Fastest animal

The correct answer is an unlucky sentient manhole cover, that incidentally was thinking “Oh no, not again”.

Love the HH reference, but you're the second person to mention a manhole cover. What's the story there?
- If I recall correctly the fastest object ever was a manhole cover after an explosion. If it was sentient then it would be the fastest creature.
  BRB, going to look up the incedent.
  Edit: Here you go
- Here you go! It’s a fun read.

I love how they get less happy the more pedantic they're being XD

Their hair also slowly shifts upwards, as they charge their super Saiyan power
- Plus it helps us realize that since they have more masculine haircuts they are even smarter, right?
  
  Because it wouldn't make sense for the initial female to look the same and still be a physicist, right?
  
  Just pointing out that bias may also be affecting the cartoon too, even if not maliciously intended

Therapist: what do you think the fastest animal is?

The water bears that are hanging out on the Parker Solar Probe.

Every physicist I met was in some way unhinged. One had delusions of grandeur, second couldn’t bare his feet in any circumstances, another one would pause lecture every ten minutes to go into his room from which indescribable sounds would come.

It’s probably the unbearable awareness of vastness of space that does a number on you. I wonder if they have any pills for that

Dried frog pills, probably. I've been told if you take one you can hallucinate that you're sane, which is probably close enough for the average physicist.
- Strong stuff indeed. I doubt there are many who could handle that ride
- GNU Terry Pratchett

the cricket that rode the nuclear man hole cover

Philosopher: that depends on the situation.

Ship computer in Star Trek: "please specify search parameters."

I figured a biologist would say Mantis Shrimp.

They're not very fast, they just move their claws very fast

Philosopher: Fast at what?

So, all creatures on earth, as seen from the center of the galaxy?

The humans in the satellite still win, in that case, about half of the time.

The rest of the time it's probably one of the falcons.
As seen from the any point at the edge of the observable universe
- Which edge? One where our local galaxy cluster is blueshifting towards or redshifting away from?
They would all be fast, but still only one will be the fastest.
If there were alien life, would this change the answer? since the question is “animal” and the kingdom of animals is a taxonomic classification of stuff on earth, I would assume the answer still remains the same
Or as seen from photons traveling away from us.