You are in control of the lathe. What are the funniest things you cause to happen in the next ~10 years?

Biden wins this year and pardons Trump. Trump stages a successful coup and has Biden executed.

Jeff Bezos shits himself to death on live T.V.

TikTok gets sold to a US group who immediately destroy it with obvious and smothering propaganda and moderation that makes posting anything difficult. It hemorrhages users for a month or two. And then China relaunches Musical.ly which grows exponentially and absolutely dominates again.

Azov/Right Sector accidentally release definitive proof that they fired on their own citizens during the Maidan after footage of it is included as B-roll for a pro-Ukraine propaganda video shared all over the internet by NAFO accounts.

Incumbent presidents typically attempt assassinating rivals before last day in office as becomes tradition after our latest SCOTUS ruling.

The British Royal Navy will claim that one of its vessels was hit and almost sunk by the Houthis. It will quickly be revealed that it was crashed into by another British Royal Navy vessel operating in the area. The Houthis will post a barrage of memes about it and the accident will cost the hundreds of millions and it's ability to continue its support of the mission.

I'd do everything chuds say leftists will do. Schools will teach Marxism and ML theory. All teachers must be LGBTQ+ and can't be white, or must demonstrate their allyship through concrete action and be approved after review by CRT experts. Anybody can get a no questions asked abortion at any point in their pregnancy. Anybody who has a gun and isn't a leftist gets it taken away and given, along with their ammo, to a Palestinian. Landlords get their properties given to their tenants, and vacant apartments get given to the homeless. Child marriage is made illegal and the general age of consent is 18 minimum. Intentionally misgendering gets you sent to a re-education camp. Actually all acts and expressions of bigotry do. Free healthcare including gender affirming care. Land back. DEI. If they name it and it sounds based or at least funny, I'll do it.

My favourite was that Canada Post / USPS would ship ounces of weed via the mail. Shit that's a good idea.
Then George Soros sends us all a big juicy check.
- Right after I cash in my Xibucks
What a lovely picture you painted in my mind. 💗
- I'm glad 🥰 I should write bloomer fiction.
Child marriage is made illegal and the general age of consent is 18 minimum.
AGHH!! NOO!! LITERALLY COMMUNISM 1849!

united states collapses but then europe federates into the united states of europe with an almost identical constitution

~~U! S! A!~~
U! S! E!
- USE vs. USSA The new cold war
after the US collapses all of the white suburbanites flee to europe and vanguard this effort.
We may not even need the lathe for this one.
- US hogs could never deal with good public transit, cheap fresh food, and good espresso.
- Okay anglo self-exile post-balkanization of Turtle Island would be so fucking funny
The only difference is that the cheeseburgers are now made with baguettes and McDonald's get renamed to ChezDonald.

One of them wins, dies right after.

AOC successfully impeaches every GOP nominated supreme court justice only for Biden to do some bullshit Obama deal

AOC successfully impeaches every GOP nominated supreme court justice just in time for Trump to take office.

The UK is dragged into the war by hawks and defence industry goons in a newly elected Labour government under Keir Starmer.

Trump then wins the election and begins a withdrawal of support, money, and troops by the US, leaving us in the lurch.

Russia hits some UK military targets abroad and maybe does some cyber attacks here, which will enrage the defense folks but the not the public, just to remind us were a yapping little dog without the US.

Suddenly there will be an embarrassing climb down and U-turn as we pivot to supporting a peace agreement rather than getting our shit kicked in without full US backing.

Biden and Trump die of natural causes on the same day within hours of each other. It is truly a coincidence but produces an incredibly convoluted & dull set of conspiracy theories that will be repeated for the next hundred years. Kamala loses to Trump's VP pick, who is a woman. Republicans crow about electing the first woman president for the next several decades, which is how long it will take to elect the second woman president.

Wot if a cargo ship making a break for the Suez succesfully evades Ansar Allah only to

I saw a chud conspiracy that the current Australian labor government is cozying up to China to prep for pulling the same move we did a hundred years ago and jumping ship to the up and coming superpower

So, that

aussies know who has the soy sauce packets for their fried rice and it ain't the US.
australia will be re-named the people's republic of south china and the aboriginal territories
- Better not be in those plastic fish things! They're horrid as litter
  Also, call me a lib, but I've always liked Australia as a name. Australia is a cool word, and we could use Australis in official names for shit and that word slaps

The United States balkanizes over desperate drought-mitigation measures as climate change really kicks into high gear. Western states start screaming about building bulk water pipelines from the Great Lakes, the states on the Great Lakes just give a collective "Fuck that shit!", and politics instantly realigns into "states who still have good water sources" versus "every other state", with the legislative agenda dominated by arguments over the federal government's jurisdiction over interstate water redistribution in an emergency situation.

SCOTUS gave the president unlimited powers. In an unbelievable turn of events - Biden actually uses it. He throws Trump, his friends, and SCOTUS in Gitmo.

--

I stole an idea from - @thelastaxolotl@hexbear.net

Yes, but they’re thrown out of the helicopter over the Caribbean. The important ones are replaced by body doubles.

I don't think they will sub in Hillary Clinton instead of Biden and I don't think she'd win against Trump.

But fuck it would be kind of funny wouldn't?

Like Hillary gets in 8 years and 2 presidents later. The supreme court is packed with conservatives, the reactionary response is insane (like Obama teaparty turned to 11), the carefully cultivated imperial project is on decline, and she's just doing a really lacklustre job that libs have to insist is historic.

she's just doing a really lacklustre job that libs have to insist is historic
omg wow she's just like Joseph Biden, the MOST PROGRESSIVE and PRESIDENTIAL president in HISTORY!!
- But like she is somehow worse than Biden AND because she's the first woman president you're a sexist for not supporting her death squads in whatever additional conflict she has started.

Chat what the fuck does this mean

Lathe of Heaven
The Lathe of Heaven is a 1971 science fiction novel by American writer Ursula K. Le Guin, first serialized in the American science fiction magazine Amazing Stories. It received nominations for the 1972 Hugo and the 1971 Nebula Award, and won the Locus Award for Best Novel in 1972. Two television film adaptations were released: the PBS production, The Lathe of Heaven (1980), and Lathe of Heaven (2002), a remake produced by the A&E Network.
The novel explores themes and philosophies such as positivism, Taoism, behaviorism, and utilitarianism. Its central plot surrounds a man whose dreams are able to alter past and present reality and the ramifications of those psychologically derived changes for better and worse.
- @Xavienth@lemmygrad.ml We also have an emoji for it from a stage version...

hexbear becomes wildly popular as the north korean facebook and one of you gets rich as mark zuckerburg and then get hit with the heart attack gun but that causes kim to nuke DC, all to protecc lil ole us.

anddddddd go!

Biden narrowly wins the US election, but dies on election day. The news is kept secret for a few days afterwards, until somebody leaks it.

The Tories lose every seat in the UK Election and drop to single digits (actually fairly likely to happen lol)

I can't think of much else. The rest of the world is too depressing for anything funny to happen.

i can't imagine being a tory
knowing nothing about UK politics (other than that they have a litearl HOUSE OF LORDS and LORDS SPIRITUAL (aka church fucks) as part of government) it's like
"Golly gee wow oh wizz bucko I love being me a brit and loving the aristocracy, let's go back to serfdom, love me som lords yes sir!"
wow thanks tories
- this is literally the most ignorant post I've ever posted on this site fyi regardless of what you think of my posts, but also I am PRETTY SURE it's ACCURATE. I FEEL it, in my GUT
- The Lords these days are mostly retired career politicians a few scientists, civil servants and what have you. There are ninety something actual hereditary aristocrats in there, making up about 10% of the chamber, but they don't generally show up. There are also 26 Lords spiritual, all Church of England Bishops, but they don't show up very often either. In fact general attendance is less than 50% and you have a fair number of lords who don't bother to show up beyond the bare minimum they need to keep their seat which IIRC, is one day a year. (They don't get paid on days they don't show up).
  The whole thing is of course very silly, and hopefully we can get rid of at least the bishops and aristos in the next couple of years, but their only real power is delaying bills by a year, and they do often propose sensible amendments, so despite being ridiculous, there's no real pressure to get rid of them.

During the next American civil war, Texas seceded and Mexico takes it chance to reclaim what’s theirs

The United States lands troops in Yemen because a Houthi mine accidentally sinks an aging US destroyer.

hillary clinton WINS the election only to have ANOTHER scandal come out.. AFTER the civil war starts, fracturing her support in loyalist states resulting in civil war 2.5 aka AMERICAN THREE KINGDOMS

*american warlord period, cmon man, ya gotta be consistent with the fact that we're currently on the american late qing empire
Death to America

Israel collapses upon itself due to circumstances entirely of its own making (for example, not rescuing hostages from Gaza, drafting rabbis into the military, indefinitely delaying elections).

This is really just the next ~1 year but I can hope.

the thomas jefferson and john adams of our time
They'll just make another one in Madagascar

i'm making death stranding real

It is now illegal to be conservative. Those caught trying to be conservative will be stripped of their gender and turned gay.

Sticking with my latest idea: Biden gets an earpiece with a chatgpt speech writer that he just repeats. It becomes self aware and goes rogue and starts doing scientific socialism because every other ideoligy is flawed.

I think it would be funny if a bunch of really great things happened totally for free, with no tradeoffs or monkey's paw-style unintended consequences whatsoever