If you could explain to your 19 year old self what you are doing with your life today, what would they say?
If you're not middle aged, pick a younger age, IDK
Your dog is awesome.
Your job is pretty cool. I don't think I'm ready for that yet, but I'll keep that on my radar.
Your beard and moustache are epic. Shame about the hair, but I knew that was coming.
Congrats on getting married, can't wait to meet her.
Donald Trump? Twice? Really? And they do what? Fuck, man...fuck.
"They use computers to do what??? Shit, guess I’ll become a woodworker then."
Haha, I bought a lot of second-hand wood working tools last week. Looking forward to getting into it again. It's certainly a grounding practice in a world gone mad.
He'd be disappointed that he doesn't end up doing anything epic and world-changing, but then he'd immediately be relieved that he's mostly got shit figured out. Wife, home, job, driving, cooking, all the basic stuff.
Then he'd realize he only thought he needed to do something epic because he couldn't picture himself having those basic things figured out. This would take him a few minutes to process, so he wouldn't say anything.
"Fuckyeah!"
Then I'd elaborate on what it took to get here.
"Shit...."
But at least Mia hasn't been part of the equation for decades.
"Phew"
"Whoa. You actually talk to and get along with Dad? I can't stand him. He's such a huge dick."
Yeah. Your going to call him that to his face at some point in a few years. It goes over better than you'd expect.
That sounds like an interesting story! Up for hearing it if you wanna share. Either way, glad it worked out ok :)
The short version is that my father was both a victim and perpetrator of the cycle of abuse. When I was a kid, he was an angry man who would often explode in a violent rage. I ran away from home when I graduated from high school because I hated him and didn't want to be around him anymore.
Eventually I learned that he wasn't a bad person at his core. He genuinely wanted to do the right thing. He never had much of a chance. His own father destroyed him. Some of the stories he told me about his dad, when I was a kid, are horrible and sad. I think realizing that he was just a very broken man made it easier to forgive him.
We've talked about it a lot over the years. He is genuinely sorry for the way he treated me and my siblings and has lots of regrets. He's not perfect but he is a good "Papa" to my kids and we get along pretty well nowadays.
I am more like my dad than my 19 year old self probably thought I would ever be. But I managed to mostly hang on to the good parts and get rid of the bad ones. My kids will never learn to fear me the way I feared my dad.
P.S. The time I called him a dick to his face.
I was in my mid 20's. I called him on the phone to confront him about something he had done. All of a sudden, he blurts out, "why don't any of my kids want anything to do with me?" At this point, I was very angry with him and didn't care what his response was. I said, "Dad, we want to have a relationship with you but you make it really hard when you're being a dick all the time."
When I was a kid I would have paid dearly for saying something like that to him. The beating would have been fierce and merciless. When I said that he kind of just stopped and I could tell he was considering what I had said. I don't know why but I think he actually took it to heart.
Career? (Not knowing about AI) Oh wow interesting!
Life? (Not knowing about cost of living) Dude wtf!
19 year old me was dirt poor and thought everything was expensive. Now I spend more on my mortgage than he made in a month. 🥲
My 19 year old self would be sad and hopefully take a different path.
She would be absolutely stunned. Probably wouldn't believe me. At 43 I'm married to the guy I was dating at 19. At 19 I had dropped out of college and thought I wanted to be an artist; at 43 I'm already retired from a successful career in academic research. At 19 I had no thoughts about politics or the world as a whole (9/11 hadn't happened yet); at 43 I'm pretty informed and opinionated. And she'd probably be surprised how much I'm into the outdoors, healthy living, and weightlifting, given that she had negative interest in those things. The rest is pretty consistent - e.g., I've always loved music from the '60s, fun nail polish, scifi, swimming, and handmade art (drawing, beading, etc).
Fuck yeah. Sounds like a great trajectory!
I mean the math checks out, but holy crap, you're 43, but at 19 '9/11 hadn't happened yet....'
I was trying to get into university in America, failed and got into one in Japan two years ago, so probably this:
World's falling apart, huh? Really dodged a bullet there. Also can't wait to be quadlingual.
... oh
Younger me was really depressed, like clinically and so caught up in himself that I think he'd hear me, but not actually listen to what I'd have to say. And I don't totally blame him, he was very confused and hadn't really figured himself out yet.
I think he'd be surprised but also unhappy with the direction of my life... But he'd be unhappy no matter what since he still hadn't figured out how to beat his depression and make his own happiness.
Plus he's not only stubborn but also secretly a bit arrogant and needs to fall on his face a lot to learn lessons. His failures will be his greatest teachers. The fact that he even can fail will be very hard to accept but very needed as well.
So overall, I don't expect his reaction would be great. But I also can't see myself wanting to give him any advice nor do I really care what he would think... Actually I would tell him to lift with his knees and not his back more, properly show him how to do it too.
Ooh yeah.. I as lucky enough to have a parent with back pain, so paid attention early on how to avoid it. Still got a sore back though 🥲
Mine would say: What? You're working with finance people? WTF? Traitor!
But if I explained it a bit more, I reckon they'd be pretty into it, and kind of impressed.
Actual answer: they would probably be surprised by how fat I am. I was underweight at that point in my life and now am over and generally less fit (multiple broken bones and surgery will do that). They would be surprised I had any interest in Japan, let alone have been living there for a decade. They would kinda get it though; 19-year-old me was still on the fence about very rural or very urban life. Turns out middle-aged me would get both in one country. Not really playing any music would surprise then-me as well, though it has been something I've slightly dipped my toe back into, though they'd probably like that I played for thousands a handful of times and have credits on a few albums. That I went into homesteading would also surprise him to some degree, coming out as some combination of my grandfather and, to a lesser extent, my uncle who fucked off.
Former post: To avoid this and probably be generally better, I'd explain the current situation and say to be more active in government and vote more, but I was working at times 2-3 jobs and surviving off of dollar store boxed mashed potatoes at one point and, I forget whether 19 or 20, living out of my car surviving on wonderbread factor outlet leavings and peanut butter in addition to what my restaurant job would give.
Young me: WAIT GAMES ARE 3D?! Holy shit 2025 must be awesome
Not young me: Um.....
"Non-bina-what? Don't know about it. But let's focus on the real information please. We don't play League of Legends anymore? What do we play with our friends then? ... we left our friends because they were idiots? WHAT? HOW?"
Oof. There are some feels there.
My 19yo self would be very excited to see the enby hottie I've become, wholly unsurprised to learn that I'm still with the partners I was at the time, and very worried about what could have happened to destroy my faith in singularitarianism.
I'd have to go back to 10yo me to find an egg. Parents divorced the year before, and I was still devouring the local library for fun because we didn't have internet yet. Little-Me would have incessant questions I wouldn't be able to answer without violating the trans prime directive, but I do deeply wish I could have had just one enby role model back then so I wouldn't have had to spend my first puberty in denial instead of on puberty blockers.
We'd probably not get along very well. 19 y/o me though he saw the world "logically" and that everyone else was wrong. He saw emotions as a weakness, and interpreted the world as black and white. To him everything seemed clear cut and simple, and everyone who didn't agree was an idiot.
Seeing nuance and accepting emotions as a valid argument to anything are not things he'd accept. Accepting that people who think differently are not completely stupid might not go well with him. And, without getting into details, I don't think he'd agree with the current situation. He wouldn't be surprised to see me work as a programmer, but his black and white thinking wouldn't gel very well with the reality that most companies aren't exactly "good" causes.
"Thank you for warning. I'm leaving right now to make sure [name removed] is not able to enlist".
My friend was killed by the United States Army.
fuck yeah! i was worried for us, thanks for making the hard choices and sacrifices.
You're earning how much? (Well, inflation is a bummer)
You're taking dance classes without being forced? WHY?
You have how many cats? Man are they cute!
I don't believe a word about your relationships and sex life. And shame on you, if it would be true!
A lot of time has passed since I was 19 and looking back at that 19-year-old dude, he would have the hardest time understanding how I got to where I am now. If I could, I would try to beat some sense into that guy, which might have made things along the way easier.
"So we're still a fat fucking loser. Great. Nice cat though."
Are you in my house?
💪
I'm just surviving, dawg
I'm about to be 46 and finally starting to figure out this "adulting" thing so things are going okay at the moment. My 19 year old self would probably say something like "wow I can't believe you're (I'm) doing good." As long as I don't mention the last 2 decades of fuck ups I think I'd be impressed with myself.
19 year old me would say "lmfao, how are you still alive?"
So I'm 30. At 19 this time of year I was on the verge of accepting that I'm a trans woman (i thought I was nonbinary [yes gender] and never coming out). And yeah today I'm in the process of moving to a blue state with my wife.
19 year old me would mostly be shocked I want to live tbh
Her??
damn, maybe I should stop smoking weed and stay in college
Are you fucking kidding me?!
Damn, I really should have thought about these responses before I posted this question. My inbox is flooded with comments that are kinda anxiety inducing, until I remember the context 😂
Oh lol that would have been hilarious if it happened to me, but like after the fact... Well after the fact lol
You figured out what to do in life and landed a nice career? Nice!
You're still single? That really sucks.
Our family blew up? Dad's gone? Oh...
At 19, it was right before a rough few years. My parents went through a messy and drawn-out divorce that I was dragged through the middle of, and ended with my dad dying. Those events helped me figure out who I was and ultimately led me to where I am today, which is in a pretty good spot, but it was a terrible price to pay.
"Your heart did WHAT??!?!?"
Take the first management promotion; turn down the rest. It's not worth it.
I clearly worded this question in a difficult way. You're not the only one who understood it backwards.
I'll know after 7 years, when I'm 19
Everyone on lemmy is 12 except you
"You were right and the guidance counselors were wrong."
I have no memory of what mine said... But yeah, in my experience people who start out one one path and switch on to a totally different one often seem like more interesting and well rounded and happy people. I imagine guidance counselling would often be nearly impossible. At least in the sense of suggesting a career path - I guess just answering questions could still be really useful.
I just wanted them to place me better classes. They were convinced I would be happier, or more likely, their job easier, if I was placed in all remedial classes. This is despite testing advanced proficient for science and average for math and despite my grade school recommending me for advance placement for science.
I was never interested in talking to them about career paths or any of the other "American Dream" lies. I wanted to do something good for the world with my years in college. They fucking hate that.
They'd probably be worried that I had gotten sucked into the interminable rat race, and wouldn't believe me when I said I had found a way to be comfortable with it. I used to have panic attacks about the idea of entering the normal workforce and ending up in a job situation like my father did. Love the man, but he prioritized "providing" for the family over being present, and burned himself out doing it. I can see the nuanced differences between that and my situation now, but I never would have back then.
They wouldn't believe that a relatively modest life could cost so damn much of what I take home. I make money that would make my 19yo head spin, and it's still not enough to be as comfortable as I would like.
They'd be furious that I let my strong friendships of the time slip for over a decade.
They'd be worried about my weight and how far my general health has tanked. Walking everywhere and doing manual labor jobs had made it easier than I realized to stay healthy back then.
They'd be confused that I'm a decade into a different romantic relationship. That might cause them to more carefully examine the one they were in at the time. I'm not sure if cutting it early would have been better for me though. I learned and grew by years in the span of a few months when that relationship was dying.
Oooh yeah. Break-ups can turn out to be wild growth phases sometimes, if you're paying attention and approaching it in a useful way.
"Stable life despite most dreams being crushed? Ok, that doesn't sound bad... Shouldn't have stopped drawing? Wait, you're teaching kids how to draw as a volunteer and liking it?? That was unexpected."
whoa, really?
nice! congrats!
We are still on course just with a unplan sidemission with our boyfriend
"... Wait, that's a job? I don't understand."
What is your job?
I'm a research analyst. I write research about technology, give advice to companies about it, and present at conferences in person on it.
"nice, we're on track"
Young me would be proud how much i know about tech and what in capable of. Young me would not understand I'm not and internationally wanted slick underground hacker with a few million dollars stashed away. Young me would see my company and not understand why I am not a millionaire yet, he did not have a concept of things taking time. He would also ask howiI. Haven't kicked the wife out after constant problems with sex for 10 years plus and taken all three kids. "You love her?! You weak piece of shit. The kids need a mother? Yeah maybe, but you haven't gotten any for over a year for the fourth time in a decade dude, you are a looser."
That last half... didn't see that coming
X)
I can't believe we pulled it off holy shit we are good.
"What kind of career strategy was 'go with the flow', old man? Oh, but it worked out ok? Good to know."
Bahaha, this for me too, so much.
Probably a fair bit of middle class white male privilege in action for me - I've got a lot of community and family to be greatful for.
He'd ignore me then yell "I knew it! I'm going bald!"
19 year old me would say "ah so you didn't get into that university that offered industrial design eh? But I like computers so a software job is okay. Also sort of living the dream of being in a cool part of town but you aren't really taking advantage of it."
"Sounds shitty, have you considered suicide?"
Younger me was depressed, pessimistic, arrogant, and very much so an asshole with selective hearing. He would only hear the parts of what's happened that fit what he expects to happen.
And despite quite a few negatives over the last decade or so, I've managed to do pretty well for myself.
He'd probably also tell me to lift with my knees. I had to do some heavy lifting at work yesterday and now my back's sore.
Wild how close this comment is to https://lemmy.world/post/27970420/16353904
Working in something vaguely related to what you just started studying and playing games. Just like you do now.
Hiking is fun, really?
Still loving programming - makes sense.
Still no significant other yet - alright I guess, too bad though.
"Huh."
Probably;
"you're still alive? You own a house? You're dating a divorced mom and her and her daughter moved in? You have 4 cats?"
I was really depressed and had undiagnosed ADHD. I genuinely believed that I wouldn't make it to 30. I was sure that my life was going to end at my own hand. I also didn't think I was worthy of love or that I'd ever find a woman who I could have a relationship with.
So yea, my 19 year old self would be very surprised that I exist at all.
I can make it on my own?? I can’t believe you have your life so well put together. I like cats better than dogs now?
"im gonna be pretty?"
So everything stays the same.
Wait so I still get to do this as a career? And I’m considered an expert in the field?!?
Yea that makes sense about my knees and back hurting.
They'd say: "oh shit, give me some of that methylfolate, please."
No video games? You used too be a real nerd, man, now you're just another normie!
Dude, you get your weed delivered to your house from a legitimate pharmacy and you can legally smoke it, everything else doesn't matter, Ohh yeah and that dickhead dad of ours gets kicked out, we never see him again and we get to be fucking awesome, oh and finally, you're 2 years away from owning the greatest dog you've ever met who becomes your legitimate best friend, she lives 15 years and they were amazing years with her.
“How can you possibly live your life and not care what people think? Impossible!”
It can be done, 19 year old me. ☺️
What do you mean bitcoin?
T.T
Don't bother
"Bull. Shit."
Heh, sounds about right.
I lost my dad (whom I was very close with) at 15, and my mom made my life extremely hard and confusing after that... I think I'd be mostly happy at how seemingly well-adjusted i am.
I'm objectively well-off, but turns out i care far more about non-financial things.
You are happily married in Europe, don't pigeon hole yourself in networking, jump on the automation bandwagon and as always buy and hold Bitcoin till it hits 90K
The question is "what would they say about your current self", not what advice would you give them..
Yep, totally misread that. I shouldn't Lemmy right as I wake up
Someone tried to convince mid-20s me about bitcoin and he was having none of it. Probably would've squandered a ton of it back then, anyway, once it got over the hump of a pizza for 10k or 50k bitcoin or whatever it was and finally got some acceptance.
I bought heaps of bitcoin in the early 2010s. And spent it all on drugs. Ironically, I think that turned out to be an excellent investment (just not financially).
I was studying computer science then, and I’m working as a software engineer now, so probably just as expected. Probably thought I would have gotten married and had kids younger but otherwise life has been…boring
Early 30s now. I've been on this path since I was 18, so I guess I'd be happy to hear that I stuck with it. I'd probably also be disappointed to hear that I'm actually kind of bad at it.
"Yeah you probably should have jumped off that bridge".
:(
Are you OK? Have you got access to some kind of therapy?
I'm fine.
I've been in and out of therapy most of my life. Therapists are useless (for me). Not once have they told me something I didn't already know. I know why I respond to things the way I do. I know where the trauma started. I know what copeing mechanism I've developed and how they can effect relationships.
Keeping a journal doesn't help. Meditation doesn't help. All the various other bullshit they have tried since I was a kid have been terrible.
Medication makes my brain feel like molasses which makes me wanna step into oncoming traffic even more so than normal.
It is what it is.
Things are going mostly according to plan? Can I give advise? If so it would be buy stocks as soon as possible bitcoin/doge with skyrocket so buy that as well as sp500. Sell everything the day trump wins the 2024 election. Then buy the big dip in late Feb
"Oh shit I'm a girl?"
Like, you were completely unaware of it at that point, or you just didn't think it would happen?
I knew something was wrong but I didn't put the dots together until my early 20s. I'd definitely had "I wanna be a girl" thoughts as a kid/teen but wasn't super aware that being trans was a thing so shoved them to the back of my brain and allowed myself to just kinda feel broken instead.
"I knew it, when do I get to start hormone therapy?"