This Jerk Parks His Cybertruck in an SF Crosswalk Every Day

Why is this a news story and not a call to a tow truck company?

This is a blog post, not a news story. The real question is: Why is this a blog post and not giant penises drawn on every piece of metal with stainless steel blackener gel?
- Would not recommend. Cameras all over the car, recording everyone and anythig that approaches.
SF parking enforcement would have to get involved.
- If this was Boston then parking enforcement would descend on it almost immediately.

In a case like this I'd normally advocate for kicking in a door but if that isn't your thing just splash some water on it and watch it rust

Few squirts from a water bottle filled with salt water.
- These pieces of shit wouldn’t last a week on the gulf coast

Well, just spray some water on it for a week

Pretty sure if someone(s) simply spit on it, the sad sack'd rust. A civic duty, some might say.
Water is not as corrosive as people think. Vinegar on the other hand, and/or some hydrogen peroxide.

You don’t buy one of those ugly-ass pieces of shit unless you’ve already bought into a dominance-oriented worldview, and intend to use it as a prop for asserting dominance over everyone who crosses your path. If you bought one and drove it considerately, you may as well have spent half the price on a more sensible car that only falls short in projecting an “alpha-male warlord” image.

Does sf not have police or parking controllers at all? Where in from that shit would be towed before he managed to get his first cup of coffee

One of those shows it's fully blocking a fire hydrant too. The driver's convenience is more important than people maybe burning to death.

If it's blocking a fire hydrant, I think you can call the fire department to have it towed? From what I've read before, they don't take this lightly.
- They'll break the windows of a car if it's in the way since any kink in the hose might reduce the water output by like 50%. You'll get towed if no emergency is happening, but you also might get "towed" by the fire engine itself, probably with some major dents in your car if something is happening.

Fugly truck.

This looks like a great opportunity to slide across the hood with my keys hanging out of my back pocket.

If I were a vandal, (im not) I would get an old pair of boots and dip them into some sort of lightly corrosive liquid or gel, then walk them across the hood by hand.
There is no more reasonable result of parking a cybertruck on a crosswalk than finding the indellable footprints of someone stubborn using the crosswalk despite their best efforts.
It's specifically bare steel, so you'll do more damage to your keys than to the truck. It's also awful grade steel, so you could probably "accidentally" spill something on it and get some rust.
- Just saying, hot tub filter cleaner is one of the strongest oxidisers I've ever come across
  Spilled some in my shed years ago and things are still rusting at an alarming rate
That seems like it might not do enough damage. Get some jeans with bedazzled ass pockets, then you're really set for your hood slide.
- Could just spray it with a hose.

It will erode in just a few days...give it some water.

Well we know it can’t take a rock to the window.

Just toss a water balloon at it from a distance.

Nothing a can opener won’t solve

Get a valve stem remover, 4 flat tires suck

Nah 3 flat tires suck more. Less likely for insurance to cover it

Remove the valve cores from his tires.

I have a real truck, and a tow strap. If I saw some shit like this I would gleefully hook up and drag that piece of shit "truck" wherever I felt like putting it lol. I wonder of there's any laws against removing obstacles from the roadway?

The problem is that this is almost entirely normal for the Bay Area. I drive around a ton in the bay and the amount of people that just double park on a road, or throw their hazards on and just put it in park is INSANE. So while this person is a douche as well, the cyber truck thing is really just clickbait since people in shitbox Hondas do this too.
- Hondas are super easy to drag!
- Traffic/parking rules are different in the Bay.
  Source- Oakland resident
Just to be pedantic, it is categorized as a truck too, Class 2b, "light duty". So it's the same class as the GMC Sierra 2500, Ford F-250, and the Nissan Titan XD. I do agree it's a piece of shit but only in that it's a bigger piece of shit than the rest of its class.
- A 3/4 ton F250 truck is light duty?

An San Fransisco

I would call this a free pass to vandalize the shit out of that car. Bologna on the windshield should do the trick this time of year.

Place rusty steel objects, like cans, on it. The rust will stain the "stainless steel" body panels.

https://cleantechnica.com/2024/02/29/tesla-cybertruck-rust-what-it-really-is-how-to-clean-it/

I really hope someone doesn't shave a bunch of crayons and toss the shavings all over the car.

If they did that the shavings would melt all over the hot metal and be a real pain to get rid of.

Anyone who sees this sort of shit should take some hand lotion out of their bag, lather up and then walk around the vehicle leaving handprints along the way.

Lentil-bean the tires.