If I wanted to, hypothetically, guarentee that I shit my pants 2 to 6 hours from now, how should I do it?

We found the villain to the no-poop-for-three-days story

Stuff marshmallows up your butt. The glycerine in them will make you evacuate your bowels within 10 minutes as they dissolve.

I can't stop laughing from thinking about someone stuffing marshmallows up their ass.
- <insert mark as NSFW train copypasta>
- You've tried it too? I got to 31, then farted..
  
  My girlfriend wasn't impressed.
I kinda want to try this to see if it's true but also ewww
Is this speaking from experience?
nobody:
klysma kinkers: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
This, plus your username backwards, makes me think this is the voice of experience.
A banana or 3 is more ergonomic and has the same effect.
this is true. don't ask how I know

Eat a bag of sugar-free gummy bears or a half gallon of sugar-free ice cream. Another option as one other comment mentioned are those unregulated asian slimming teas that have questionable ingredients. The safest and most practical solution is a laxative used for colonoscopy prep.

Sugar free gummy bears will make you shit your pants in 2 hours. And in 3 hours. And in 4 hours. Etc.

RemindMe! 6 hours “reply to this thread”

You asked for a reminder to: reply to this thread
- Thanks. Try mineral oil.
I hope that stupid bot doesn’t exist here

There's this stuff they give you before a colonoscopy. I don't know what it's called but it will get the job done

Movieprep or kleenprep. I've had both and one definitely worked for me and the other only kicked in the morning off my endoscopy.
- There's these which are prescription only, but you can also down a bottle of magnesium citrate as an OTC alternative.

Sprite and magnesium citrate. A dose takes about 30 minutes to work, so if you dilute it in a 20 ounce bottle it should hit at about the 2 hour mark depending on how your body reacts.

This is the stuff to use, but I don't think diluting will work like this. I recommend taking it, with a bit of sprite 30 minutes before showtime.

Stay hydrated!
I lost 7.5 lbs in one night due to that stuff. I went to the doctor because I kept having diarrhea. Turns out I was so constipated the only thing that could make its way out was liquid. I drank a bottle of that stuff and 45 minutes later...well...you know that one scene from Dumb and Dumber? Yeah, that was me for like an hour and half straight.
Hopefully the shortage isn't still going on. There was a huge shortage a couple years ago and I couldn't get it anywhere. Had to resort to an enema to prep for my surgery.
- My local Walmart has it for $1.47 in grape, cherry, and lemon. Looks like Walgreens has it too!

Milk of magnesia. You can get it at basically any drug store and it will make you fucking BLAST.

Ok so i think it is cool everybody answers the question...

But why PenisWenisGenius? Why do you need this information?

Just asking for a friend 😇
- Which friend and why do they need it
Based on the answer you got we need to consider that everyone answering has become complicit in, if not crimes, at the very least japery.

Hairbo sugar free gummy bears

They said 2-6 hrs. Not 2-6 min
- Just wait 2 hours before eating.

Salt water flush. You will shit continuously for two hours as your body tries to rid you of a dangerous amount of salt.

Just take laxatives 30 minutes prior to needing to shit your pants?

Not sure if they're still available, but gummy bears made with Lycasin guarantee explosive results.

Just relax homie, you got this. 💩

You should ask Ted Nugent, he is an expert

I'm very glad that him being a pants shitting draft dodger, and later bragging about how great of a special forces guy he would have been is general knowledge.
- Heh, a worldwide known fact. I am Dutch but when I read 'shit + pants' the answer always be that crusty pants mf.

Cleansing tea from the local Asian Mart.

Buckle up brother. Hope you don’t got plans later today.

Mainline dysentery infected blood

Is there a taco bell near you?

he said 2 hrs not 2 minutes

Lookup "colon cleansing".

are you trying to get someone to break off with you?

Improperly cooked eggs or chicken can help

Depends on where you live, that could literally kill you. Salmonella are no joke.
- 100% Salmonella ain't no joke!
  
  Very potentially deadly! I've had it once, got lucky and only went half crazy and bleeding a bit from the inside and out...

Who are you try to make shit themself while in / over international waters?

This is easy. Google “miralax colonoscopy prep solution”

Enjoy!

Prunes or, more hardcore, sorbitol candy.

Magnesium citrate. Take it a few minutes before you actually need to.

Eat a large bucket of KFC and try your hardest? I love chicken rolled in bread -> deepfried as much as the next sane earthican, but man does my digestive system hate it with a furious burning passie.

Sandwich bag full of shit placed in your shorts 2-6 hours from now. Then sit down firmly.

Or talk to the homeless guy in Walmart. He seems to have this one down pat.

Eat a big bowl of oatmeal now, then have a coffee 2 minutes before showtime.

I initially misread the question as, if I was to shit my pants in 2 to 6 hours, how/where should I do it. Optimally, for maximum impact, probably on TV at a major event.