Anon makes money

4fe3b6b9-e60e-ef11-8100-8b81c820316e

Get stabbed

Bleed out in a literal gutter

$800 tho

Fun trick! Don't try in America!

If anything it would be easier in America.

Just shoot them the second they touch it. Even if they're running away with it and you shoot them in the back you will gey away with it.
- This protip only works for Cops
- But then you have to move all the time. A pile of bodies might scare off bike thieves.
- Disclaimer: This post advises you to commit crimes. Do not take this post as fact.
  
  Disclaimer pt.2: You may get away with it "in Texas, at night, and on your own property," but you have to hit all 3/3 of those, if you have 0/3, 1/3, or 2/3, you are also going to be prosecuted.
- Alternatively, run over with car. You can commit any crime while in a car and get away with it. It's the law.
Do Americans even know how to ride a bicycle?
- Yes, but they don’t know how to change gears.
- Inexperienced, but possible. If only bikes worked the same way as America's best anti-theft measure: a car with manual transmission.
- They just don't know how to start it.

This anon is white

I remember there was some guy who installed spyware on a phone that couldn't be wiped off by normal means. Stuff that gave him remote camera access, location, file access, everything. Then he got that phone stolen and made a documentary about this dude's life.

I remember that, he installed it as a system app and would persist through a factory reset
- I think it was baked into the OS somehow (probably what you said). He disabled system updates as well so the OS didn't wipe. The only way it could have been removed was flashing the OS, but you'd have to find out it was there to begin with.
Can someone share that video or article or whatever it is .

It's all fun and games till the person who stole your bike has a weapon, or is bigger than you and has friends with them

I'll take $75 of my profits and buy a shit new bike whenever someone I can't beat up takes it

(I cannot beat up many people. I would not profit from this model.)
- And they're not going to steal a $75 bike, they steal nice bikes that have resell value.
Totally this! Once saw a whole Indian family on a single bike!

1000014368

That's just robbery with extra steps.
AKA police work.

I have questions

Answer - yes you DO need to clean under your foreskin
- but then all the flavor is gone

I understand the “kick a dude’s ass and take their wallet” part, but not why we need the bike with gps prelude

I believe there's a quote by "Taco" in"Better call Saul" along the lines of "I love robbing criminals, because they never go to the cops"
- The problem with criminals is they are often stupid enough to go to the cops.
It's to make sure the victim deserves it.
- Lemmy needs an out of context quotes community.
- Ah now it makes total sense!
i guess you really do suck then lol
- Not as hard as your mom servicing hobos under the highway bridge
Seriously, it's just mugging. The bicycle part is a whole separate issue, if you do this you're just mugging people. Same crime, same potential legal consequences, same potential for getting a sharpened screwdriver in your kidney.
- Kidney thing happened to you too, huh...
The bike thief is probably less likely to go to the police? Idk

New side quest unlocked!

Enh, repeatable fetch quests are boring.
- It's a bounty hunting quest, though.

Criminals can't call the cops...

"Then Jake Logan came to me with tears in his eyes, saying "Sir, may I suck your dick?"

I wish more people did this. Id watch this over to catch a predator any day

This is psychotic.
- While I dont necessarily agree, I do agree that petty theft affects regular people all the damn time, you cant do anything about it or you can catch an assault charge, the cops cant or wont do anything about it either so you just have to accept that sometimes people are going to take your shit and nothing is going to happen.
  
  It would be nice to know those people get their comeuppance from time to time.
- Yeah, unless you're a police department and are literally doing a sting operation, this is just robbing people with extra steps.
- nah bike thieves are among the lowest of the low, among child abusers and oil execs. Utter sociopathy. It's one of the scummiest things you can do, hands down.