How should I handle an ex friend who feels like he needs to bully me to raise his own self esteem? (We're adults)

The best way to get back at someone is to have a great life. Ignore him and block him, and carry on with your great life.

He’s obviously insecure, fragile, and arrogant. Move on - you’ll never win anything by stopping to his level, and you’ll never convince him to change his ways by putting him in his place. The older you get, the more you realize quickly people just aren’t worth your time.

When you see him next, just ignore him. When he gossips about you to his brother or your friends in an attempt to get a rise out of you, laugh and ignore him.

Have a great life, and fuck that guy.

I'm actually an engineer at [company name]

Bro it's petty revenge time. [Company name] needs to see these messages and asked if this is representative of their company values.

Like, what the hell did I do to deserve that? I don’t know why I let it even bother me because of how obviously immature he is being.

Odds are that you did nothing. He's clearly an emotional vulture, he probably does it towards everyone around him.

I don't recommend framing it as immaturity, as it might give you the false hope that he'll "grow up" and get better over time. Perhaps he gets better, but odds are that he won't.

Some people might say "let it go", or "vengeance is never good, it kills the soul and poisons it". I'm almost 40 and I got something to say about this pacifist discourse:

Screw this masochistic shit. When you turn the other face you are not saying "I'm better than him"; you're saying "he's right in treating me as trash, as I am trash". You want to ruin his life and make him regret existing.

So, here's what I'd do:

• Document every single time that he contacts you, including the contents. Record calls, save e-mails, take screenshots.
• He's likely doing this with other people too, contact them. Former friends and any ex-SO are a good start. Ideally they should do the same as you (document it) and you should act in unison. Do not let him notice that you're acting together though, be as stealthy as possible.

I couldn’t take it anymore, so I blocked him on everything I could think of. [...] This quote was a part of what he commented on my Instagram picture of one of my tools yesterday:

That's actually great for you. It means that he kept contacting you after showed clear desire to not be contacted further. Depending on the local laws this gives you grounds for legal action.

And since the guy is a fucking idiot flaunting the fact that he's an engineer, you might also contact his business. Be polite towards them, but highlight the fact that one of their employees is harassing you. Even if he doesn't get fired, it'll put him in a poor position later on.

He deserves to be put in his place. I don’t know if that’s possible though without me becoming just as petty as he is.

The difference between "being petty" and "standing your ground" is why. You are in a position to screw him up without being petty.

You'll also want to ruin the psychological "kick" that he gets from harassing you. Ignoring him on the surface (while documenting it) is a good approach, because he'll feel unsatisfied but he'll try a bit harder.

Also shield yourself psychologically. Remember - you are not the problem, he is the problem.

Vengeance is not a dish to be served cold. You warm it in the blood of your enemies.

"I'm still friends with his brother, so it's impossible for me to completely block him out from my life unfortunately."

No, it is possible. If you happen to lose his brother as a friend then that's an unfortunate consequence.

Life's too short to have to deal with assholes like that. Not worth your limited time on this planet. Find new friends.

This man is NOT your friend, and even if he is, it's not your responsibility to fix him and solve his problems, or even "put him in his place". Otherwise, as you've realized, he will drag you down to his level and make you as cynical and miserable as he is.

You should put whatever you had with him behind you at this point and try not to interact with him in the future, and if you are put into a situation where you have to interact with him, use the "grey rock" strategy and be as boring as possible.

Is the sudden personality change as drastic as it reads?

Sudden switches like that could be a sign of a serious medical condition, mid 20s is I believe a common age for these things to kick in too.

I'd talk to the brother about it coming from an angle of concern.

"friend" - you keep using this word. I don't think it means what you think it means.

Dude this shithead isn't your friend. I have enemies who have more respect for me than this guy does for you..

Dump this dick

This situation sounds like what restraining orders are designed to help with. IANAL, but restraining orders generally cover all types of communication, including social media. Showing that he has continued to harass you even after blocking him is good reason.

"You should stop posting these online, it's really embarrassing because your [tool name] is such a failure. I should redesign all of it for you because I'm actually an engineer at [company name] and have a lot more experience. I could actually do it right, unlike you. I just might help you if you ask me nicely."

Out if curiosity, have you ever tried calling his bluff? Reply with how would he improve it by saying any constructive criticism is appreciated. Something like

Do you have any recommendations on how to improve it. Looking to make as good as I can.

Depending on how you're feeling, you could incorporate tagging their company. Use the same language they used. Something like

I'd love any constructive criticism from an actual engineer from @company

That said, it seems like the time to reply like that has past and it's best to ignore/block him at this point.

Anybody who says "I might just help if you ask me nicely" deserves to be cut out of your life completely.

Something similar happened to me just last month with the person I called my "best friend".

He had been having personal issues for the past year that he can't figure out on his own, but he's generally someone who can't honestly take responsibility for himself and regards his opinion as the word of god, basically.

He has been putting me down often in the past, even though he said he "always looked up for me for the peace I found". I never really cared much for those words of his because I knew they came from a place of deep hurt.

However, he has not apologized once and at some point I started asking myself why I was calling this person my (best) friend. Well, after his last lashing out I just gave up and cut contact. I was trying a lot to help and understand him, but how do you help someone who went to 4 different therapists and called them all incompetent?

You don't. They have to figure out that they don't live in reality themselves, and I was not going to tolerate his disrespect anymore - I have enough other friends who treat me well, and my life honestly has not changed at all. He is not an interesting person anyway, all he can talk about are games, his pain and his delusions.

So what I'm trying to say is - cut your losses. This person, for whatever reason, does not want to gove you the respect you deserve, and that is alright. There are a lot of others who will, and those are the people you should put your energy into.

fuck this moron, drive on with your life, he's a bucket of nuclear waste

This guy sounds like a text book narcissist. The worst thing you can do is tell a narcissist they are a narcissist. It will do nothing and will only make them double down. The best thing you can do is cut them out of your life.

I had a similar situation when I was in my 20s. Friend I had that I've known since highschool would always make remarks about how I got so lucky with my job. Because I was making decent money (more than him) without a degree and he was an engineer. It didn't matter that I worked my ass off and put in thousands of hours, I was lucky.

If I would ever push back or say something he would just double down. I couldn't bring up the fact that I didn't have parents that paid for everything while I was in school, so I had to work and go to college at the same time. I finally realized that was just the way he was going to be, so I limited contact with him. However, his comments never went as far as what you are describing. So, I think you're doing the right thing by just blocking him.

I highly recommend reading the book Emotional Vampires. It teaches you about the different personality types you'll run into in the working world and how to deal with each type (when you can't just avoid them). I wish I had read it 20 years ago.

Just walk away. Block him any place he contacts you and don't give him another thought. Why does he get to live rent free in your head? Evict him.

I mean… fuck both of you is my reaction to this. You’re committing academic fraud and he’s an asshole.

I'd say you got it down. Just keep blocking and avoiding. At least now you know he's not your friend, so you won't walk into any incidental interactions thinking otherwise.

He was like this inside from the beginning. He didnt change just the inside got outside.

So he was always a d**k head. They can do anythyng because the law allow them. Dont let him step on you.

Tell him to stfu and to stop talking to you. He clearly hasn't gotten the message across. The solution to bullying is really just be aggressive back until they fuck off.

The good advice is to just move on. The petty advice is to screenshot all of his bullshit where he flaunts the company he works for as well as whatever other unsavory bits he's posted and report it to his employers HR team. Just an idea, you could also bang his mom

Send his comments to his employer. He's representing their business in this manner, they should know. Maybe post it on social and tag the company

What I would have done is reply on that comment where he mentioned he works for X pinging the handle of that company on the social media asking if all of their employees harass people online, that way they're forced to do something about it because it becomes public. If they don't act on it people looking for their handle might end up finding your answer and that might dissuade people from doing business with them.

Fuck his mom and/or dad..or just beat his face in one day out of nowhere and walk away

Send a glitter bomb to his office.

Are you sure you were ever friends? I wouldn't treat my worst enemy that way.

I'd just straight up tell him to leave you the fuck alone.

Not like you should report him to his job, but just like cheating on people's homework, it's bad branding and potentially illegal for a company to represent itself for hiring like this.

If HR found out he was soliciting for resumes but also telling people they weren't good enough for roles at the company.... They'd not be happy.

I second the person who says you need to bring this public behavior to the attention of his employer.

He reported you for misconduct and the sword of damocles swings both ways.

Last year, he reported me to the college because I was doing students’ homework for them for some extra cash. He said that what I was doing was depreciating his Diploma. I guess I get it, but what kind of friend would try to get me in trouble for something as harmless as doing people’s homework?

One who believed that you had already betrayed him, apparently. That's not an excuse for ongoing harassment, though.

In many academic institutions, including some of the highest reputed engineering schools, your former friend would have been considered equally guilty if he failed to report your academic dishonesty. Asking you to quit cheating would not be an acceptable alternative; that would be concealing your violation.

Dude is still being a harasser, which is also unacceptable conduct. Two wrongs don't make a right. But you're still pretending you did nothing wrong. That's not super great either.

this poor dude is just jealous and fearful of your natural mojo

Ignore him. Narcissists really hate that.

Nonviolence never solved anything

-Mr. Burns

You were commiting fraud. He did nothing wrong by reporting you. Don't want to get reported? Don't commit fraud.

He shouldn't be saying what you wrote. Nobody should be saying something with the intention of being hurtful.

Both of you are wrong. The only thing anyone here deserves is for both of you to stop and move on. Ignore the other person, eventually they'll get the idea.

This is a real bizarre thing for him to do. You are definately in his head. Congrats on that. Did you fuck his girlfriend... Wife... Dog? If not, you should.

I think you know exactly what you should do, you just need a push to do it. When it comes to long relationahips, humans are really shit at having clear thoughts.

Is he maybe autistic?