1d ago

Is it normal for people to ask where you are from online?

I had a couple of new followers in bluesky. A new follower DMed me. He asked how I was, I said I was good. Then he asked where I was from and when I said I prefer not to say, he said he understands and that he wanted to know more about me. I told him my interests and such and didn't give any important information about myself. He too told me about his hobbies. Then he asked about my location once again. When I declined once again he said that he understands "not being cool enough to say where you are from". That was an odd thing to say. I got creeped out and blocked him. Is this normal? Why would anyone want to know about each other's location?

64 comments

I got creeped out and blocked him. Is this normal?
Yes, it is normal that you blocked him.

It was perfectly normal when he asked the first time, but creepy when he asked again. The “not being cool enough” bit was flat out rude.
Not wanting to doxx yourself is more than reasonable, and I’d expect an internet user to understand that. Blocking him was what I would have done, too.
- I think the second ask and comment are suspicious. I can't stand people who act entitled to your information. I'd block them.

A/S/L?
- 14/F/Cali 😂
  
  Your comments are tagged as being from a bot, was that intentional for this joke lol
  
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drv3ZRdbFA4
- That make me feel old lol and bring back some mIRC memory
- American/Sign/Language.
- What does that mean?
  
  Oh sweet summer child
  
  Age/Sex/Location
  
  Yeah - back in the day A/S/L was asked so you had a rough idea of the type of person you were talking (typing) with…
  37/M/India v 15/F/US would give you a very rough idea of the demographic the other person belonged to - and might shape your conversation differently.
  
  awww

a/s/l

Why would anyone want to know about each other’s location?
What an odd thing to ask. Where are you from?
- Lol
- Lol

I get this once in a while during online games, it's normal to want to know where somebody is playing from. I just usually just say my country name. I once had a random teammate who is practically my neighbor, The server crashed before I can take note of his in game name.

Sure, it's also normal to tell them to go fuck themselves though

I ask where people are, so I have a general sense of time zone and I know when to expect to be able to message them when they're awake

I sometimes like to know the general area someone's from (country or state), so I understand the context of their experience or point of view. It's not anything I would push if the person felt uncomfortable sharing. That sounds like a red flag.
- Yeah, there are good reasons to want to know where someone's from, but pushing the issue for no reason with a near stranger is kind of weird.

This sounds like a weird person at best or the prelude to a scam, stalking, or social engineering at worst. You stick with your standards and don't doxx yourself to passive aggressive douchebags, however insistent they may be.

Yeah it's normal, it's one of the first things I ask or get asked when I meet new people online.
It's cool to meet new people from all around the world, so knowing where someone's from is really interesting and gives people stuff to talk about too!
Plus, it's very helpful, because once you know where someone's from you know their timezone, what sort of weather they deal with, you might have some insight into their culture etc to better ensure you don't offend them, or maybe you've visited or love something about their country so again you now have new things to talk about :-D
Anyway yeah, similarly with wanting to know someone's age, location is often one of the first questions we as strangers ask each other in online conversation.
Age is also super useful to know, are we talking to a 12 year old? A 20 year old? A 60 year old? Knowing their age will better inform us of how to have a positive and respectful conversation, it'll inform us of what part of their life there in and thus we can take guesses to their generational cultural norms and interests, if they're likely to have a career, or be married, or if they're likely still in education studying for their masters, etc etc.
You don't need to know an EXACT age, just as you don't need to know an EXACT location, but "I'm in my 20s from England" is a more than appropriate response :-)
Bottom line: Always trust your gut if someone seems weird online (especially if they're pushy for info you're unwilling to share), but don't assume they're weird just because they want to know some basic details like A/S/L 👍
- I'm in my late 30s from Australia, now you don't need to ask. G'day
  
  I remember 9/11, but not the fall of the Berlin Wall. And I was about as far away from both as you can get.

Yea its normal.
Where you from buddy? Catch me outside how 'bout that? /s
But like. Dude. In the past, people could only talk to people nearby. Now, you can just yell at anyone in the entire fucking world.
ANYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! How COOL is that?
What you from?
I'm from Eastern USA, my country currently under hostile enemy occupation. (Save Our Souls pls)

"Not being cool enough to say where you are from" is a weird way for them to phrase it. If they're British, they might be saying it ironically (I use the phrase "well, if you're not cool enough..." as a reference to the old peer-pressure educational videos myself). Otherwise, they might be young, and clumsily trying to peer-pressure you, or old and out-of-touch enough to think that's an effective way to get a young person to give up information.
So, three options. They're either being ironic, clumsy, or creepy. No harm in playing safe and blocking them.
- What if they're not cool enough to block them?

It's a reasonable question but it's unreasonable to insist without providing a reason.

Asking where someone is from is a common bit of information people ask/share during introductions, so it’s normal to be curious about that. It’s also normal to want to maintain privacy online, so don’t let randoms on the internet pressure you into sharing anything you’re not comfortable with.

To me there is nothing wrong with asking or stating what country you are from. Unless you are from a really tiny country it doesn't really matter if you state your country. For example I'm from the US which doesn't tell you anything really about my exact location.
The US is about 3,000 miles across. That doesn't included Hawaii or Alaska. It's about 1,582 miles from top to bottom of the US again not including Hawaii or Alaska.
So my saying I'm from the US doesn't give up much really but it gives people an idea about something about me and my heritage.
- So are you from the east coast, or the west? Statistically you aren't in the middle, and you are more likely from the east as that is the most densely populated. So you are likely in one of ~10 states on the east.
  Still not great for pinpointing, but a toooooooon of the US is a whole lotta nothing. Similar to Aus.
  
  North central part of the US
- I normally expect a country if I ask, but if they are American they usually give me a state straight away.

Depends on what part of the world you come from, where do you live? If you provide your home address I can also read you your horoscope.

It's incredibly to normal to ask someone where they are from, it's just interesting to know. Normally it's just asking the country.
You dont have to answer at all of course, if someone doesnt respect that, then at least you know they arent worth your time.

Since the early days of Facebook, most people have been in roughly two camps: those who share just about anything, and those who share barely anything. Ok, there are also privacy minded people who share nothing at all, but that’s a different story.
People in the first category just love to tell you where they live, how many pets they have, send photos of everything etc. You know, social people. They also expect you the be like them, because that’s how tribalism works. It’s the default setting in the human brain, and disabling or even just limiting that urge takes some some skill and effort.
People in the second category share only a few opinions, but never their location or photos. I think most people on Lemmy are like this.

I mean, it is fine to ask for more details if it can help solve a specific issue, say that you ask a question about tax law, but neglect to add what country you are from, then asking for your location is fine, but just out of the blue, nah.

Like Country or you street address?

Most of my random DMs are some sort of business marketing pitch or slow burn confidence scammer. I wouldn't volunteer any real information about yourself until you get to know them better. And even then, especially the crypto scammers, are willing to do the slow burn because they're going for a larger jackpot of your life savings.
I tell everyone "I have a policy for never doing business with anyone I never met face to face."

Yes.

In the context of the Internet, yes that is a valid question in my opinion. They don't want your literal address, they want to know your nationality. Being from place x generally means you also speak language y and have a cultural background of z.

Personally I only ask after interacting for months, and I only offer mine the same way. By that I mean in positive interactions.
I agree with others that say it might be an awkward way to get to know you
In general though I just don't like to be DM'd unsolicited without me ~~stalking~~ following the account and get to know the vibe
- This is why I just don't do microblogs. I'm just an uninteresting and uninterested specimen of humanity
  So idk why someone would want to randomly know about me through DM

Guy from HK in my DMs trying to get me to video call him.
There are plenty of scammers out there too, but some people are just lonely or curious. They might’ve just recently got internet and the only interaction they’ve had previously is from within their slum.

Blocking out of the blue seems over the top to me. I'd rather just confront him about his behavior and see how he reacts. Maybe he just phrased it weird and didn't mean to come off as creepy.
If not, well, then you know
- Meh. The internet is a large place. Block indiscriminately. There's no reason to have an uncomfortable interaction. OP doesn't owe a random stranger anything let alone an explanation.
  
  Well maybe but if op enjoyed the conversation somewhat, blocking 'indiscriminately' would certainly be out of place
- If you are polite to a potential scammer on the phone or on the internet, you are giving them a chance to persuade you into being scammed. Block at will.
  
  Not blocking does not mean giving away personal information or being scammed. Yes, if people find this a hard thing to do, by all means, block them. But if you're not incompetent and just set your boundaries, there may not be reason for an outright block, that's what I'm saying. Again, it may very well be a slight misunderstanding

64 comments