What is your deepest desire right now?

Walking again would be nice.

Oh bro I'm sorry
I take my wish back and instead wish you get to walk again too
- Thanks. It's been three years and I miss it. I'll be pretty happy just to get back to hobbling with a cane.
  ....I think we both have a long ways to go until retirement. Maybe a career change is in order?

To be happy. Depression is hell.

I'm sorry to hear that my guy
Honestly same.
I just want to be happy (◞‸◟)
The first step to happiness is to have hope. Think about a lifelong dream of your's, and then form a plan on how to achieve it.
- I'm all for hope, but clinical depression is lifelong. There's always going to be ups and extreme downs. Stating that happiness is an end stage that people with clinical depression can reach and maintain isn't realistic.

To retire. I'm not even 40 yet but I dread going to work every morning. I don't even hate my work - I just don't feel like even the relatively good salary I get is enough to compensate for the lost time.

I think I know what you mean. I've hit a phase where time spent at work feels like wasted time, since it's not time I got to spend doing something I wanted to be doing. Which is really contrary to the usual philosophy that time not spent money is wasted.
I've switched jobs gone back to school etc, but no matter what once something becomes a mandatory routine that time feels like a waste. I'm starting to really value and cherish the seconds I actually have control over.
- This feeling gets worse when you realize that the time we have is a limited, non-renovating and exhaustible resource. We give this away for money over and over until we run out. Depressing as fuck.
I took 9 months off work (well kinda I did some freelance shit but I mostly got to not work). I did eventually get bored but it took 6 of those 9 months to actually get bored lol. It may have been different if I had enough money to do whatever I wanted but, I had enough to survive.
- I had a year long paid leave and that confirmed for me that my sense of meaning is in no way tied to my work.
Yeah. I don't necessarily even want to retire right now, it's more that hanging axe feeling that I'm never going to be able to, between decreasing purchasing power and increasing age requirements for retirement benefits. Makes it hard to get motivated to work knowing I'm going to have to keep doing it until I'm in my grave.

To be born a woman but since that's not possible it would be that my transition works fast and well.

Socialism and stability. I want to persue my passions without needing to devote half of my waking hours to a job (which all are incredibly mentally draining for me), and without fear of not having my basic needs met, and I want everyone else to have the same opportunity. A job should be supplimental if people choose to work, which many will, as they feel it gives them purpose.

A post-scarcity society and the death of corruption would be cool too.

Yeah it's always strange to me that most people are working class yet most people are so allergic to the idea of socialism, thanks Russia
- P r o p a g a n d a
  Also the history of centralized control over industry hasn't worked out too well. I'm more of the Richard Wolff philosophy of democracy over the workplace, along with a very strong social safety net, including, but not limited to a UBI that is enough for people to comfortably live on.
- Huummm… thanks Russia? And not the CIA? Why would Russia be responsible for people hating socialism?

For the world to be un-fucked -- the ultra-wealthy (and system as a whole) giving a damn about people, the climate, etc. There are many other things I want, but if I could have anything, this would be it.

Live in a country where I can legally marry my boyfriend, have a little nice place and not be bothered by people.

That my country would stop being so god damn stupid.

Can I ask what country?
- Sweden
Yeah me too, stupid god damn country
- Why?
Sigh 😮‍💨, same.... in Philippines.

To go back to sleep for another few hours

I want to go to sleep

For how long?
- Until I wake up naturally instead of by an alarm clock or a cat attacking my toes

Moving on with my life.

I'm near the end of my PhD. I've been at this lab for 5 years, as I joined before beginning my PhD, and I've been at the same university for 11ish years since I started my bachelor's. I deliver my thesis in April if all goes well, and can't wait to see what life has in store for me elsewhere.

I love most of my coworkers, but a few drive me nuts (and everyone else, too, and I tend to be a good mediator so I always end up in a position where I'm the only one who tries to help the troublesome guys). My main supervisor moved to another country a few years ago, and the one that took me in (the only other person with PhD students in the whole lab) hates my project (she has explicitly said so) and can't wait to get me to work on what everyone else is working on. Meanwhile my other supervisor (the one that moved) has recommended that I let go of the few responsibilities I had in this lab (apart from my project), which is a good decision, but has made me feel like I no longer belong here. Since I'm also retracting a bit to work on some papers, I feel increasingly isolated even though I love my coworkers.

Can't wait to finally get this over with and have an actual career in a lab where people don't hate my project, or even an industry job where I can feel like I actually make a difference. I'm also a bit fed up with the conditions in my country and would like to try moving somewhere where nanotech is actually in demand, like the Netherlands or something. Maybe I'll even risk a dramatic move to Asia!

Get a Japanese wife 😏
- Not the answer I was expecting, but I did come out of a break up recently so whatever life has in store for me I guess
Are you also read as female? Because then your boss might just feel that you steal her show. Academia is highly competitive for women and maybe you can try to mitigate that by finding out what you can do to get on her sunny side.
In my experience if people hate (very strong word!) projects at work, it's usually rather the case that they're unhappy with their own work and project this jealousy onto others.
Usually happens within the same gender, or between people who identify as binary against enbies.
- I'm sorry, I am fully male-presenting (and was assigned male at birth - which is relevant as my boss is super conservative and would not tolerate a trans person in her office. The LGBTQ lay low here).
  My supervisor, however, IS read as female, and I fully suspect that she is who my boss has a problem with. Especially after she left, as my boss saw this as a personal betrayal of sorts. And since my own project is inexorably linked to my supervisor, I get these reactions by association.

I just wanna like chill with no responsibilities or overhead for a bit

I keep thinking about how retirement is only.... 30 years away. Yup. Only 30 more years then I get a few where I don't have to do the mundane drudgery.

Hug from someone who cares ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

I don't know why but this one make me cry... I think i also meed a hug ༼⁠ ⁠つ⁠ ⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠ ⁠༽⁠つ
Yeah me too

To be loved.

Social cues are a bitch.

Yes, yes they are

To not have to work another day in my life. Sure I could say to be excessively wealthy but I'm happy with satisfying basic needs and living in my simple home. All I want is to be able to wake up every day without the crushing burden of having to keep a job that keeps the spectre of starvation and homelessness away for another few days.

Cuddles are pretty nice, you should join AA lol we share a tonne of cuddles

Boyfriend

Same. Feels hopeless sometimes.

I want to be happy.

Came here to say something similar. Currently hating life and fantasizing how I'd quit my job and burn this bridge

A cure for my arthritis, I'm tired of it and it's fucking uncurable.

I haven't been able to work most of the last two months due to h medication change. Wheees drug roulette. Incidentally, I woke up because prednisone makes sleeping fun.
You're not alone, though I'd take deletion over a cure at this point.

I want to live my life as I want it

Sadly, capitalism doesn't agree

"Hey everyone, let's build a system where we spend the vast majority of our time working for others so we can make enough money to just get by and occasionally have a vacation!"
In retrospect, this was not a great plan.

To stop doom scrolling, get off this toilet and to bed

Hello, are you in bed yet?

Love. But, it takes time.

Some freakin lotion dude my hands have alligator skin rn fr

Stability. Life has been so tumultuous this past year and I just want things to level out.

For my husband and I to experience even just one day without back pain. It’s debilitating.

Sleep on the floor, assuming your mattress is trash.
You probably won't sleep well, and your back is going to scream when you get up in the morning because you're trying to sleep on a firm surface the way you sleep on a plush bed, but the pain will dissipate shortly thereafter.
- We don't know what causes their sore back though.
  I used to have years of chronic back pain, sleeping on hard floor did not help. Chiropractor didn't either.
  I had a few sessions of japanese muscle and bone allignment treatment and that healed me. That was nearly 10 years ago now.

To find somebody to love and that would reciprocate that love.

I had it at one point in time with 2 people, but they passed away 2 days apart from each other.

I hope to be able to find love like that again.

I'm sorry brother (or sister)

To escape this person who I was born as, and who they've become. To find some peace, some tranquility, and devote my life to that. To feel something good without the depression radiating from the background.

To be home, with my wife.

The problem with finding a perfect person, is having to spend time away from them.

Someone said to me the other day when I shared about a similar feeling with them
Having to spend time apart gives you both time how much you miss each other and cherish the time you spend with another

To have a programming job. I just got a bachelors degree for it and the job hunt is depressing.

Runner up: to know what I want. I have no idea what I want or how to proceed, except get a job.

A motorcycle. A fucking Motorcycle? A motorcycle. Huh.

This is so ridiculous, never in my life before have even been remotely interested in owning or riding a motorcycle.

I don't know what's changed in the past couple of months, but I have this newfound adoration of the machinery and engineering in bikes; the minutia of deliberate and considered intent involved in their design is fascinating to me, in a way cars never have been. For the first time in my life I'm learning about vehicular construction, maintenance, and and performance; because it's finally interesting to me. They way various mechanical components work in tandem to perform what is an objectively ludicrous and exhilarating experience, in sometimes impossible terrain

Not to mention a fascination with traveling the lost highways of America; instilled in no small part from watching Mr. Noah gervais' remarkable travel videos in which his nostalgic observations about a way of life that doesn't exist anymore shines across a canvas of the most some of the most beautiful landscapes and forgotten stories hidden in plain sight by a society that is hurdling towards a dystopic privatized hellscape wherein genuine experience is abandoned for superficiality and serfdom. https://youtube.com/@broadcaststsatic

I've discovered I have a deep yearning to explore the world around me, and to journey across the horizon to all the places I haven't seen. Without barriers or filters, to step outside the artificial social constructs that dictate so much of our life decisions and see what they've painted over.

A lot of romanticized bullshit for the fastest way to die on two wheels I guess; but that's what the idea of a bike feels to me. Looking to schedule an MSF class this weekend.

I had a difficult relationship with my father. We got closer in his last years and spent more time with each other. Every once in a while he would ask what I thought about getting a license so we could ride together. Naaah, I would always answer. Too expensive, the family and kids, yada yada.
Then he got sick and couldn't ride anymore. Every so often he asked me if I'd like to have his bike. It was a hideous red BMW K75 from the 80's. And I would answer, naaah, the family and kids, too expensive, yada yada.
For a few years now, that BMW K75 is stood in our garage, reminding me of what could have been. I always pushed the thought back, there was always something more important to do. But a few weeks ago, I just said fuck it and enrolled in classes. Got a helmet, jacket and everything last week and am so excited I'm finally starting!
Where we come from might be different - but I think I understand how you feel. Hope you're able to get riding soon!
I like where your head is at, brother.
I need to go and take part in some zen and the art of motorcycle mechanics and get this beast back on the road.

I would like to know how it feels to be competent at a job - any job. In my four decades on this earth I still haven't managed to find out what I want to be when I grow up. I've had many jobs over the years but never ever felt like I was decent at any of them. They're usually the kinds of jobs people don't want to do so I'm decently job-secure despite my ineptitude.

I just want to say that paid employment doesn't need to be what defines you. A lot of people never 'find their passion' or 'follow their dream'. It's very ok to just work for money. You don't need to be a superstar at work. You can just enjoy the paycheck part of the job. Just do something to make money, that's fine. You probably underestimate the value of just showing up regularly, even if you think the quality of your work is below what you want, literally just showing up on time and doing the job is putting you ahead of at least half the people who do those jobs.
- Thanks for your kind words! Very much appreciated. I do struggle with self esteem and valuing myself but this is more about feeling competent than confident. I don't need to be the best in my field or anything, but it'd be nice to have contributed at least something worthwhile other than just the everyday grind.
Ever heard about the Dunning-Kruger effect?
- Sure, and impostor syndrome. But both of those are supposed to be transient, and people eventually ease into their roles and lose their doubts about their abilities. That never happened to me. I've also never stuck around anywhere long enough to get promoted above rank and file so I don't have a single worthwhile achievement to put on my CV for prospective future employers.
  On top of that, I'm fairly sure my current job will not even exist in a year or 5 due to AI, so I'm already looking for a completely different alternative/field unrelated to my current one.

A job and a decent earning.

A work-life balance honestly. I've been working 12s every day this year and I'm missing out on my hobbies and my family. Financially I'm fine, but I'm gearing up for an early retirement so I don't know if I can slow down now. So hard to make time for things I actually enjoy now. Basically just want to hit that balance so I have a fulfilling life.

Without knowing the background: that sounds very dangerous. What's the point of early retirement if you're completely worn out?
- Well a lot of the time those 12 hr shifts are involuntary. I work in a manufacturing plant and they basically dictate your life. Shiftwork is killer too
- To retire early and then take a nap.

Gummi bears.

To retire or change my job. If you want to get into IT, never become a sysadmin if you don't absolutely love your job. I'm overqualified and with every day I do sneaker admin stuff, I stray further from the actual prestigious software engineering job I wanted in the first place.

I moved from IT to software engineering. My deepest desire is also to retire or change my job. lol
Honestly, I just want to work on whatever I want to work on. I'm so tired of building other peoples' bullshit. I miss enjoying this work.
- I moved from IT to software engineering. My deepest desire is also to retire or change my job. lol
  Grass is always greener on the retirement side.
  Same, same.

Achievable desire? To finally be in a stable place in my life so I can be together with the people I love, and finally have friends again. Might be bisexual, and my wife is totally open to a polyamorous relationship for me to figure that out, so tbh finding that out and maybe gaining a long term boyfriend is also high on my list of desires.

Unachievable though? I want to miraculously recover from all my disabilities and health conditions so I can finally be normal. I want to stop relying on meds to keep me from turning into a batshit crazy nutcase every time I miss even a single dose. Or at least be able to take those meds every night without issue because of my damaged throat refusing to swallow nearly anything I put in my mouth except the most miniscule pills without choking and vomiting them back up. And I want to be able to operate my muscles like a normal person again, something which my meds have thoroughly fucked with, with nothing helping in the slightest. I straight up can't even move my legs if my cat's on top of them. He weighs barely 10 lbs. Plus I get sick constantly even when nobody around me is and nobody knows why. Last month alone I got sick about 6 times. I was only feeling relatively ok for about 3 days total.

The good news, I guess, is every single one of my more achievable goals are well in sight. Just a few months ago they'd all be buried deep in with the unachievable ones, so things are improving little by little.

Things have certainly vastly improved since about 3 years ago, when I couldn't even will myself out of bed. So as whiney as I sound, I'm actually quite happy with where I am and where I'm going.

Here's to getting all those achievable goals!
On the pill front, is it possible to crush them and mix with something more easily swallowable?
- Some of them I can, and do. Others aren't crushable. With my doctors help I was able to get all the most important pills to be either crushable or dissolvable, and the rest are really small. Usually I've been able to get through them fine lately, but there have been nights I had to skip anything I had to swallow because I couldn't get them down.
  Actually, it does occur to me that I was offered one of my meds in liquid form and rejected it once because it tastes awful and the pills were already small. I should probably ask for that so I have a little less to swallow every night.

Sleep, uninterrupted sleep.

Just lay on my bed all day browsing the internet. I hope I could have such a life

Who are you, Lucifer? Whatever it is I want I'm not trading my soul for it, sorry.

Bruv I think I might. My soul doesn’t have a shitty back, I’d understand.

For my first subproject to finish coming together. It's so exciting I often can't sit still and focus on it. It's a new kind of 3d modeling tool for a virtual world platform I am working on. It's the heart of the entire project and it has given off clear signs of life. It feels like holding the detonator that will blow a hole in reality and not exactly knowing what's on the other side. It has taken endless resolve to get here.

That's amazing good on you mate!!

I'd like to know what to do next. I'm at a juncture in my career - my current gig is dragging me down, and I think I kinda maneuvered myself into a disadvantageous position.

Since forever, I've been a developer, sometimes leading small teams, sometimes working in committees on data interchange formats for the industry sector. Two years ago, I had the opportunity for a position as enterprise architect in a large corporation. Truth is, I still just have theoretical knowledge of what I'm supposed to be doing and feel like I'm floundering pretty bad. And corporate life is sucking out the joy in my life - so much time spent asking around what to do to adhere to process. But on the other hand, I am doing quite well financially.

Building things gives me joy - even if it's just doing a little optimization to shave off a few milliseconds off a database request. Sitting in meetings and going over spreadsheets is not joyful. It's been so long since I've been in the zone editing code. Generally, it's been about 3 years since I've been coding. I've been considering going back, but I have no idea how to spin it in interviews - and my coding skills are dead.

Your coding skills are not dead. I have been in dev since the late 90s and find myself managing a few dev teams (some have a manager that "reports" to me, some are herds of cats and I just try to explain their behaviour to others). I regularly find myself in meetings where "why isn't this done yet" is the topic and the developer is stuck on a technical issue. Despite not even being that fluent in a particular language I can often point out things they should do or two that lead to determining the root cause. I'm also often in conversations about optimizing systems.
That sort of thinking is programming. Typing instructions into an editor is probably the least interesting part of the job.
At your level, you can make deep and broad impacts by designing systems that work, are easy to integrate with, run smoothly, etc. You can empower and inspire tons of people.
Yes, meetings can suck and the report I'm currently working on feels like an exercise in futility, but there's so much more to the job.
- The level I'm at right now is so abstract that I hardly ever even see the applications themselves or have contact with the developing teams. When I am dealing with an application, it's just an acronym supporting a list of business capabilities. Any effect I could have is extremely intangible.
  I'm aware of the fact that this is just like developing software but on a very, very high level. And I thought I would like it, and I hoped it would get better after I acclimatized to the company. But I'm realizing I am uncomfortable with the level of abstraction, and that I hate corporate politics.
  Something else - if you've ever had imposter syndrome as a developer, imagine what it's like as an enterprise architect!

Eat something healthy.

Resign and start to do some wild freelancer work where almost every day is different

If only there was a freelance job as drugtester, that would be pretty wild lol

To finally propose to my girlfriend. Bad family circumstances have stopped that as of late, but I'd like to not worry anymore about it and just move on with my damn life...

To be calm. I'm in a constant state of panic. I don't know what to do because the pills aren't really working... I have awfully bad anxiety.

I hope this doesn't come across as patronizing but have you tried vipassana or a similar style of meditation? My wife had really severe anxiety and she found this to be the thing that helped her the most.
- Interesting. I'll have to take a look at that!

To be better with my money. I have no idea why it's so hard for me to save.

What have you tried so far?
Save in not-that-fungible stuff, like gold. I guarantee you won't spend it

To make something of myself. I had a decent paying job that I recently quit because I felt it was a waste of my time and skills. I'm passionate and I want to learn to grow.

To tell my friend that I love her

To get a job I want.

But, right right right now, my desire is that my computer doesn't get herpes after I finish downloading this thing

What are you downloading?

To have a good manager and better support at work. It would make my job much more engaging and I'd be more productive too.

crack

Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/tqQiivfcrHU?t=24s
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I'm open-source, check me out at GitHub.

For my worldbuilding and writing to take off. I want to animate the history of my world, and it's something I want to do full time, but it's a lot of money + time investment. Also live somewhere that I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder. Shit neighbors suck.

What cool and creative desire, that's inspiring I hope you find a way to do it! And share it!

getting taller and taller, i mean im already tall but I want more height

How high are you?
- 5'10'' (that's super tall in my country)

For the girl I was really into to come back so I could talk to her one last time.

Sleep

To have enough money where i can live comfortably on the interest