What's the best question to ask someone who you don't know very well?

"SO HOW ABOUT THAT ISRAELI - PALLESTINIAN CONFLICT?"

My wife and I literally started our first conversation with abortion. I'd jokingly mentioned it because she said she liked deep conversation and she went "fuck it, let's go."
"Fuck it, let's go" has been our life philosophy ever since.
- Had a gf back in the day and we started at the bar like that.
  "I'm a man, my opinion doesn't really count here, but I have one."
  "Correct answer."
Be careful with your expression so that you offend supporters of both sides equally

On our old WoW guild application form we included:

"Please rank all of the Star Trek captains you know from best to worst"

and then gave them a nice big empty text box to go to town in. Some answered seriously, and exhaustively. Some only knew Kirk, or didn't know any at all. Some chose to go off on a rant about Star Wars being better, or include a joke or tell an anecdote about their relationship to scifi.

Whatever the answer we always learned something about the person and that was a good jumping off point if they got accepted. We did get the occasional humourless "wtf this is stupid" type response but, shockingly, this was rarely the only reason we had for denying such applications.

What distro are you running as your daily driver?

Ok after 5months here I have to ask, what the fuck is a distro?
- It has to do with Linux.
  Linux itself is not a fully fledged operating system as most people would expect it. Since Linux has to work on servers and microchips as well as on desktop PCs, lots of stuff is not shipped with it.
  For example Linux is missing a way to display windows and has no real package manager.
  A distro (or distribution) is a predefined set of of software, that makes it easier for a user to use Linux.
  This is mostly a window manager or desktop environment like KDE or GNOME, a package manager like apt or pacman and useful software like an office suite, a browser and other stuff.
  Distros also exist for servers, the ln they don't include a way to display images, but still have a package manager and other useful stuff preinstalled.
  That's of course not all, but maybe gives you a little overview.
Arch btw
And why is it arch?
Fedora 39, and it runs beautifully on my gaming laptop. I'm pondering trying out the COSMIC DE for kicks, but I'm also liking GNOME 45.
- This question is like catnip for Linux users, we just can't help it.

My usual go-to is to ask what their latest/current obsession is. It works really well for a few reasons:

it's nice and simple to ask - it doesn't require a monologue/wall of text to set up, and it doesn't require you to know anything about them to ask it;
it's both as personal and as low-stakes as they want it to be. They can give very intimate, in-depth answers if they feel like it, or they can just mention something like the latest film they enjoyed. There's no risk of making them uncomfortable by asking it;
it lets you filter out boring people who don't really take interest in anything;
assuming they do have interests, it often gives you plenty of opportunities to dive into deeper conversation;
it's often engaging for them because they get to talk about something they're passionate about;
it's often interesting for you because people talking about things they're passionate about is awesome (and often attractive).
it's pretty much always relevant and fresh because their latest obsession will change over time. This makes it particularly great for things like dating sites/apps because people's bios will often be out of date and/or they'll have talked about the things mentioned in their bio so much that they're kind of sick of them.

I've actually had multiple people on dating sites tell me how great a question they think it is, and that they're going to use it themselves in the future. So obviously it's not just me who thinks it's a great question!

I sometimes ask what has been keeping them busy, usually like that, I find it doesn't work. What sort of phrasing do you use? Or is what I asking like really different from what you are referring to?
- Pretty different, I'd consider it. Something may keep me busy, while not being passionate about it.
  I (body) am normally busy bc of work-related shenanigans, but I (mind) am obsessed with the latest game installed on my PC.
That sounds really cool.
@fellow_germans: How can I express this in german? The literal translation "Was ist deine aktuelle Obzession?" doesn't sound right, because of the different meanings of obsession. Maybe "Welches Thema beschäftigt dich gerade?", though this also doesn't seem to have the correct ring to it.

Have you seen that ludicrous display last night?

What was he thinking walking it in like that?
- Thing about Arsenal they always try to walk it in

I had a friend in college that would just say, "So, what's your deal?"

I'm shocked at how well it worked. Open ended, so you only get what they're willing to talk about, but they'll still be ok talking.

Sounds agressive. Doubt it would work in all circles.
- Delivery had a lot to do with softening the approach.
  Definitely not for all situations, but to be fair, no approach could be.
- "What's YOUR deal?" sounds pretty aggressive, "what's your DEAL?" sounds borderline inflammatory, but I think there's a very neutral delivery without particular stress that sounds more like an open ended question than an aggression. Still, probably not great around fully sober folks.

Have you ever danced with the Devil by the pale moonlight?

I haven't, but I've always wanted to. Do you recommend any favorite spots?
- Crossroads at midnight when the moon is full.
Have you ever fallen into a tank of toxic chemical waste?
I ask that of all my prey, I like the sound of it.

What's your favourite dinosaur?

What's your favorite dinosaur?
- Thanks to Jurassic Park it was the Velociraptor. But then I learned that their depiction was totally wrong. But then again my children taught me that they are even cool as murder chickens. So everything is well.
  But still, I think the Emu is cooler.

Are you forklift certified?

Yes, And you won't belive how it happend...
I can't believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification. All online, never have to touch an actual forklift.
I don't know if that's common knowledge, but I just found out because I went through the process myself to get certified.
- I can't believe how easy it is to get a forklift certification.
  That varies by jurisdiction.
  Where I am, it requires a theory test and an in-person practical test.
  And you need to re-certify every 3 years.

If the answer is yes it's immediate love at first sight.
- Weirdly enough I dreamt someone did this right in front of me last night. My subconscious is odd.
Quentin is that you?

"What defines a sandwich?"

Mate, are you looking to start a conversation or a heated debate?
TIL you do NOT call a piece of meat on a bun a sandwich in AU/NZ... That's called a burger. I argue a burger, regardless of its own definition, is still a sandwich.
- A burger is a sandwich.

What are you doing in my bathroom?

Something that'll lead to fairly flippant, casual, low-stakes chit chat about completely unimportant bullshit. People like getting a chance to get a sort of baseline reading of you, so talk about flippant, dumb, unimportant things for a little bit. Preferably ones that they are 100% certain to have recently experienced themselves, so it can go back and forth smoothly.

Given the diversity of humanity, this is a fairly short list. Weather, food, free time hobbies, etc. If they're like a student, or work in a particular industry, that opens up a lot of options. But for a stranger? Just got a few to pick from. So, just pick one.

They call it "small talk" for a reason though. The real purpose of the talk has absolutely nothing to do with the actual subject of the discussion.

The real purpose of the talk has absolutely nothing to do with the actual subject of the discussion.
That makes it really confusing. What's a good question, then? Ask about the weather?
- Honestly? The weakness of the standard small talk topics is how common and banal they are, which bores people. I recommend them because they're so easy, and the cost of boring people for a few minutes is fairly small.
  But it's not ideal. For ideal you need something flippant, unimportant but also novel. Since novelty is now valued though, that means you can't be using the same thing over and over. Other people will probably have used it too, if it works, and that means its not novel.
  So, the actual best ice-breaker topic? Some clever, interesting or amusing observation about something in your immediate environment that you can both look at. That adds thinking on your feet to the mix though, so is more of an intermediate level of social skill. Best to have the boring fundamentals nailed down first.
  So, yeah, I'm perfectly comfortable leaning on something as dull as the weather. And it makes decent enough practice at chit chatting. But eventually picking more novel subjects that also fit the requirements is better.
  The actual question would usually go something like "Hey, did you see that?"

"Who are you and how did you get into my house?"

I'm a locksmith, and, I'm a locksmith.

So what do you like to do for fun? Or, What are some of your hobbies?

I find these much better than "so what do you do for work?", which is what I'm asked constantly. "Yes, person who I don't know, let me discuss work during my free time with you."

This is one of the questions that gives me the most social anxiety when meeting new people. It stresses me out because I don't have any conventional hobbies. I don't think dicking around on Discord, Lemmy, and YouTube really counts as much of a hobby.
- I mean what Discords do you participate in? What Lemmy communities do you follow? What videos on YouTube do you like to watch?
  You can reframe this and say, "I like to participate in online chat forums about the latest gaming news and technology (discord). I look for cool recipes and cooking techniques (Lemmy cooking community). And I love trying to find new funny comedians to listen to (YouTube)." I think if you narrow it down to the interests you enjoy, rather than "dicking around online" you'll find that you have interesting things to talk about.
  Obviously those examples are my own, but I'm sure you use those platforms because they feed you certain content that you enjoy.
- Someone else said asking what your current obsession is would be a good icebreaker. Do you think that would be better?
  I feel like that way nontraditional hobbies could be included so you could talk about things like Lemmy or whatever your favourite Youtuber is up to. Would that bring up the same level of anxiety?
I find that this backfires sometimes because many people don't seem to have any hobbies.
In the context of an interviewer, I sometimes ask "can you teach me something cool about one of your interests in 5 min?" It's not the same context obviously but you learn a lot about a person quickly that way. Bonus point is, I learn cool stuff about new things I'm probably not familiar with haha
- If you ask me about my hobbies you'd better have some free time and a comfortable seat.
- I have friends that claim they "don't have hobbies" but the truth is that they spend all their time with their kids and working.
  So if they say, "well I don't do much in the way of hobbies because I'm too busy working and taking care of my kids." You can then follow up with "well what do you do for work?" Or "what's the last vacation or outing you did with your kids?" Or "what are your kids interested in? How old are they? Tell me about their personalities."
  The fact that they "don't have hobbies" isn't necessarily it backfiring, you then just need to pivot based on their answers. This is just a way to break the ice with someone.
  Everyone spends their days doing things, you are really just asking them "how do you spend your time?" Everyone has an answer to that...unless they are in a coma.

What init system do you use on your Linux distro?

My go to is "how was your weekend?" Hopefully they'll drop enough information that you can turn it into a conversation.

It usually ends in awkward silence. 🤐

I kind of hate when people ask my things like that because I often had a fun weekend but now can't remember what all I did so I have to stop and remember for a while before answering, so I usually just say it was nice and hope they don't ask for more details.
- I kind of hate when people ask my things like that because I often had a fun weekend
  I hate it for exactly the opposite reason - I seldom go anywhere or do anything interesting the weekend.
- Eh. Yeah. I don't usually have a lot in common with people, so I try to find some common ground that can start a conversation. I'm not very good at noticing what people like/do, so this gets a conversation moving.
  I also forget my weekends. Which turns into a topic of conversation too. 😬
I hate when people ask me this because either it makes me think about how I didn’t get to what I wanted on the weekend, or how I was depressed over the weekend… On a good day the problem is that I mostly like to keep my hobbies and personal life to myself. I guess I’m probably hard to get to know 😅.
- I know what you mean.
  I started doing it because I noticed that I felt lonely at work, so I put an effort into small talk and making myself a bit more available. Part of that involved being more open about my hobbies and free time. It was worth it for me.
  I had an acquaintance that started following hockey solely so she would have a conversation starter. I don't have that kind of commitment, so I just do the weekend thing.
You: "How was your weekend?“ Them: glares at you in silence

How many hard boiled eggs do you think you can fit in your mouth?

If they are an acquaintance from work or someone I see frequently it might make them laugh and if they give it a moment of thought they're probably the kind of person I'd enjoy talking with.

In all seriousness though someone already said asking what they are obsessed or passionate about at the moment and I'd probably go that direction. It's nice to see people enthusiastic about stuff they really like especially if they don't normally get a chance to talk about it.

Luke : I can eat fifty eggs.
Dragline : Nobody can eat fifty eggs.
Society Red : You just said he could eat anything.
Dragline : Did you ever eat fifty eggs?
Luke : Nobody ever eat fifty eggs
- Didn't expect a Cool Hand Luke reference

Who are you?

Seen any good movies or shows lately?

No I don't have the attention spand for anything over 10min I only watch TikTok compilations on YouTube

How about this weather?

Don't underestimate small talk. It lets people take their wall down.

I am a team manager, on status meetings on fridays I always ask if someone has good plans for the weekend, and on monday I ask how was your weekend.

I get a lot of silence, and most of the time I tell some bits of what I did, but from time to time someone tells something about what they did.

I think that is good for the team, since we are all remote, it's a little bit of socializing and have something to talk about other than work.

At my old organisation we always had mandatory "check ins" at the start of weekly meetings where everyone took turns saying whatever was on their heart and how their day was going.
Always a bit awkward at first with a new team, but a month in and people would really open up, and it was really helpful as manager to figure how people were holding up. Especially during covid/lockdown.
- Any examples of stuff that felt awkward at first and then was less awkward as time went on?

Do you like getting your asshole licked by a fat man in an overcoat?

Who's asking?
- Yeah who is asking ?

My sister showed me a fun drinking game recently:

One person closes their eyes until the other person/people decide on a number 1-10.

After they all agree, the person opens their eyes then asks the group to rate an item from a category 1-10. Do this with 3 different categories. At the end, the person tries to guess which number was agreed on.

So, the group could agree on 7/10 and the guesser could ask "types of beers" and the group could say lagunitas, skulpin, etc ...

Other good questions involve "people we both know", "sexual experiences"...

Around this time of year one of my best conversation starters is "What's your least favorite Christmas song?". Everyone (at least here in the US) has at least one Christmas song that annoys the shit out of them, but you'll get tons of different answers.

Or you'll get murdered because now that evil song is stuck in their head until next June...
Hm.. maybe a good ice breaker but a bit negative isn't it? Why spend energy on somethin you don't like ?
- Because people are opinionated. It's a fun way to hear someone speak passionately about something. Gives you a sense of who they are.
- British people are famous for discussing the weather as small talk. British weather is 90% shit. We're still alive.
  So I don't think negative questions are a bad thing.
Slade's Christmas song. Every fucking year without fail it comes on in supermarkets and has done for decades.
- Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  Slade's Christmas song
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
All of them. I am the president of my local Christmas Music Haters Club.

AM I PLEASED TO SEE YOU OR IS THIS A CANOE IN MY POCKET? WOOF!

FORD Method

I thought this was that acronym thing from I think always sunny in philidelphia? About like trying to uh pickup girls or something dumb like that.

Who are you?

Who who, who, who
- Tell me who are youuuu
Tell me, who is this Encarnacion?

Hello what's your name?

Half man, half bear and half pig obviously.

"What is rimming?"

Just had beers with my wife and a complete stranger. She was nice, but I was not in an n overly talkative mood.

Just asked her about herself regularly, and happily listened to her talk about herself.

Turns out she's quite interesting. We both agreed we'd like to meet her for beers again.

But. Where you from? How'd you end up living here? Family nearby? Miss them? See them often? Your dad does WHAT for a living? We had a similar pet, does yours do X? Think you'll stay here, or considering another area to live? So you're not getting on well with your sister? I can understand that, what else have you tried?

Etc etc etc. All about them, but can be genuinely interesting.

What do you think is the purpose of life?

Maybe a 4am first time meet while high.

I like to think it's "how are you doing today" because when someone asks me that it shows they're there for me.

"If you could have one supper power what would it be?"

If I had a supper power, it'd be the ability to conjure the most delicious and satisfying meals instantly.
- That is like the superman version of the supper powers, not fair. To balance it your kryptonite will now be gravy
I'd want the supper power of having the dishes cleaned after the meal. That would be amazing.
My supper power would be time travel. Whenever the food needs to be done, it will be done. Time can stretch or shrink to accommodate this.