[ButAJape] Conspiracies

I knew OJ was behind it all.

at least art bell never took himself seriously

Issue is, that the "trees are fake" people want to cut all trees.

Can you blame them? You are honest to god worker at one-person company hired by coroporation to cut down trees en masse and then you cut one of them and it goest bzzt and suddenly someone is speaking of illegal tree cutting and damaging state infrastructure...bollocks, I tell ya, trees are meant to be cut, if they didn't want their fancy-schmancy antennas cut they should't look like them trees!

Not directly relevant, but: I think M. Night Shyamalan's movie Signs would have been better if it had turned out that wearing aluminum foil caps really did hide your thoughts from those aliens. I mean, it wouldn't have been any stupider than aliens invading a planet full of a substance that killed them (water) and not being able to figure out how doorknobs work.

Invading a place that wants to kill you is not that unheard of. Some of us explore flanks of erupting volcanoes, abysses, or want to go to space/the Moon/Mars.
Going there naked, and with absolutely no idea what you're exposing yourself to, is bonkers though.
My favourite foil cap trope reference is Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn series. It has several characters with supernatural abilities that can affect other people's emotions, and aluminum happens to block all kinds of magic powers in Sanderson's larger book universe. So a lot of rich and important people wear hats that are lined with aluminum foil on the inside to protect them from emotional influence.
We all got our limitations, man.

...fuck.
Yes, we do have a bit of a situation.
Tak does not require we think of him, only that we think
-Thud, Terry Pratchett
Gedichte
nur für mich
und für dich
stehn alleine auch für sich.
What this means is that just like the mountains don't depend on the humans to see and interpret them, poems (who are written only for myself, and coincidentally also for any reader who may stumble upon them) are meaningful in themselves, and don't need to concern themselves with what humans think of them.
it's kinda like software code, which has a meaning in itself, but is ideally also a beautiful art of self-expression for any programmer who happens to read it.
That doesn't mean we can't still admire and talk about them.

The scaleies are out there

I recall an episode of Behind the Bastards where they explained how the "flat Earth" conspiracy theory was literally the core of a Nazi splinter group that was never stamped out

It's amazing how many conspiracies are just white supremacy with a different hat.
...flat earth nazis... they invented practical ballistic rocketry for fucks.. I just... like... goddamn....

Trees are fake. They're actually solar panels planted by the Chinese.

This feels like how it was reading Harry Potter as a kid vs as an adult.

-Which platform?
-9 and 3/4 platform.
-9 and 3 what?
-9 and 3/4 pla...
-Alright, I'm going watch something else.
- Is there some hidden meaning in missing here?

Rain was invented by umbrella companies to sell more umbrellas.

Then there's David Ike who while crazy legit thinks there are like lizard people, there is no deeper meaning where it breaks down to "It's da Jews". He is crazy but has standards.

Guess he thinks V was a documentary.
For the longest time I thought lizard people meant lizard people. Not an allegory or something.
It still kinda makes sense to me. We're aware that the planet is getting uninhabitable for humans, and we know what's causing it. The people on charge go "actually no We're gonna go even harder. Nobodies even getting a day off you fucks."
- Oh yeah the whole lizard people thing has like three layers, Neo-Nazi dog whistle, David Ike style I think there are legit lizard people, politicians are lizard people social commentary, and Mark Zuckerberg is a lizard person because he is a weird looking motherfucker.
Pretty sure he does mean the Jews though. A race of shapeshifters controlling the world? Likes to big up The Protocols of the Elders of Zion.
Although I did like the bit where he claimed to be the son of God, which lead to a gang of 100 youths outside his house shouting "We want the Messiah!"
- He has gotten pissed at anti-semites who try to JQ him. While the conspiracy definitely is a dog whistle with Ike it is just that he is crazy.
The scaleies are out there
- Yes I am aware of scalies, I am in several fandom that overlap with them and the furries.

No no he's onto something, jewelers invented trees to sell more tree-themed jewelry

Trees are obviously made up by Canadians to disguise where maple syrup Really comes from.

It is secreted by the maple glands of the Canadians themselves
- Via an extremely slow lactation process
Soylent Syrup!
- It’s made of… moose!
  Canadians have real food standards.

Why does he do that?
- It's when he remembers that Jews exist.

My experience with those struggling with their grasp on reality has been, more often than not, that they blame various three letter agencies of the US government, not "the Jews".

Of course, conspiracy theorist aren't usually struggling with mental illness, but rather an overblown sense of self-worth and the inevitable result of the Dunning-Kruger effect.

Insert a George Carlin quote about how stupid the average person is

A lot of things that were laughed at as being "conspiracy theories" surrounding three letter agencies later turned out to be true.
- True.
  What I was thinking of was more along the lines of "There's a midget working for the FBI hiding in my attic and stealing my clothes while I sleep" - an actual statement from a woman who was hypoxic (and didn't have an attic)
- Not sure about a lot. Like a handful of the tamest ones.
Conspiracists have been stranded to figure out their own chosen "other" to fear and hate since Israel stepped into the scene and the Republicans (and most dems) made any criticism of their genocide "anti semitism" in a playbook move straight out of internet trolling tactics.
So you can turn your back on "God's blessed war against the Muslim beasts" OR you can suddenly start softening towards the idea that Jewish Cabals are running our whole country.
It's been kind of spectacular to see the right splinter around the edges over this even before the Epstein stuff.
Too bad none of it will actually make a real dent in a political ideology that is already built on cognitive dissonance.

What gets me is the guy. I grew up where you only saw this stupid crap coming out of the mouths of a guy like this walking around the seven eleven or the weekly world news and no ordinary person paid them no mind.

That's why all the Great Replacement nutters should get special treatment.

A Jewish plot to replace all white people, who have armed their genocidal ethnostate without question for the last 70 years, with that famous ally of the Jews who they get on so well with: Muslims.

What if he said the Freemasons?

The build-a-bear group, or something...

Most conspiracy theories get very close to the truth before the take a turn straight into schizophrenia village.

where is this village located, it sounds like it would have the best software developers

The Hierarchy Enslaving You

With how the western world/media is treating gaza, it doesn't seem that far off that zionists have some aspect influence

Jews are not same as Zionists tbf.
- Zionist is used as a term to make antisemitism more palatable, than saying Jew. ZOG Zionist Occupied Government is a pure antisemitic term for example.

Then the guy gets a Federal cabinet post.

🌎🧑‍🚀🔫👩‍🚀

But the moon is made of cheese.

She meant Jewish.

But birds are definitely fake.

Fuck you too pal
- Let's fuck each other.
But birds are definitely fake.
they're not fake, they're real spy drones!

Minecraft Steve teal shirt

See that's why I specify "the government" or "the big corporations." Also they're not conspiracy theories. As in "the pharma companies could sell you a cure for a million bucks, or a lifetime of treatments for a thousand a month, so they'll do both depending on your income bracket, and they will keep updating the formula to endlessly delay the sale of a cheaper generic that your insurance will actually cover." Because they actually do shit like that.

yeah, pretty much. if the conspiracies are grounded in reality, the ones to blame are usually the oligarchs.

This is a bad post to make when Israel is currently committing a genocide and powerful people are clearly trying to distort the truth about it.

Of course "the Jews" aren't behind the trees being fake or whatever, and antisemitism is bad... but this reeks of zionist pro-Israel strawman shit.

Israel != “The Jews”
Israel is a country. Jewish is a Religion.
- I know. I never said they were the same. I'm trying to say that this comes across like a zionist strawman.
  Complaining about antisemitism right now is just cringe.
  Jews have a right to exist. Israel doesn't.
  There are genuine concerns about people promoting "Israel" to benefit from the extermination of the Palestinian people, and that's what this looks like a strawman of, to me.
  And to be clear, I don't think "the Jews" are behind this. It's largely rich and powerful people from the US (and UK and other countries), who often consider themselves to be Christian.
  I'm not trying to defend the crazy guy in the comic. I'm trying to say that we shouldn't be pretending this guy is representative of anyone who matters.
Israel is commiting a genocide. Free Palestine.
Now fuck off and lemme just post funny thing without making an insane leap about my own personal beliefs.
- Well sure... but this is a political comic that's basically saying "these crazy people hate the Jews and blame them for everything".
  Obviously you can post whatever you want and there surely are crazy people like this, but to me this comes across as though it could be trying to discredit certain criticisms and seems in bad taste right now. It doesn't really matter what you say you personally believe.
  But if you find this funny then sure. I'm not trying to have your post removed or anything.
Conflating racism and legitimate complaints about Israel’s behaviour is a common complaint made about some of Israel’s defenders. Seems to me you’ve just done exactly the same thing from the other direction.

Insert "Russians" instead of "Jews", and suddenly that's a mainstream position, not conspiracy theory.

There is actual proof of Russian information warfare and aggressive intelligence operations.
- True, but only of certain instances, and from what I've seen lately 99% are pure speculation written in such a definitive tone as if it was proven beyond reasonable doubt.
  This casts a shadow on actual journalism, and erodes trust in many sources - sources that have real things to highlight and maintain a well-argumented opposition to Russian madness.
Depends on the theory.
- There's a constant barrage of media pieces stating Russia covertly did X or Y, but for most of them the source is just gut feeling or some weirdo in a Telegram channel claiming random things on Russia.
  And suddenly Russia is a scapegoat for anything bad that happens in Europe or the US. And Russians themselves are often held responsible for it (but then Jews don't answer for the acts of Israel?)
  Don't get me wrong, Russia is an aggressor in a brutal war, one where my actual relatives are under fire, and it deserves scrutiny for what it does in Ukraine, and also for the confirmed cases of political assassinations and espionage. This shit must be stopped.
  But claiming everything on Russia without any investigation just waters down an actual journalism highlighting the real atrocities committed by Russian army and ruling elite. We need truthful stories, not propaganda, unless we want to be the same.
  Besides, holding Russians accountable for what their extremely undemocratic elite is doing is playing into Putin's deck, as claims are made in Russian propaganda that Russians are targeted just based on ethnicity - and this becomes increasingly true as they get denied entry or asylum, and as sanctions pressure everyday people over things they barely control.

Israel is commiting a genocide. Free Palestine.