and you will be happy

"You're not being sacked, no, we are releasing you into a world of opportunity!" Yes, a friend of mine actually heard that one a while ago when he was 'let go'. 🤨

Thats the equivlent of saying. "You dont half to worry anymore" And getting let out to pasture. Thats shitty as all get out tho
Jesus Christ. Layoffs suck, but can they at least try to be normal human beings about it, and not some kind of incarnation of the LinkedIn feed?
Seriously. I can handle a lot of awful, but that shit makes my blood boil.

Got the boot from a company.

Here's the BS I had to deal with: -I was dealing with health issues when I was working. -My former coworker actively tried to make my condition worse. -I reported them for this to management & HR -Got fired, as they had friends in HR. -They filled out the unemployment paperwork wrong 4 times. -The unemployment case was so messed up, the local government got involved.

The positives. -Company deamed at fault and heavily scolded by the government. -I got paid more on unemployment than when working. -I make ~25% more at my new job.

That was ~2 years ago.

-I got paid more on unemployment than when working.
How did that one happen? That's the unbelievable part to me - unemployment is basically capped to a percentage (usually 50%) of what you were making when working and vacation pay and partial pay (paychecks from part time work) etc any other non-gift pay also deduct or delay from how much you end up getting paid, at least where I live.
- Unemployment counts the last 5 quarters. If you get fired before a quarter ends it doesn't count it as a full quarter.
  I left a different job making a lot more because of my health. I knew the manager at this new job and he saw I wanted a position that I was already in. Less hours, about the same pay.
  When I was unemployed it counted the vacation I was reimbursed upon my leave from the previous company and the massive amount of overtime I was making from the previous job. If they would have fired me 4 days later, I would have been in the new quarter and gotten a lot less.
- It happens - especially when company gets in trouble.
Not saying this is not possible, but your story does seem a bit simple.
- Unlikely but bound to happen eventually? Sure
- Feel free to ask away.

As someone who was recently laid off, I can identify. I didn’t see it immediately, but was able to travel to Arizona to catch some spring training baseball with my son and brother. That was all I needed to bounce back. On Monday I start a new job at a healthier company making 25% more money.

- I’m sure you’re being obtuse but just to clarify they are two distinct humans and we are not from Alabama.

I'm about to end employee 8675309's whole career*.

If it’s Amazon that’s laying you off, they’ll just shut down your email, Slack, and intranet access before you can start work in the morning, and let you figure the rest out yourself.

Lmao
The standard procedure is to close access during the meeting but that's new level of efficiency
That's pretty standard in tech. Most companies have this automated from either the layoffs convo or the email being sent.
Back in 2012 I was laid off in a very short meeting with my boss and HR. This was at 10am when everyone was in meetings, so I left a quiet office and entered the stairwell to leave. My badge got me on, but I was unable to leave. I spent 20 mins awkwardly waiting for someone to either pass by or notice so that I could be escorted out of the building.
I'm at Amazon now, and some of the stories of people losing access are horrible. Some layoffs coincided with RTO, with some people moving across the country (NYC to Seattle) only to be told once their life was packed up and being shipped away that, actually, there wouldn't be a job to move to. There were also stories of IT failures for people, and people basically breaking down in tears at losing their job, when it was only email downtime.
Haha for real? Efficient!

We would like to shift our structure to a more flexible model of management to accommodate for unforeseen market fluctuations.

So I am fired?

As I said we want to reschedule you indefinitely as our potential support asset. This pool is very prestigious and privileged position to be in.

So will I get paid?

As much as we would like to, truly, It is legally impossible for us to provide you with any funds outside of a legally binding contract which needs to be terminated in order to shift to a better state of financial buoyancy.

Corporations: never use 5 words when you can use 20. Obfuscation is the key.

My boss and HR lady were very solemn when I was laid off from my last job RIGHT BEFORE COVID started. I was BEAMING. HR lady said I was the most unconventional layoff she’s ever done. I thanked her and shook her hand. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time.

I'm confused. Were you happy because the job sucked or because you were laid off before Covid?
- My job was totally fine, byt my partner had been laid off right before me. I was happy to be able to spend a bunch of time with them—I didn’t even know about COVID yet. Then a couple months later, everything shut down. I didn’t work for years. It was incredible.

HR personnel are such creeps. It really does attract a certain type.

Going to HR to get fired, yet another meeting that could've been an email.

I don't... need to see that again. It doesn't matter how good you were. When restructuring happens you lose regardless.

If there was one life experience I wish I can give to people, it's that experience of being fired because of restructuring.
Imagine doing your job well. Imagine even loving your work and your coworkers. Then suddenly, a behind-the-scenes convo led to your department being dissolved and you're out of a job. You didn't do anything wrong. You were just in it's way.
Welcome to life.
- The only responsible thing for the working class to do is to form and maintain stronger unions and unite with all workers.
  I'd prefer teaching this kind of thing.
- We made some bad bets and we're confident in our decision to let you go.
- I was a casualty of this mid-career. Made redundant in the middle of the covid pandemic. I managed to scrape things together and called a few contacts who helped me out and put in a good word for me. Helped me secure employment. I'm in a better environment now than I was back then. But it was a terrifying experience being made redundant at a snap of a finger.
  Why would you wish this one anyone?
- I work at a big company. We have tons and tons of problems to go solve that are getting little attention in addition to having a lot of redundant and/or "what would you say you do here" type positions. Most of this happens by accident, but it's nearly impossible to unwind and redeploy those teams. My guess is that the big reasons why is because of leadership not wanting to look bad - a mix of "why did you staff this to begin with?" and "why did you let this go on for so long?" When these groups are eventually found during a reorg they tend to be let go vs redeployed, which makes it even harder for the remaining groups to do anything. The cycle is truly silly.

I work in HR and can tell you this is true

People Team. It's called People Team now.

Ours is "People Experience" now
Bahaha you're only people? I am an authentic Talent, managed by our beloved Talent Managers. Yeah there won't be any raise or bonus this year, the shareholders got all the benefits, but I'm a Talent. Wow this feels great.
Department of Human Capital
- "People, selling people, to people"

I'm going through it right now. Got a good review, but was demoted, but they didn't expect me to actually stay, so they are forcing me to quit

How recent was this? Did they change your hours or your duties significantly or show favoritism in how they treated another employee in your pre-existing role?
People who actually do quit in that situation may have a claim for constructive dismissal.
Forget about the third-party assessment, how do you think you were doing?
That sucks.
All I can say is polish up the ol' resume and start searching while you have the security of a (shitty)job
- Yep. I got a few weeks of severance

Go on, fire me, it won‘t unjizz the bathroom stalls.

Do what you must, I have already won.

Is this an actress, or am I missing a reference?

I think it's also in reference to people getting fired over zoom. Also, it could be referencing how gen z will record their firings now and post them to tiktok to shame the company, LOL. I love gen z!
It looks like Anne Hathaway, who is a pretty well known actress. I think they just used her for the meme because of her smile.
- I'd let her fire me all she wants
Yes, pretty sure on both accounts.
Kinda looks like a weird Anne Hathaway

Resource. It's in the name. Dehumanization.

You'd be shocked the depravity people will sink to once others are no longer human in their eyes.

Empathy is not weakness, do not let our current economic system fool you. Nothing lasts forever.

That's why they have been rebranded as "people team". Soon they will be rebranded "family council" because people is too steryl, and we're all a family after all.
- Steryl Meep?

How are youuuu?

I threw up in the company fridge...

Oh sure, but if you look a little beyond the surface you'd see people who also just want to keep their jobs, just like you.

It's easy to vilify those you don't like, it's hard to really look at them and see that they aren't that different from us

Okay but wanting to keep your job as a nurse at a charity clinic and wanting to keep your job as an IDF colonel are not the same.
- You're comparing an HR employee to a military officer? That's apples and oranges right there.
  But I'll bite. Most military officers and enlisted are people too, you know. They got kids, they love and hate people too. Hell, even terrorists. Ones terrorist is another person's liberation hero. I'm sure most IDF officers too mat have misgivings about the war they fight but when you're in a military you don't get to complain, especially during a war.
  It's easy to vilify people, it's hard to see that each and everyone of us is a human being with hopes and fears.
Yeah, but I’m good at my job and they aren’t.
- They’re so damn incompetent at most of the places I’ve worked. It’s astonishing
- Yeah that's funny. Most people think they're good at their job while in my experience,.moet are mediocre at best.
  Not saying you're mediocre, but let's just say that I imagine me being less good at my job than I think, even with the raving reviews I got.
Except they have access to everyone's salaries so they have greater bargaining power than we do. Not exactly the same as the average employee at a company.
- May be so, but they're still human, love their kids, have problems just like you and me, and most importantly, they too can lose their job. I can just as well say that since I oversee all tech in the company that I work for thst, technically, if I wanted, I could see everyone's salary too. Doesn't make me better or worse or different than you.
Shit take. People that take HR jobs are that different than us. It's like cops, the job only attracts the exact type of person that shouldn't be doing that job.
- Some time ago, I met an HR person at my job. She wasn't actually part of the workplace HR team, rather, she was more like a classmate of mine, but she had worked as HR in the past and wanted to continue to do so in the future. She was kind and polite, so I never had any beef with her, but she consistently had the shittiest, most inhumane takes on how to manage and interact with people I had seen in a while lol.
  Meeting her made me arrive at the conclusion that you just said. Empathetic people that get into HR with the idea of helping make the world a better place would eventually resign or, at least, be very ineffective as HR. The only people capable of staying in HR for a long time are sociopaths who don't mind lying and being obtuse in job offers, and ruining someone's life so their boss can squeeze a couple of extra cents. The profession itself only serves to make companies more ruthless and adds nothing of value to the world.
- I've never met a HR person I liked. The best I could feel twords then was quiet toleration... Now Ops folks, those people busy their asses to keep the ship from sinking.
- Police officers actually don't just attract bad people, they are specifically selected for it (in the US anyways, in other countries governments may actually care about that sort of thing though YMMV.
  Same for human resources. I've known quite a few people working for HR and most are just people, lie you and me, doing a job they mostly like, but yeah, sometimes requires them to be in shitty situations that they didn't envision before.
Their job is to enforce the whims of the ownership class under threat of violence. They protect the company at all costs in exchange for power over other working class people and a bigger paycheck. Fuck them, if they really are decent people then they should quit and get a job that actually benefits society.
My HR team has been doing layoffs inside their own department. It's kind of interesting to watch.
Based

Felt good the day I told HR they didnt need to invest any more resources to "help" me. I was done and the boss clearly didnt care about having me around so I told them to fire me.

Human capital management is pleased to announce there was an error on your hiring contract so you will be getting a 3% paycut

Up in the air was ahead of its time

If past.lives are real then every hr employee across the globe had a past life as some middle manag3mentnpaper.pusher making the Holocaust possible.

If you work in hr there's about a 99℅ you are irredeemably evil.

Actually...
Most people doing their job quite literally are just doing their job, trying to make it to the end of the day. Believe me, even people in hr love their children, worry about the future, worry about their job, have hopes, fears and dreams and have to contend with shitty bosses.
Can you imagine one day the CEO coming in with a list of people that YOU have to fire, that YOU have to face, that will cry and yell in front of you as if you're the one who did this to them?
Most people are pretty okay, actually, and not remotely evil. They might do bad things because they're pressured or feel pressured, most people don't enjoy firing others.
- Just following orders.
- The HR person who works with my team actually said "I actually really like firing people. Well, that didn't sound right... but I do like making these changes."
  ha ha ha... ok. Cool.
- I can totally get some in the position don't like what they do.
If you work in hr there's about a 99℅ you are irredeemably evil.
That's a funny way to spell "If you are a billionaire".

Would you prefer them be weeping? No really I wonder which people like getting bad news from more, happy or sad people.

I prefer them to not be enjoying it, nor taking it lightly that I’m losing my income and I’ll be struggling over the next series of months to make ends meet.
I mean, I’d like them to act like they feel bad. I think that’s what most people are after. Some semblance of “this is wrong and I’m sorry”
I would rather they self-flagellate throughout the entire process.
- Better than self flatulating
I'd rather they rip the bandaid off and not pretend they are my friend. You are firing me. You are removing me from my source of income. Stop trying to be "pleasant" because it just looks like you are enjoying it.
No smiles, no affected happiness, no weasel words about being "let go". Just say "yeah, sorry, you're fired". The more emotionless you can make it on your end, the better.
Heck don't even fire me in person. Send me an e-mail. It's a lot more... Humane. Less cruel.