I heard JD is banned from the aquarium.

Dolphins? Couches? Potato salad? Does this guy just go around sticking his dick in stuff?

I saw that there reports he didn't fuck a couch, then someone shared an interview where he said he did... Did Republicans even try to dig shit on this guy?!?!
- They had to retract that report, because they could not verify that he’s not a sectional predator.
- Where’s that interview??
- He didn't fuck the couch, to completion
- Waaaaaait there’s video of this? Also, what’s all this about potato salad‽
“If this gonna be that kinda party, imma stick my dick in the mashed potatoes”
- Those potatoes weren't mashed when someone put them on the table.
- B boys makin wit da freak freak
Okay what's the potato salad thing?
I read his book. It read about like he just shoved his dick in a typewriter and flopped it around for a few hundred pages.
- Back in my day, that would have been impossible without some kind of penile injury as you probably would have needed to slam that thang pretty good on every key. People now-a-days are spoiled because their keyboards are so sensitive. You could even sneeze and type something from a microphone type writer.
He's just an ambulatory version of the "Instructions Unclear" meme.

I thought you said JD was dead? No, I said he sleeps with the fishes

Well he does give off The Deep vibes

More like he gives off Tek-knight vibes.
He'll fuck anything with a hole, like a couch.

Is this one real?

I don't use twitter so can't verify, but here is the apparent post people are making fun of him over. The claim is that the words "woman" and "dolphin" being bolded are signs that he searched for those terms.
- Hmmmmm. That's uh... Sure I'll take it.
https://www.alternet.org/news-politics/vance-dolphins/
Yes
If yes, would it make him more relatable or even more disgusting?
And would you be surprised if it were real?
- No

What happens behind closed doors between a man, a dolphin, a couch, several firearms, and a copy of Mein Kampf is personal and private.

Gay people? Oh no, that’s not a thing. Maybe if men had the smooth, supple feel of Corinthian leather, I would understand.

Being tricked into downloading 6 gigs of dolphin porn still remains one of my favorite 4chan pranks.

Does nobody remember dolphinsex.org?

Damn, he's the real world version of The Deep.

Print photos of different couches and mail them to any or all of these locations:

Don’t forget to add little love notes. e.g., “Thinking of you 💋”

Hi! I'm Troy Mclure. Wow, this one really takes me back.

Going Deeper

What are the odds Trump chose Vance because his initials are Trump's backwards?

Sometimes a bottle nosed dolphin is just a bottle nosed dolphin. Sometimes it's a big gray dildo fish.

Shady Vance just keeps getting shadier.

cOuCh fUcKeR

Is he sabotaging Trump on purpose? Is JD Vance running the best psy-op in human history?

Almost certainly not, but the conjecture fits the data shockingly well.

Poor JD, his grandma really did hate him for being a burdensome piece of shit.