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chapotraphouse @hexbear.net Posadas [he/him, they/them] @hexbear.net 6 mo. ago

Microplastics are stored in the balls

https://twitter.com/guardianscience/status/1792567605401936091

55 comments

My balls are so full and heavy with plastic I'm shooting out hot liquid g.i. joes every time I coom.
- That's why they call you the 3D printer peen
Gross get em out of me

And by that i mean my testicles
- I got you fam! This will only hurt once... But damn will it hurt! Afterwards you do me, yeah?
- TRUE!!!
life in plastic, it’s fantastic
What if the Great Filter is that plastics are relatively easy to make and seemingly really helpful but then they make your balls do that
- Just use science to turn skin cells into gametes. We can't do it with humans now but if we were going to go extinct, we'd figure it out.
  
  Children of Dandruff
t girls barbie dolls

being full of plastic
Permanently Deleted
- Brb I need to configure my e-steps
How do they know? No one's checked mine. Can yall have someone sent over?
- The IOF sperm squad checked you while you slept
- You don't get regular visits from your neighborhood ball and penis inspector?
  
  I'd bet money if this existed it'd be British
tired: hard dick

wired: hard balls

Death to America
I'm sure that won't have any consequences whatsoever
ooh I should get mine out of the freezer and have a look
Brace yourselves for some concern trolling about fertility rates
What if a mutation occurs and the plastic becomes part of the baby’s DNA making him extremely flexible and immortal
- And with the power to..... MELT
Has plastic surgery gone too far??

No, but seriously, microplastics are horrifying.
When everyone's balls fill up with plastics, we'll invent time travel, and send them back in time to be used as super bouncy balls. That's where those come from. It's very important that we keep polluting the environment with microplastics to preserve the stable time loop.
Half man, half microplastics
I've been practicing microplastics retention for 10 years now. So far I have already mastered levitation, reading minds and even more amzingly, I am extremely close to having full control over the size of my moobs.
if I have a vasectomy there's nothing exiting my balls when I cum, does that mean my balls are slowly filling with plastic?
- If I double or triple my busting am I emptying my balls of the buildup? Like donating blood and lessening the amount of PFAS in your body? I'm only partially joking
  
  Much like the regular police protect capital and property, the volcel police are protecting big plastic & petroleum
- you still bust with a vasectomy, but your gun's not loaded anymore
  
  After vasectomy, what you bust comes only from the prostate, while the swimmers are stuck in the balls, so yes, your balls will end up fully buoyant
Permanently Deleted
- I've gotta have the worst fucking cum
- fewer sperm but higher quality
  
  just one very powerful sperm, like a koi
I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily plastics.
nah pops i wasn't crankin it i was expelling microplastics
Wonder if they disrupt hormones?
- im like "god that would be so fucking cool" as i dine on a credit card with a knife and fork
I guess it's a good thing I got mine removed. One less place to store the substance that will probably kill me in 30 years.
Now will this get white guys to care about the environment?

"Pollution will literally make your dick smaller! Pollution will cause the most horrible thing imaginable....men will be....LESS MANLY!"

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