, to be specific.
called Callum
Calum
Brethren (an old fashioned way of referring to a friend you consider a brother)
This comes from Jamaican Patois, it's not just a memetic imitation of Early Modern English.
No further notes.
- Cheers bruv.
I need you to do the subtitles when I watch British shows.
- Hit me up fam, I'll do you a solid.
You've translated but original question of what a cheeky Nandos is remains. So cheeky translates to naughty? And naughty is a type of Nandos food? Is there non-naughty Nandos? Or are they eating it in a naughty way? Or is Nandos somehow naughtier than curry from Wetherspoons?
- My apologies no it isn't a type of food there, it is naughty in the terms of being indulgent or impulsive and is more of a turn of phrase that is often used in "lad culture" over here, which is sort of like a parallel to a "frat bro" in US culture. Think obnoxious, loud sometimes aggressive groups of guys.
  Cheeky in this sense was in the past more often used in terms of alcoholic beverages so often people would use it to say things like "Do you fancy getting a cheeky pint after work". More modern usage it is often used to refer to food as well as drink and in the case of "cheeky nandos" will quite often be used by aforementioned "lads" when they have already had a few drinks and want to go and indulge in some chicken before going out and getting shit faced for the night.
  Tldr: It is a turn of phrase used to mean indulging in an impulsive meal from the restaurant chain "Nandos"
- Is there some kind of spice level:naughtiness correlation?
- A cheeky monkey would be some sort of bum-looker, I reckon.
What the hell does this say
- It is as if one day you're in the mall, and you feel a little hungry for tikka masala, but your friend who is an absolute legend and your brother, asks if you want chicken tandoori instead and you say "haan let us eat it"
Dam, I really thought naughty nandos was day drinking (or drinking at a otherwise less than appropriate time).
Realistically though JD sports is to a sports shop what Curries is to a PC store.
Sure they sell trainers but their selection is strictly fashion related, if you want actual quality you're better off going literally anywhere else, even Clarks.
- Clarks are ace.

I'm calling foul. There's no way an absolute ledge would call it "the Spoons". It's just "Spoons".

Not that I'd drink there, mind. Fucking Brexit Arms.

Haven't stepped foot in one since 2016, with one exception where I went for a piss and run, can't say being there brought back fond memories, bit depressing if anything.
~~Are you a southerner by any chance?~~ Do you call it a bap, a roll? I've heard it called 'the spoons' when I was in Manchester (I'm French though, sorry about it. Proof: 'squiwwel')
- It's a roll, mate. Baps are tits, WAHEY!
... but there's only one spoons in their locality
- There’s only one Spoons near me. It’s called Spoons.

The brits no longer get to claim the English language.

sketti and meatballs
Neither do the yanks!
- as the only ones capable of proper English, the English language is passed on to the Dutch.
- That's redneck speak, not Yankee speak. Yanks say things like "fuggetabout it", and "Hey! I'm wolkin' 'ere!"
  Rednecks are mostly confined to the South-Eastern part of the country. Yanks are in the Northeast. Most Americans are neither Yanks nor Rednecks.
- Spaghetti is an Italian word, so it's fine!

Nando's is a South African multinational fast casual restaurant chain that specialises in Portuguese flame-grilled, peri-peri style chicken. The name is derived from a nickname for the male given name Fernando in reference to one of the company's founders, as in Fernando's restaurant. Founded in Johannesburg in 1987.

I think the big point of confusion is why it's cheeky to go to this restaurant.
- "cheeky" is a bit like a little treat. Something you shouldn't do, but isn't a big deal
- As the other commentator said, it's a bit of a "treat yoself" moment for a fast food chain thing that's surprisingly good.
  Though, when I was there, nobody actually called it a cheeky nandos, it was just "let's go to Nandos".
- Because you were going to get curry.
Wizard.

The drunks want chicken. S'not Italian.

Basically yeah
It's a quick in-and-out kebab place. You're not necessarily getting a normal meal, youre just popping in for a quick bite of chicken
Cheeky = playfully naughty more or less
I feel like it’s one of those things where as a native speaker you really should be able to understand it but if you’re ESL it’s fucking nightmare zone of slang and strong accents.
- I'm American and living in the UK, it's just as hard as if I was ESL

Never thought I'd see the day that Australian English sticks closer to proper English than British English

mate 'struth eh? One arvo your pissing around with your mates at JB browsing heaps and you might fancy a durry and flat white from HJs but ol' mate Dazza who's a shitcunt and the PM of piss-takes will be like 'bruz let's have a cheeky nandos" and you'll reckon "Mad. Let's fang it"
Many British English dialects are pretty much unintelligible to people who only know standard accents.
- Aye, appen.
This is british english.
- I thnk that's what they meant, as in, surprised that the British have bastardized English more than the Aussies have

This is a quote from a horror story. I'm annoyed that I can't seem to find it with a search, or remember the title or author. It's a good story. It goes on like this, iterating through more and more awful Nandos-based scenarios without ever losing the Chav speech patterns.

Hmm. Maybe the quote came first. There's a lot more hits for it than for the story.

"archbishop of banterbury" really got me. Top shelf.

This has been a thing on British-speaking dating app profiles for at least 10 years to the point that I absolutely hate it now.
- I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank you, Laszlo.

I just sent this to a couple of British friends of mine to translate

I'm British, let me do you the honour:
"Gesib, hit is earfoð þæt to secgenne. Hƿilum þū eart mid þīnum ƿinuman ƿandigende beforan JD’s ceapstōre, and þū miht ƿilnian þæs cires-clybbe æt þǣm Spōnum, ac þīn gefera Calum – þæt is ānhoga and hlāford beþēahte drycra – þæt ealdor of Banterbury, ƿill secgan: 'Brōðras, ƿuton gān to þǣm scēadan Nando’s.' And þū ƿilt secgan: 'Þæt is tōp! ƿuton hit tōsmiþian!'"
- S-tier shit post.
- That clears it up perfectly! Thank you!

why is his mate an arch bishop?

Archbishop of Canterbury, but "banter" instead of "Canter" because he's good at banter
- oooh that's funny
Cuz he’s an absolute ledge, brevs.
- got is bants pants on
- Cor

wif...

Genuine question, is this hard to understand as an American? I'm a non native English speaker who's met British people before and there's, like, 2 references in there I didn't catch, but otherwise, you can figure, no?

I had trouble with the references to JD, 'Spoons, and Nandos because I'm not familiar with UK retail and restaurant chains.
- I mean, the context tells you that the latter two are places where you can get food, that's about all that's relevant

I had some colleagues from UK, who talked like that from time to time between themselves. God knows how many cheeky beers we had.

Isn’t it just eating at nandos? Like that was the least confusing part of this whole conversation to me

I don’t know why people bang on about Nando’s, it’s not even that good.

I understood all of this but it was still quite hard to read because lots of people talk like this but nobody writes that way.

The last time I was at a Nando's I thought to try my hand at mild flirting, it somehow worked and the lady seemed interested, however before I could get her number I started getting extreme abdominal cramps and spent half the visit on the toilet... Praying to every god I could think of.
She said she'd like to see me again. I never went back. It's just not worth it... Good chicken though.
I love peri peri chicken but Nando’s is among the worst I’ve had. I don’t understand it, either.

And all this time I thought it was that one kick Will Osprey does.

https://youtu.be/EPr-JrW-a8o