Is it possible to eat in such a way that you'll never have to fart?
Is it possible to eat in such a way that you'll never have to fart?
If not, then what about rarely instead of never?
86 comments
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In short, no. To explain: you have a bunch of beneficial bacteria living inside your digestive tract. These little guys help you digest your food, and in return they get a free meal. This basically means that the food you eat ferments into poo. Fermentation always results in gas being released (think how the plastic wrap on a bowl of dough can puff up as it proves.) So to sum it up, unless you drank a strict water-only diet, anything you eat can give you gas. (Even then, you would probably still naturally swallow some air with the water, and some would make it to the other end as a fart.)
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Neat fact: Late in WWII, Germany deployed a rocket fighter. This rocket could climb to 12K in a three minuets. Consequently, the pilots had to eat a special low fiber diet to prevent gas because the change in pressure caused severe intestinal distress.
Of course that was the least of the pilot's problems. The Me163 was so crazy dangerous it made OceanGate look as safe as the Bank of England.
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This is precisely the answer I was looking for, though I didn't know it when I asked. Thank you!
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Are you flying an ME163?
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There you go, lots of processed grains and low fiber proteins
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could climb to 12K in a three minuets
a traditional minuet is ~4 minutes long, assuming meters, that would be roughly 2400 Km/h average speed
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The Me163 was so crazy dangerous it made OceanGate look as safe as the Bank of England.
You're just saying that because part of the fuel mixture would burst into flames when it came into contact with pretty much anything organic and had to he kept in aluminum containers because it would eat its way out of anything else.
And don't forget that the other part of the fuel mixture would also burst into flames when it came on contact with pretty much anything organic and had to be kept in glass containers because it would eat through aluminum.
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bro is doing the 3 day no fart challenge 💀
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The thing is my family boils our own beans, and I've noticed everytime I eat canned ones, I fart a lot more, so something about those processed beans.
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The magical fruit.
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Take it from me. You don't want to give up farting.
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As someone with crohn's I can confirm. Being bloated and unable to fart is a form of torture.
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Highlight of your day?
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I had my ass surgically removed like 20 years ago. Now I don't fart. Some days you miss it.
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It’s not possible to never fart but you can do things to reduce gas in your intestines. Here is an article about it. Sounds pretty miserable to me.
https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-farting#elimination-diet
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I'd rather fart and be happy than smell nice in misery.
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If you really wanted the best of both worlds, you could get those underwear inserts that hide the smell.
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Farts don't have to smell bad. This is something you can change with diet. In particular, avoiding animal products will help. But if you go completely vegan, then your sweat will smell weird, so it's a trade-off.
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There is a diet created by Monash University researchers called the Low FODMAP diet. Essentially FODMAPs are harder to digest sugars that exacerbate GI symtpoms, like farts and cramps. Most people won't see or feel much of a difference but those with GI issues (or those with a fart journal) may see a difference with the diet
However it is a rather strict diet to keep at first until you start reintroducing foods to figure out which foods cause the gas, so I would only recommend it if the gas is extreme or there is cramping or other GI related symtpoms.
I was on the diet for over a year by recommendation of a gastroenterologist and can confirm that after some time the farts were kinda rare and not the smelly kind. But like others have mentioned, farts are natural and cannot be eliminated.
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Idk man, with some of the better ones you just feel the need to document them for posteriority.
2023-08-03, 8;04 GMT: Brrraaappppp - br - br - br - br - brapp - brap - BRAAAAAPPPPP (engine revving sounds)
Excerpt from my fart journal.
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I REALLY wish FODMAP worked for me. I hear everyone raving about it, but may of the "safe" foods aren't safe for me, even in their tiny amounts, and non safe foods are fine. sigh
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My auntie swore by taking charcoal tablets. We just suspected she'd gone deaf.
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Old people don't fart. Instead of a distinct fart event, it's more of a constant, low pressure leak.
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Did she buy black underwear or dye them herself?
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I believe she spray painted them.
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This. When I used to work a very physical job (2.5k+ Cal per day min) I never had flatulence. My diet was also better, but I ate a ton. Like so much food, but I guess that's what happens when you burn more calories in a day then most people do existing. I do not miss that job, I do miss my old body. It would be impossible to get that amount of exercise naturally.
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Stop eating anything with high fructose corn syrup. I promise it works.
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If you hold on for a few minutes, it will be absorbed by the colon and go into your bloodstream. Then it will be released into the atmosphere through your skin. Soundlessly and smellessly.
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Only a certain amount, you can't hold everything in.
Trust me, I tried.
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That can't be healthy
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Doesn't the smell come out through your mouth (i.e. literally having fart-breath) if you hold it in, or is that just an urban myth?
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My gf almost never farts. She's given me a complex about it, i stg. She says she trained herself not to by sheer willpower, and in spite of living together for almost 2 years, I've only caught her like twice.
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She says she trained herself not to by sheer willpower
Does she burp a lot instead? Maybe she's pumping it back up the other way. Kind of like how railguns vs. blasters work lore-wise in EVE Online:
Consists of two components: a shell of titanium and a core of antimatter atoms suspended in plasma state. Railguns launch the shell directly, while particle blasters pump the plasma into a cyclotron and process the plasma into a bolt that is then fired.
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The rare farters always release it all in their sleep.
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I hardly ever fart, the rest of my family are a veritable natural gas factory. I do not eat sugar, or dairy and an vegetarian. Lots of black beans, not magical fruit for me. I never eat processed foods, and hardly ever eat bread or other gluten... I do have pasta once a week or so
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Gut ecology is complex and everyone's is different and it changes over time and with age and when you have to take antibiotics, etc. There's no one sure-fire way to just eliminate it.
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Cyanid comes to mind.
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Yes. A keto diet (less than 20gr of carbohydrates per day) or a no-carb diet make you rarely if ever fart.
Bacteria in your intestines can break down some carbs releasing methane and hydrogen gas. If there is very little carbs in your diet, then the bacteria in your gut won't produce a lot of gas.
This is a common realization of first-timers of these diets and therefore a frequently asked question on r/keto etc.
Side-note:
Due to the shift in diet, some gut bacteria, that rely heavily on carbs, might die off, which increases gas, but after a couple of days your body adapts to the diet and the flatulence ends.
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I fart far less on keto. Like 10%.
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To a certain degree, yes; either burp more, or eat food that is easier to digest.
If you're avoiding fast food, pears, beans etc. and you're still coming across this issue, you may want to check with your doctor and see if you have any digestive issues
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All I can say is don't take metformin if you're worried about farting. Otoh I've been reading that it's something of a wonder drug that extends your life expectancy and quality of life, though perhaps at others' expense where the latter is concerned…
Otherwise, I do know of a Japanese folk remedy that involves cooking any bean dish with some kombu–a type of hard dried seaweed not to be confused with the rather faddy kombucha, which I think is made from mushrooms or some kind of yeast? You don't even have to eat the kombu but toss it aside like a bayleaf, though it is edible. Then again, there is always beano.
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I never fart on a meat and fish only diet. Bread, potatoes, rice etc? I fart
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Anything animal based like beef and pork. Also your poop will be dark brown and small. Win win
In case you really want to do this, research on how to get into carnivore first. You probably will get the shits first if you get in head on first. But after that, it’s almost no gas and no poop
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That sounds like constipation
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You can’t eject what you don’t create.
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The whole30 diet did that and more for me!
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Uhoh. It’s another no poo post
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Im not sure if this is allowed, but I asked chatgpt because I just discovered it and I'm bored:
Flatulence is a natural bodily function and a normal part of the digestive process. It is not possible to eliminate farting completely, as it is a result of gas buildup in the gastrointestinal system. However, certain dietary changes may help reduce excessive gas production and the frequency of flatulence:
- Avoid gas-producing foods: Some foods can cause more gas than others, such as beans, lentils, cabbage, broccoli, onions, carbonated drinks, and certain types of fruits. Limiting or avoiding these foods may help decrease flatulence.
- Eat smaller, more frequent meals: Overeating can lead to increased intestinal gas production. Consuming smaller portions at mealtime and having regular, balanced meals throughout the day can be beneficial.
- Slow down while eating: Eating too quickly can cause swallowing air, leading to increased gas in the digestive system. Take your time to chew food thoroughly and avoid talking while eating.
- Be mindful of food intolerances: Some individuals may have intolerances to certain foods, such as lactose or gluten, which can contribute to excessive gas production. Identifying and avoiding trigger foods can help alleviate symptoms.
- Probiotics: Consuming foods and beverages that contain live cultures of beneficial bacteria (probiotics) may help promote a healthy balance of gut bacteria and reduce digestive issues, including gas. Examples include yogurt, sauerkraut, and kefir.
Remember, occasional flatulence is normal and healthy. If you experience excessive or persistent bloating, discomfort, or changes in bowel habits, it is advisable to consult a medical professional to rule out any underlying digestive conditions or concerns.
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Once you have solved this filthy little secret problem that you've been hiding from your loved ones, you can turn your attention to those big greasy turds that you have been producing every day. You flush them away but we know, we can smell the odour of shit and air freshener. We know when the captain starts walking with short strides he's clearing the poop deck, ready to drop anchor.
86 comments
I can guarantee that if you drank pure petroleum and ate quicklime then you would spend the rest of your life without worrying about farts.
But if you sharted it'd be like napalm.