Christmas pranksters of Lemmy, what are your "joke" gifts this year?

A copy of the Communist manifesto

My parents gave me money for some horseback riding lessons, except the cash was in all 5's and each bill was individually ziploc'd and the bags were taped together in a long strip and I had to pull it out of this box with it all spooled up inside. Apparently it took my stepfather two days to complete. He wanted to do all 2 dollar bills, but the bank didn't have enough

This year, I decided to have a little fun by pranking my father with a "high-tech" Christmas gift. I wrapped up an old, broken remote control, paired it with a random manual for a smart home system, and wrote a letter claiming it was the newest device to control everything in the house with just his voice.

He spent a good 15 minutes trying to figure out how it worked, yelling commands at the remote like “Turn on the lights!” and “Start the coffee maker!” while the family tried not to burst out laughing.

Eventually, I let him in on the joke that in 1998, the Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell in a Cell, and he plummeted sixteen feet through an announcer’s table.

NOOOOOO HOW DID I GET SHITTYMORPHED ON LEMMY
- It's a Christmas miracle
With a name like Mankind I hope he was a kind man

The classic, wrap paper into a large box shape (use a large box as a template if it helps but remove before sealing) then put a small gift inside. Very gently place it where it won't get smashed, preferably after all the other presents have been placed or way at the back. Someone goes to grab it on Christmas morning and the box collapses under the slightest pressure.

Have a huge extended family. Reached out to as many as I could to offer to pay for the publication of 1 extra "family xmas" card of their family's Xmas cards they were guna send out anyway. The 1 extra card I paid for each had me as a +1 in their family Xmas portrait to send to my mom as a prank. I'm a single 37y/o dude who has never bought a xmas tree much less sent out Xmas cards. Started the adventure in the fall. Traveled to 3 states visiting cousins abroad.

The first card that arrived to my parents made it all worth it. It was one with my closest of age cousin and his new minime addition to the family. So my mom thought it was such a well thought out and loving joke that I visited them and did their xmas card portrait with them. Then the next one came and the next and the next and the next and the next...

I'm not say I batted a thousand but I got a very respectable industry share of the 20 something 1st cousins and 49 total 1st cousins and once removed 1st cousins (kids of my 1st cousins). It made my family's holiday season. My mom was in tears laughing telling our Texas relatives what I did. Between that and the retropie I made for my dad, I'm not guna lie, I fucking killed it this year.

I just read your retropie post. Sounds like a really great Christmas this year!
- A good holiday will never come from the gifts you recieve. It only comes from the effort you put into the gifts you give. Your effort you put in will always trump the money you put in from the eyes of whoever is the gift unwrapper.
First off, that's a great gift! Funny yet super wholesome.

Secondly, holy crap you have a lot of cousins!
- Just about 50 on my mom's side and 5 on my dad's side. To anyone else looking in tho you couldn't tell that it wasnt 55ish full blooded siblings. Look, sound and act all alike on my dad's side and on my mom's side we all have our grandma's heart and grandpa's outrageously inappropriate personality and humor.
  
  Worst part tho, we all live in a small town. So you start totalling up the unfuckables like cousin's spouses and all the 2nd and 3rd (just to be safe) cousins... and you arent making it out of middles school without the go to pickup line, "Are you my cousin?"
That's amazing.
This is absolutely hilarious! 69 families, so you did almost half??
- Lol naaaaaa.
  
  Well not naaaa ciz your, "almost half" call is correct but the math is way off hahaha.
  
  It's 49 total cousins between 1st cousins and 1st cousins once removed. Not 69. A first cousin once removed is the technically correct way of describing your 1st cousin's kid's relation to you. I always called them 2nd cousins but a lemmy post from earlier this year taught me the correct term is 1st cousin once removed.
  
  I wanna say I have 27 1st cousins. Those 27 could make a total possible family count of 27 if they were all married with kids. I'd guess the actual number is really more around 18-21 total families. It's hard to count them all when factoring in divorces, adoption/taking in other people's kids etc.
  
  Out of the actual 18-21 families I needed for 100%, mom currently has 9 cards with 2 more I think still in route.
  
  Still, that is so funny tou basically hit the nail on the head swinging blind folded 🤣 thank you for the laugh and Happy holidays, homie!
  
  Edit: the importance of the 1st cousin's once removed bit is because my mom is the youngest of 12. So some of my oldest 1st cousins have kids older than me and the actual 1st cousin is the same age as my mom.
  
  Actually I may have fucked that up. There might be more actual families than what I said because a couple cards were kids, parents, and my actual 1st cousin being the grandma. That was only 2 of the families I photo cameo'ed with tho.

My mom is giving a Ouija board in the white elephant, and the person that opens it and loses it first will find it (an identical one) in their backseat when they leave like its haunting them.

So I don't care much for presents myself and I knew I won't get much if anything. So when I prepared the gifts for the children and the wife I also made two for me, in one I put in a orange and in the other one a banana. The family was surprised and we had a big lough about it and then I ate both :D

I put a bunch of ARBG inside the retrofitted Dell Optiplex computer I gave my brother in law lol, he’s gonna use it for playing old games so it’s a fitting meme. Also installed a low profile graphics card (a GT 1030, could’ve gone for an RX 6400 but it costs 4X what I paid for the machine lol), some more RAM, a second SSD for storage. But the most important part is the ARBG 80mm case fan and 2X LED strips!

I bought my mom a years worth of flowers every month in advance and every note will read “Merry Christmas Mom” every month

A years worth of flowers... So like, two then?
Does this mean they’re all dead?
- Moms? No mine is alive

Last year I got my buddy who's into cars for secret Santa. Along with his real gift, I got him a gag blinker fluid bottle and filled it with fireball lol

That's genius

Puzzle box inside a ammo crate sealed with a variety of nuts inside a foot locker locked with a key i mixed in with 80 others. took a few hours :)

That just sounds like a good time
- She got chocolates along the way, and at the end after she opened the puzzle box she got a 100 dollar gift card to a nice lil' french breakfast place so she was happy that the reward was worth the effort.

Got my dad a bunch of Japanese woodworking tools for Christmas, in the interest of getting him to commit to a retirement hobby
im a staunch atheist
im wrapping two of the saws together in the shape of a crucifix and I’m going to talk about having found the good word of our lord jebus cripes

Atheist try not to tell others challenge, impossible
- I got a LOTR trilogy-length reel of memory flashbacks throughout my life of the religious telling me I need to repent or go to hell. Don't start with your bullshit.
- It was relevant to the joke present and therefore on topic.
- Someone tag the vegan atheist Lemming who uses Arch, btw.

My son insisted on a gift for Dirty Santa that was in a box encased in 8 more boxes, each wrapped beautifully. Apparently it was the first gift chosen, so everyone had to sit and watch each box be unwrapped.

My sister in law has a rough time asking for things for herself. She loves her dog. I got her a few dog things; toys, treats, and each one accompanied by a super cheesy dog pun.

Is the pun the joke?

I usually wrap up the presents inside a box, which I wrap up, which I wrap up, which I wrap up...

Basically recursive present wrapping

We were going to bring a rotisserie chicken in a gift box for a white elephant gift exchange, but worried about it going bad.

Wrap a box with a bow and everything, but fill with paper trash. Empty solo cup, toilet paper roll, ramen wrapper, etc