You can summon a baguette out of thin air but it is always slightly stale. How do you use this ability for personal gain?
I need sleep
I assassinate people by summoning baguettes in their lungs.
We thought they would use this power to end world hunger, but it only took them 7 hours to weaponize it
Can't be hungry if they are dead!
Breadbane the Yeastman always rises!
Enter a homeless shelter each morning. Do my thing. Walk out a richer man than I was when I walked in.
Not all gain is monetary
Croutons! I start up a crouton factory!
Croutons are what make me tingle. I mean it. I’m crou-tingly.
I eat a lot of French toast.
My kids get breakfast on demand.
Feeding the homeless.
And if you park in the bike lane with your window open, you're getting a very crumby backseat.
If the ability has some range, become the weirdest assassin ever as I summon baguettes inside folks windpipes, lungs, hearts, and/or skulls.
Can you do this to all the billionaires?
If he can't, summoning a baguette and forcefully shoving it up their noses is perfectly valid
Being only slightly stale isn't an issue at all, especially when it comes to sustenance to stay alive. Setting personal gain aside, have people pay you to travel to Bumfuck, Africa. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
Travel to Bumfuck, India. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
I'm sure you could reach out to many impoverished countries of the world, say hey you pay for my travel, my food & lodging, and pay me $200K (or whatever they can afford) and I'll make slightly stale baguettes rain down from the fucking sky and they'll gladly take you up on that offer. If they're smart.
World hunger, solved. Deserts covered with multiple feet of fertile, composted bread-soil. And as others have said, French toast & other foods forever. Plus if you work it right, you could get paid to travel the world & enrich the nations with your talent.
Become famous for producing infinite food, get shot by a religious fanatic whose beliefs don't align with the supernatural talents you possess. That or just a corporate hit by Frito-Lays.
I guess that is an angle. But I think I heard of an old Asian tale basically saying that tyrants, dictators, and oppressors require amazing security detail by default. But universally loved rulers who care for the people & do incredible amounts of good need minimal security, and every good man is an unpaid member of their security detail. Virtually all will work to protect him.
Even if that were the case, if you could quickly work over a few countries & create organic, fertile topsoil for all the barren land on Earth -- I would argue you have a moral obligation to quickly, quietly execute that power. Even if it kills you. Perhaps start by creating oceans of slightly stale baguettes in the deserts; leave people in the dark. Then go to countries in secret & be like I am the bread god, you've seen my work, pay me now, and get all the bread.
Even if they were to eventually find & kill you, strictly speaking about utility, creating millions of tons of fertile, rich compost & filling the bellies of millions of people is more good than you or I could ever hope to accomplish in a lifetime. Even a million people. It would be an act of goodness that would change the world forever.
If someone pulls a gun on you, then just summon a baguette into their lung...
Maybe this is a cynical take, but someone in power would almost immediately have the magic infinite food person assassinated.
There are a surprising number of people who have indicated that they would use their baguette summoning powers to carry out assassinations. Here's me thinking "damn I could honestly help out in countries that are struggling, with this power" like the simpleton I am.
Oh I was fully thinking about murder too, to be honest.
With the right (or maybe that should be "wrong") people out of the way, many more people will be fed than would otherwise not be. Short term goals versus long term goals.
Also, stale baguettes, while technically food, are not the most nutritious of foods. Employing the baguettes in other ways may result in better nutrition.
I should make plain that "out of the way" does not necessarily mean the most extreme measure. It can, but it doesn't have to.
Somewhat like a stale baguette.
You can do both!
I don’t use it for personal gain.
I give away infinite free bread, and get arrested and jailed forever.
Slightly stale? It does sounds like i can steam it back up and then use it to do other recipe. Make Garlic bread with it is great, or cube it then bake it until crunchy, then toss it into mushroom soup as topping.
Unless you read the prompt as the baguette will always remain slightly stale, so no matter how you attempt to freshen it up, it will still be slightly stale.
Ah damn. They stopped the Challenge where you get 1 Million USD if you can prove you have Paranormal Powers.
No more giving money to homeless people. You get a stale baguette. Best of luck to you.
The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
You're cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please don’t the fuck go blind by making moonshine with your daily staley.
.... I'd summon a few billion directly overlapping the physical space of a corrupt politician. If outdoors, in a tall column directly above, preferably several tons worth per capita.
Some choice people from this list I have would also receive a suborbital baguette infusion.
The downside is trying to deal with the stale fallout and subsequent mess the pummeled flesh and dough would leave after... Birds everywhere would go nuts.
ORBITAL BAGUETTE STRIKE!!
I was thinking I could open a restaurant focusing on pain perdu (basically french toast)
Can I summon the baguette out of the thin air inside someone's lungs? Cos that's basicly a free kill anyone wherever, whenever. U can rule the wold with that power.
Nope. Similar to DnD rules on create water, it has to be an empty void that you can see. Can't summon it inside someones lungs.
I'd make a fuckload of croutons
omg FRENCH ONION SOUP EVERYDAY
Oh that's easy: sell it at an outrageous price in upscale North American restaurants as authentic "pain Francais".
Reminds me of some American charlatan in the 1800s (I think it was the 1800s) who passed herself off as Chinese. To be fair they were able to get away with it because the Chinese were banned from the country.
Become a French toast master
I become king of Dad Jokes.
-Dream transition effect-
-Clears throat to someone-
What do you do after getting your groceries?
-summons baguette-
You baguette !
🥖
Hey, so I'm very positive somewhere near you is a doorway of some type. Would you kindly walk through it, and leave?
Unlimited garlic bread, yay!
So.. how thin does it air have to be? Does it only work on a mountain top? Are tastebuds affected by low air pressure?
Can it be a 1 tonne baguette I would summon directly above someone's head?
Metric ton or imperial?
Metric of course. I thought imperial measure have something to do with number of elephants.
T O A S T
I contact every James Randi-type paranormal debunker that I can find and explain my power to them. I agree to all of their terms and agree to demonstrate it to them under whatever tightly controlled absolutely perfectly sterile conditions they want.
And I do it for them, claim my prize money, and continue on with my life.
My power is to summon a baguette, not unlimited baguettes, so I gotta make that one count and I think that's my best to get the most bang for my buck.
Or if I get to decide where exactly that baguette is summoned to, perhaps I will have it spring into existence occupying the same space as [REDACTED]'s brain stem. Having them out of the picture would greatly enrich my life.
Open up a breading buisness. Turn the stale bread into breading and sell it at half the price of the competition.
Elroy's House of Croutons
I'll put some spicy chicken, turkey or other meat with some onions and garlic, hot out of the frying pan, maybe some hot sauce or gravy and some salad on the bread. Wrap with aluminium foil and leave it for a few minutes. Nice soft bread again...
I say "this is for the birds"... and I give unlimited free bread to the birds outside.
Feed the birds. Then what have you got? Fat birds.
Figure out a way to burn it completely and cleanly. Infinite power.
But I guess it depends on how long it takes to magic out of thin air.
If I could do millions per second, I might be able to get some time off. If it was 1 per second, then not really viable.
Although would add carbon to the environment (as opposed to unlocking millennia old carbon).
So, feed those that need fed. I guess
So basically unlimited bread pudding, French toast, and of course capirotada!
There's a French Toast restaurant near me. Maybe I could cut a deal with them, or just open a food truck.
Have you seen the per pound price of croutons?
No, I make my own out of bread that I summon the old-fashioned way.
According to wikipedia, the atmosphere has a mass of about 5.15×1018 kg and a baguette has a minimum mass of 8×10-2 kg
I only need to create 6.4×10^19 baguettes
Now i have to figure out how to monetize this
If you summon enough baguettes in the right spot in space, you generate enough mass to gravity-slingshot Earth into a new trajectory. Depending on what mood you're in, you could use this to solve global warming, or send us into a collision course with the sun.
Do my thing while standing by the microwave, that magical box which turns slightly stale bread into hot steamy fresh bread again.
I would rain down bagels baguettes upon my enemies’ heads! Muhahaha.
Baguettes AND bagels is too OP. Not fair.
Apparently I can’t read well the first 30 minutes of the day.
Slice it. Toast it. Add toppings. Endless tapas.
Baguettes just dump out of Trumps butt whenever he makes a public appearance
Why not just cover the Whitehouse in baguettes 100s of meters high, while simultaneously filling the rooms with so much baguette you can't even move.
Could probably launch my own line of bagel chips (or bagel crisps), I'd never need to buy the main ingredient.
Trickle them slowly enough onto the GE so they keep their value so I can sustain my membership through bonds.
Ergot farming.
Definitely on the 'use it to assassinate billionaires and malicious politicians' bandwagon.
One that's done, I'm spending the rest of my life traveling to feed birds at various parks, beaches, etc.
Edit - also slightly stale is perfect for making banh mi. My lunch game is about to to kick up a notch.
I could probably get a job at either of my local grocery store bakery departments with that.
I could make a bunch of Runescape players very happy, I guess.
Killing a two-headed squirrel near Mt Rainier.
I challenge Karl, King of Ducks, for his crown.
I become ruler of every duck I come across.
I hide my katanas in them
Stale baguettes would make great chicken feed.
Start a stuffing and bread pudding restaurant, or a fencing school. En Garde!
Make French toast. Oh wait eggs are too expensive. Never mind
Burn the baguettes to boil water that spins a turbine that generates electricity.
I'm running on 4 hours sleep for the past 2-3 days so forgive me if this makes no sense. I'm going to see if I can find it in my enormous vault of bullshit but I remember seeing a tumblr post ages ago about humans in space. I love those things. Where humans are dealing with aliens and they're confused by us or vice versa. There was one of an engineer talking to an alien after first contact and they're discussing technology. It gets to what they use to go FTL and power their ships. Insanely complicated tech and then the alien finishes it with "and then it boils water which spins a turbine that generates electricity" and the engineer just starts screaming and smashing his head off of a bulkhead.
Edit: Well that was fucking easy. Still not sure this is the one I'm thinking of though.
Go to bed.
So basically engineers managed to even take solar power where we have steam-free power generation and insert steam into it anyway
Engineers loves taking every imaginable form of energy source and turn it into a way to drive a steam engine
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Concentrated_solar_power
All superpowers and magic can in some way be used to create perpetual energy machines.
Another way to do this without carbon would be to just summon them high up and sad they fall they spin turbines. Though you'd end up with a ton of baguettes and nothing to do with them
First drop then burn. You're back to carbon but you double the efficiency (might not be double I'm not a psychic)
Unless the baguettes sequester Carbon when they appear, this will eventually kill most humans.
Profits were made