I'm a drug addict, AMA
I'm a drug addict, AMA
Drug addicts/People who use drugs are probably the last marginalized social category that it’s totally OK to treat like shit. There’s a movement to promote drug users’ humanity and advocate for our civil rights (things like safe injection sites, safe supply, ending the War on Drugs), which is still in its very early infancy; if you’re interested, a good place to start is looking up the Vancouver Area Network of Drug Users (VANDU), and its associated org, the Drug Users’ Liberation Front (DULF). “Harm reduction” is a keyword that’s heavily associated with our movement.
It’s a rare sight, a drug addict (in “active addiction”) speaking for themselves and for their community (yes, community). I’m not ashamed of my drug use. I have never scammed anyone for drugs. I have never stolen from anyone. And in contrast to how jaded this world leaves most of us who do dope in the shadows, I have met the closest friends and the most awesome people I’ve met in my entire life since I started doing drugs. I’m going to rehab soon (I guess), but I don’t intend to leave this world behind all the way. These are my friends. These are my people. o7
Anyways…
Yeah ask me anything. Some questions I may respectfully pass on because of reasons.
I’m calling the rehab place tomorrow, technically today, btw.
Tell me more about this person that you love so much
For what it's worth, I think your story about them and recovery is incredibly sweet
This made me smile. I hardly hear any positive feedback about my feelings for them. And I love talking about them; when things remind me of them, like the grocery store we used to go to together, I get heart-wrenchingly sad, but when I tell a story about them or about their favorite candy or whatever it makes me legit happy.
Idk what to say though, about them. Ask me something I guess? I wish I could tell you their name. It makes my heart flutter when I just think of their name. And it’s a cool name.
They’re so tragically beautiful. Part of what makes me so fucking sad is how much of them will always be a mystery.
You are going to rehab which indicates you want to stop using drugs, yet you are attached to the community of drug users. What is it about the community that draws you in, and do you think you can find that outside of that community?
I’m gonna think about this one. I gotta sleeps.
One thing I can say though is, I never really liked normal society. Even before I so much as touched a cigarette, I daydreamt of running away from home and being a gutter punk.
On the subject of this person's question, I'm interested to know if part of your attraction to the addict community are the many ways it tends to be more supportive than the rest of the world.
For instance, I'm probably not the only person who has had difficulty getting friends to help with moving, even when you've got a truck and will pay in cash, pizza, and beer. Moving when we were addicts was easier - other pillheads were happy to help us when we were happy to keep them high while they did it. Home improvement projects or odd jobs, same deal - hard to get a regular friend to commit and follow through but rarely a problem with the pillfolk.
They tended to be generally more understanding and empathetic, too.
What do you think of gooning and is it worse or better than what you go through?
I’ve spent hours crankin’ it. I’ve missed nights of sleep.
Hey, how are you? I hope you're doing well or getting well.
Lately I’ve been pretty fucked off. Barely leaving my little shack thing that I made. Today I actually shaved and washed my face.
What made you want to go to rehab?
Ironically someone who’s been addicted to meth and heroin since they were 18, who I used to buy from, and who I met at our I guess then-mutual dealer’s place in June or July of 2021. I started losing my shit and fucking myself off and got obsessive and weird for them. They won’t talk to me anymore, and I know I have to do it for myself, and I do have reasons for wanting to do it unrelated to them (I’m embarrassed by the way I am on meth, and I’m basically going to fucking die if I don’t at least learn to be more responsible), but it’s very very hard to do anything for myself, even when it means like, whether I get to eat a decent meal today. The hope that maybe they’ll talk to me again if I get my shit together is the only faint light guiding me to the shore.
Thank you for our answer. I wish you the best of success in your journey!
what are you addicted to
Meth. Occasionally I do heroin/fentanyl but I’ve avoided becoming addicted.
Hey 👋 Im actually a clinician at a substance abuse clinic (and a recovering addict with three years off meth) what kind of risks for relapse do you anticipate in your recovery?
And since this is leftist website, what do you suspect are the largest material obstacles towards recovery for yourself and for others in recovery?
Most of my Patients post-residential treatment quite honestly relapse mostly because despite doing excellent while in rehab (and while being housed) quickly return to drug usage when gaps in services fail to provide housing for people who graduate our program.
Lack of motivation, the absence of hope.
I talk a lot about my friend, the one who won’t talk to me anymore. They’re the only motivation I can find in this empty world, but I still haven’t called the rehab place and I still have only left my shack to charge my phone, crittle around* a bit, and the go to my local Kroger subsidiary and buy sushi with your taxpayer dollars. Pretty much every single time I’ve tried quitting, it was because I knew it would mean something to them. Even before I started hyperfixating on them. The one time I really almost did it, the day I woke up and realized I had passed the amphetamine bow shock and felt like my old self again (I didn’t even make it a day before I relapsed lol), I texted them and told them I quit meth.
And then either I give up because it feels stupid, or white-knuckling gets too hard for me and I tell myself I can taper down instead or that I can have the self-control to take a harm reduction route (i.e. hit the bong once instead of 12 fucking times) and then something throws me off or gets me down and oops I just smoked an entire gram lol.
What’s funny is, this most recent time I tried quitting, when I got to the point where I could walk around and do stuff and function and not freak the fuck out, I loved it. I felt great. And then I got high.
I know I can’t blame all my problems on meth. In fact sometimes I feel like I was more fucked up before I started doing meth. But like, I used to brush my teeth every day. I used to be able to have something for more than a couple weeks before I fucking lose it. I used to have a reputation as something other than a fucking loser.
What’s weird is I don’t think my best friend also being my dealer will be a problem. He’s said that he wants to talk about how he can be supportive, if I do go to rehab. And I don’t think it’s worth it if I can’t develop the willpower to just not fucking do meth.
As a person in recovery, a big material obstacle for me is the cost. It isn’t exactly prohibitive, but it does add up and can weigh on person if they’re in a rough financial situation.
By the way, thanks for doing what you do. ❤️
Has your drug use affected your politics, and if so how? Have you unlocked any hidden knowledge on a high?
I’m honestly not sure, re: first question.
No hidden knowledge, though I did find it kind of mind-blowing how different a lot of dealers are from the stereotype; my dealer is gayer than a unicorn and has two dogs whom he baby-talks to. I can’t tell you about the other one I used to buy from because it would be too specific, but they are weird and amazing and make my heart melt, I can tell you that.
Hi, thank you for posting this. Because a lot of leftist stuff focuses on marginalised people, by proxy I've noticed how horrifically people treat anyone with an addiction. Like a safe injection site was set up in my town recently and I was disheartened to hear people bitching about "crime rates" and whatever.
I'm glad you posted this, and I'm happy to hear that you've met cool people and found community, even if it's through drug addiction. I admire your commitment to your people o7
I would like to ask: since there's been a lot of noise made recently about Naloxone, has it greatly improved things from where you stand? How common is it for drug addicts to carry naloxone?
Edit: just found out that Naloxone has been approved in the US since 1971 or so? Dang, I've only heard about it the last like five or ten years.
It’s literally saved my life; I took one hit off some strong fetty powder and immediately died (junkie subculture has this kinda poetic thing of using “died” as a term for overdosing; my username comes from a friend, who was talking about all the times they’ve died). It’s not as available as it should but it’s fairly ubiquitous. I just remembered that I by proxy saved someone’s life some months ago, because of what I taught a friend about reversing an overdose.
Also another cool fact about naloxone: it’s derived from oxycodone.
Nasal naloxone (narcan) came out in 2015 and made it way easier to use. It's expensive though - I keep one in my purse but only because my work supplies them in case I see someone OD in the streets (I work in houseless services). Before that you'd have to do an intramuscular injection with a big scary needle (have some of those too, fortunately never had to use them).
Most of the clients I've spoken to about it didn't know that the injection form exists, but I've heard lots of horror stories of "the before times" where people would OD and their friends would have no idea what to do but wait it out.
Brb, writing my Common App supplemental essay about how I'll enhance campus diversity as a drug addict.
lul
(good luck)
really general question but which drugs are taken by what jobs/types?
I cant speak for OP but meth use is pretty widespread, there arent a lot of like specific jobs or whatever that have it more than others.
At the clinic I work at, we mostly get prison referrals and gang outreach patients but from other clinics we know that housewives, white collar workers and upper income people use just as much as our guys, except our guys don't have a golden parachute to save them every time they make a mistake or overamp
thanks!
As an occasional drug user and someone who has been involved in the harm reduction scene for decades, all the solidarity and love to you, comrade.
Dunno where you live, but there surely are many people not treading addicts like shit. The same way I wouldn't treat someone with another illness as shit.
Those who do are just adult bullies or weak-minded pathetic fucks noone should care about.
Anyhow, no question here, just wanted to wish you the best of strength (not much luck needed) to overcome it. I only overcame Nicotine, so I can surely imagine the struggles with anythin worse. You can do it, random Internet stranger 😊
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Check out the podcast "crackdown" it's made by a leader of VANDU or the Vancouver drug users and they talk about a lot of things you would clearly be interested in. They're also unashamed and it's a great voice to listen to
So what got you addicted? Was it the substance itself or the reason for using it (or a combination of both)?
I’m definitely more of a drug addict than a meth addict. If I weren’t such a coward I’d switch over to the dark side (opioids).