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Yuritopiaposadism [none/use name] @hexbear.net

1y ago

My pp is plastic.

https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/19/health/microplastics-human-penises-study-scli-intl-scn-wellness/index.html

43 comments

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP LOOKING FOR PLASTIC IN MY GENITALS
- well because a functioning dick and balls are kinda important to the continued existence of our species and they're just hanging out
  should probably check in the ovaries too but those are a bit harder to check up on
I'm sitting here trying to figure out how to make a joke about a dude having a chance with lesbians by comparing a plastic filled dick with a dildo but no matter how I approach it it just ends up way more offensive than it is funny for like at least three different reasons

So instead I just bring you the remains of this aborted joke and say "imagine if I were funny"
- Wow, what if that
  
  I only speak for the silent masses
  Utterly unfunny and proud
Damn, it's hella sick that ancient tree and dinosaur goo turned out to be a madness rune hidden underground just waiting for our dumb asses. Real rad that humanity as a species just speedran our way to Moderan in just a couple hundred years.
- what kind of lazy sci fi writing is this where the dominant species increased like 10 tech levels in a century by using some sticky undergroud goop, and they used it both as a combustible fuel, as a solvent, as biochemistry feedstock and to create polymers?
  and pretty much all their vehicles are fueled by different versions of this goo? and all of their doodads and doohickeys are made from it? this one underground goo? sure, why not make it a drug that lets you see the future too.
  and the economies of entire neo-feudal states are based entirely on sitting on top of this goo? come on.
  and the goo is so cursed that it causes Gaia's Vengence on the whole planet? storms and droughts and corruption of the flesh? is this science fantasy now?
  i expected better from the writers honestly.
  
  at Drakes Well, the seal was broken
I can do nothing to resolve this problem and I can do nothing with this information so I am just going to continue on as if I had not read this
- Pretty sure the biggest source of micro plastics is tire rubber, ie it must have been affecting humans for the better part of a century now but no-one can point to any actual effects from it. People haven’t stopped having erections. Obviously it’s not good on a social level but I don’t think it’s anything to especially worry about individually. The media is always happy to scare the shit out of people.
we told you to put the oil back in the earth and now, now look! the oil is in your dick! i told you this wpuld happen
Welp. I have no choice but to get rid of it then
- I've been wondering if the stuff will go in the plastics or the residual waste bin ever since they found microplastics in balls.
And will probably stop working soon!
The samples were taken from study participants who had been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction (ED) and were in the hospital to undergo surgery for penile implants to treat the condition at the University of Miami between August and September 2023.
The samples were then analyzed using chemical imaging, which revealed that four of the five men had microplastics in their penile tissue.
Yeah well I’ve got MACROPLASTICS in my penis
How long before they just cut out the middle-men and 3D print you an attachable penis at puberty?
Appstore for penises. Calling it now.
- Uh, you can’t feel sensation through plastic. It’ll never take off.
  
  Just connect it to the prostate and take it off for going to the bathroom
- No that's not a good idea
- If you stop paying your dick app subscription you won't be able to get hard anymore
even free range cum isnt safe anymore 😔
Soon there will be no difference between an actual penis and a strap on
I just can't stop winning
Published by “Jack Guy” lmao awesome
they're big particles to me, damnit
1: sample size of 5 lol
2: how are the samples taken
- 1: A small sample size is perfectly fine for the claims their making, which is just that they've detected micro plastics for the first time.
  2: It says it in the linked study
  Tissue samples were extracted from six individuals who underwent surgery for a multi-component inflatable penile prosthesis (IPP). Samples were obtained from the corpora using Adson forceps before corporotomy dilation and device implantation and placed into cleaned glassware. A control sample was collected and stored in a McKesson specimen plastic container.
declared the most urgent human crisis in 3... 2... 1...
- They've already found microplastics in the balls
- Get your hands off my junk!
I don't like this new Barbie movie.
Its joever
Just up early with all my friends looking at dick pics on hexbear dot net
CyberDong
We are on the way to perfection: The Ken Crotch

43 comments