Sexism really do be getting me down

For the past few weeks there have been multiple people on here really showing their asses by upvoting or commenting outright incel shit on various posts. This has convinced me that Hexbear needs another fucking purge.

Ngl, there’s been a lot of iffy shit over the last couple months that have been making me rethink being here. If it weren’t for the absolute amazing trans community, I probably would’ve left. A portion of the men on this site make me horrendously uncomfortable and really are just solidifying why I will probably never date or hook up with a man even though I’m pan. Men terrify me now.

So fucked up how common it is for guys to just go to bat for an entirely hypothetical man in an entirely hypothetical scenario rather than just listen to a woman's concerns about how they don't feel safe around men they don't know. I really cast a side eye on any man or masculine presenting person who just wants to dismiss women's concerns the way some of those people did. They're a tiny minority of people there, but the fact that they're here at all is disturbing.

This #Notallmen stuff should have no place here.

Sorry you experienced that. I had not heard of that meme before reading that thread you linked. I'll say as an male-presenting person, it definitely doesn't feel good to have people assume that you are inherently dangerous for reasons that are out of your control. That's where the instinct to minimize comes from, I think.

But that's how it is, unfortunately. That's the consequence of living under patriarchy, and if a guy doesn't like it then they should assist in dismantling it rather than trying to dismiss its harms.

I heard a coworker today talk about almost getting kidnapped on a Tinder date, with the dude stalking her to her job and following her home. Just horrifying stuff. It's so pervasive but as a guy I don't encounter it until I hear stories like this and realize how dangerous it is out there for women and femmes alike. So, as much as I made jokes in the thread about gay bears, I get the point. It's not safe out there.

This might be controversial but I'm gonna say it: it sucks that women/femmes are less safe than men/masc are, it sucks that this means they have to be so careful all the time about things guys don't even think about, it sucks that our society doesn't take their safety or seeking their justice seriously, and we aught to be doing something systemically to address all of those issues.

Yeah that thread was... Enlightening. Sorry you had that happen but it exposed a fair few people that need(ed) to self crit.

It’s wild how someone will say the words “true crime brain” and just completely black out that they just said the word “true”. Like those horrific things happened because real men did them.

I saw the worst fucking takes around this in a facebook "leftist" group, so many "not all men" telling women to shut up and touch grass, because obviously talking about abuse and being mistrusting of men is "hysterical" and "permanently online". I thought I had stumbled onto 4chan by mistake.

the worst ones were probably spouting literal right-wing racist shit about immigrant men being overrepresented to le epicly troll those evil misandrist women.

fucking disgraceful

I try to avoid talking about SA on the internet because men with fragile egos will always find it and share their horrible takes in which they are the victims. I didn’t really expect hexbear to be an exception but I’m still sad to see it confirmed

I saw your thread before and after it exploded and I am sadly not surprised. Even “left” men are still men.

Many years ago I was walking home from a nearby snack run and was tailed by a large truck with their brights on right behind me for several street blocks who then peeled out and sped away very dramatically when another car came. Tell me when a bear ever does something like that.

Looking forward to the next Dirt_Owl post where they talk about how they didn't expect this post talking about how guys minimise SA to draw in guys minimising SA.

(On the plus side, a few more of these and hopefully it'll purge all of the misogynistic assholes from hexbear)

yeah that shit was pretty yikes. just another example of how even people who are on board with us most of the time still have serious brainworms to exorcise.

Going purely by DV statistics and rape culture, yeah I pick the bear too.

It's agonising to know that I can scare women just by existing in an area/place they don't expect. And that's not their fault, they're just protecting themselves. It's our society that has made it this way.

Okay, but, have you considered: what about ethics in gaming journalism? reakky makes u thikn

Men: build up for centuries being dangerous and tendency to domination of others as a virtue 'non-dangerous non-overly-confident men are not real men!!!'
Also men: 'how dare you call me "dangerous"!? I am very offended, boo-hoo!'

Also, not on this site, but I have seen women's complaints of sexism be disregarded in supposedly-leftist spaces, such as in threads authored by them and dedicated to them saying that they are excluded from various hobbies/spaces where some people commented 'nobody is complaining about being excluded!'

I'll admit I made a smartass comment or two on social media (even here) about bears being able to run really fast

But fuck's sake how do you not listen to people reiterating the point again and again that it's a thought exercise meant to make you figure out why the bear is their choice and actually listen

I saw it yesterday shortly after Read_Fanon had made that lovely response, and I felt good about the comments! I didn't realize it had taken a turn until I saw this post, and there were 100+ new comments 😳 aaaaaahhhhhh

True Crime Brain got me down, I GUESS 😮‍💨😤🤦😭

I was talking with a parent some time ago. Her daughter was really sweet and sociable with everyone. She expressed some concern that she was struggling with finding a way to limit / curtail / correct (I don't remember the exact wording) that behavior because it wasn't always safe. At the time, I was thinking more about how crime is hyper focused in media so I pushed back a bit and said I didn't think it was something she should worry about and it was great that her daughter was so outgoing and friendly. I discussed it with a friend and she reminded me that I'm a self-absorbed dude who's never had to worry about that and I really regret saying it.

If I could apologize to that parent now (maybe I'll see her again idk) I'd say that it sucks that our society makes being such a wonderful person like her daughter so hazardous. I gave it 0 thought and talked out of my ass

Disappointing yet not surprising, I've noticed guys on here having exceptionally cringe takes for a while.

Permanently Deleted

I'm increasingly thinking men should not be a thing anymore. #somanymenitmightaswellbeallofus

My wife told me about that meme question something like last week and I'd pretty much forgotten about it.

I forget sometimes how people can't step outside of themselves and see things from a more "big picture" or systemic perspective and get stuck personalizing the issue with a need to turn into a debate bro about it.

Damn I missed the original post and meme entirely and was wondering where the c/cth snowclones were coming from and upvoting just thinking they were some HB riff. I'm reading through now and will self-crit. Thanks for raising this.

The lingering parts of patriarchy are the hardest to dismantle. Like I try real hard to not use sexist words but then I see a guy whine on the jobsite "oh what a b-" and I gotta catch myself. I'd never call a woman that word but that instinct is still there when I see a man who can't hack it. It's dumb but it's a real struggle to unlearn it.

It's sad, because when I see it I know that when I was younger, I wouldn't have been as rabid as right wing weirdos, but I would've 'gone to bat' and been all contrarian about it, pointing out how 'actually the comparison isn't valid' and so on... And in my own head I never meant it badly, but I sort of knew I was a misogynist at the same time? It's weird, the contradictions our brains are able to reconcile.

In some ways it comforts me that I and many others 'escape', but that was in a time of a very sexist undercurrent, with corners of the internet being true 'incel' shit. These days with all the manfluencers, it's not just Steven Crowder or whoever the fuck that no one who's touched grass knows about. It's shit that 'normal' people engage with more often. That said, I think things are marginally better now - there's some things you really 'cant say' anymore. But there's a lot you can, and I sometimes get the feeling we could be sliding backwards.

Furthermore, although I escaped, there's always a holdover. I think a lot of people escape rabid sexism, but don't continue to critique from there, because the world is so sexist in general. It's not hard to be less sexist than most men, while at the same time being very sexist.

143 Comments, (139 New)

I’d like to apologize for my own bad takes and ignorance. I’m trying to piece apart my thoughts on it and why I have so much trouble with this one. I’ve read through replies to my comments and other effort posts in the comments multiple times.

Threads about women will reliably bring a weird misogynist or two out of the woodwork. I have come to view it as a cleaning-out exercise since the mods seem to be very good abt it.

Would chose over a man or any other type of bear, sorry not sorry.

I get the point of the joke, and agree the guys LOSING IT over the joke have misogynistic brain worms. However I think there is maybe a discussion to be had about it reinforcing gender essentialist talking points. I've been seeing this meme floating around CHUD Reddit (CW: transphobia).

Tell you what I dont get some guys getting so mad about it. First I heard about it didn't get me down, bears leave you be if you leave them, some fellas won't and you don't know till it happens

I admit I've got a privileged position here, being a man of some size and not having been through the shit my male friends went through, let alone women. I still think people are minimising death before one's time.

Edit: I cannot speak ill of anyone who made assumptions regarding what I'm thinking, I should've been clearer but I was trying to avoid wasting too much time. Ended up wasting everyone else's.

I'm not taking a position on the absolutely inane hypothetical. I'm from a country where women being murdered is a pathetically frequent occurrence, to the point that it barely makes news. I don't mean in the "my grandparents had slaves and I've never visited Cuba" way, most of my adult life I couldn't listen to half an hour of national news without hearing of some dickweed having murdered his wife/girlfriend/daughter and then getting a slap on the wrist, maybe a couple years.

I skimmed the previous thread and what I saw was a lot of people implicitly turning the hypothetical into rape by man vs death by bear. I disliked how many comments seemed to have that underlying it and how many of those went uncorrected.

As a man, I would find it offensive if a woman thought I was dangerous simply because I'm a man.