"Go kill that Joan Wick."

Say what you will about Hitler, he did kill Hitler.

But on the other hand, he also killed the guy who killed Hitler.

Hell, I'd watch it.

Of course!

It all makes sense now!

With as many problems as the Hobbit movie trilogy had, I can say one thing for sure: Martin Freeman was a perfect Bilbo. Him being constantly irritated that he wasn't able to sit comfortably and have a meal, all the way from the Shire to the Battle of Five Armies, was flawless. Freeman was a very good John Watson in the BBC Sherlock, but if The Hobbit movies had been better then his Bilbo would have been up there with RDJ as Tony Stark and Patrick Stewart as Professor X as greatest casting decisions of all time.

There's also a theory that the 5th circuit exists to make terrible rulings so that the Supreme Court can overturn it but do it in such a way that it still advances some horrible agenda.

Something along the lines of:

5th Circuit: You can totally post the ten commandments in schools, because hoorah Jesus!

Supreme Court: You can't actually post the the ten commandments in all schools, just the private ones, oh and by the way it's totally cool and legal to drain all the funding out of public schools and give it to private schools.

Ru! Fi! Oooooooooooooohhhh!

Plant a seed of Swiftthistle, trigger it, grab the food and get far enough away before the effect wears off.

Laser thermometer. It makes cooking things at really specific temperatures a lot easier.

Some long-handle sundae spoons. They're incredibly useful for getting to the bottom of a deep jar or yogurt tub.

Collapsible screw-together travel chopsticks. They take up virtually no space, come with their own holder so they stay clean, and you've always got some nice chopsticks to eat with.

Blue painter's tape. You can label anything (especially stuff that's going into the freezer), and it'll peel off again without leaving any residue.

Beaded reusable cable ties. It's always nice to be able to tie up a power cord.

A nice headlamp. It's really nice to be able to put on a headlamp and have your hands free when you're doing stuff outside at night. Fair warning: you may fall down a nice flashlight rabbit hole.

We got the under cabinet Un-skru kind, and it works like a dream.

I got a Zojirushi at the thrift store and I love it, but then I realized that the pot has a nonstick coating inside, and there doesn't seem to be a replacement that doesn't have nonstick. No more rice cooker for me. :(

Man: Genie, I wish for you to fuck me half to death!

Slightly less than one boob and one testicle. Just like the average person has slightly less than two legs.

At this point, when any proposal is put forth, you have to ask yourself if it's worse than what we currently have?

Proposal: Congressmen can challenge each other to fist fights. Senators can do the same, but have the option to use a knife.

Sure, it sounds insane, but is it worse?

Early versions of magic carpets kept arriving with charred piles of ash instead of passengers until they figured that one out.

Quark: I think I figured out why Humans don't like Ferengi.

Sisko: Not now, Quark.

Quark: The way I see it, Humans used to be a lot like Ferengi: greedy, acquisitive, interested only in profit. We're a constant reminder of a part of your past you'd like to forget.

Sisko: Quark, we don't have time for this.

Quark: You're overlooking something. Humans used to be a lot worse than the Ferengi: slavery, concentration camps, interstellar wars. We have nothing in our past that approaches that kind of barbarism. You see? We're nothing like you... we're better.

DS9, The Jem'Hadar (1994)

Millipede using its hundreds of legs to rapidly type code into a stone keyboard: Ehh! It's a living!

If my understanding of brightly-colored bugs is correct, then that mouth is ultra fucking poisonous to eat.

Of course politics will always disappoint you. Politics is the means by which large groups of people aggregate their desires sufficiently to achieve collective goals. It's a massive process of millions of compromises. The goal is explicitly not to make everyone happy. The goal is to have enough people of good will and with enough information avaliable involved that the series of compromises move enough of us in the right direction.

Article 1. [All persons born free; their natural rights; slavery and indentured servitude prohibited]

That all persons are born equally free and independent, and have certain natural, inherent, and unalienable rights, amongst which are the enjoying and defending life and liberty, acquiring, possessing and protecting property, and pursuing and obtaining happiness and safety; therefore slavery and indentured servitude in any form are prohibited.

Article 1 of the Vermont Constitution of 1777. Vermont is awesome.

Also, article 3 specifically establishes freedom from religion:

Article 3. [Freedom in religion; right and duty of religious worship]

That all persons have a natural and unalienable right, to worship Almighty God, according to the dictates of their own consciences and understandings, as in their opinion shall be regulated by the word of God; and that no person ought to, or of right can be compelled to attend any religious worship, or erect or support any place of worship, or maintain any minister, contrary to the dictates of conscience, nor can any person be justly deprived or abridged of any civil right as a citizen, on account of religious sentiments, or peculia[r] mode of religious worship; and that no authority can, or ought to be vested in, or assumed by, any power whatever, that shall in any case interfere with, or in any manner control the rights of conscience, in the free exercise of religious worship. Nevertheless, every sect or denomination of christians ought to observe the sabbath or Lord’s day, and keep up some sort of religious worship, which to them shall seem most agreeable to the revealed will of God.