Posted from my Squatty Potty

Gun = Rootie Tootie Point and Shootie

Pointy Shootie

can't believe they left out cruise missile: zoomy boomy

If they could read they’d be very upset.
I'd have called them chazzwazzers
Walkie-talkie was created by a Canadian engineer Donald Hings.

FYI: Defibrillators don't start the heart, they stop it.

The heart doesn't stop in many heart attacks. Instead it just beats erratically and in a way that doesn't pump blood well. Shocking the heart to stop it (what a defib does) causes the nerve cells to "reboot" and start beating regularly again.

Shocking a victim who's heart has stopped is useless and automatic defibrillators won't go off until they've detected the arrhythmia.

Hearty restarty
It's essentially the "have you tried turning it off and back on again" of cardiology.
- When I was a teenager my computer survived years of percussive maintenance. All I'm saying is, have doctors tried beating the shit out of their patients?
- Mind blown! 🤯
I blame House MD for this common misconception
Yes, thank you, I'm glad you mentioned it here, it doesn't happen often enough. I mean, it's even in the name, right? Defibrillator gets rid of fibrillation - the erratic beating!
And hippos aren't buoyant.
Fun at parties?

Beans = Farty Starties

Because they give you gas (pooty booty).

And if they went bad, you get booty shooty (diarrhea).
- Beans, beans, the musical fruit, the more you eat, the more you toot.

Speedo = Scrotie Totey

Brazilian Waxing = Shiny Giny

Too late

maybe pocket baby

The lol per pixel ratio of this meme was significantly above the mean

Erectile Dysfunction = Teenie Weenie

I am literally reading this on my squatty potty (if you don't have one - BUY ONE)

It's a travesty that they aren't called "Fuzzy Buzzies"

You can thank the US Army for that: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCR-300

Huh, I thought defibrillators were for arrhythmias, but it's also for cardiac arrest.

Yup, and it fucking sucks (better than dying though) to have one used on you.
- ...now I want to try it. Which is probably unwise.
It should be called Hearty Stoppy. That's what they do. Stop your heart so it can reboot in safe mode.