2y ago

Wearing multiple hats

105 comments

This is why therapy exists.
- For rich people or born lucky health plan countries?
  
  Always love this. "Go to therapy!" Gonna pay for it? "...no"
  Well back to suppressing my emotions again. There is no emotion, there is only peace...
  
  Yeah, pretty much. It's just better not to put that emotional weight on people, if you can.
  There's a lot more therapy services coming out, though! I wouldn't argue it's easily accessible, but it's getting there.
  
  kinda great that America is no longer the place to be born lucky in
- Your therapist is not your friend, and using therapy only as a place to vent is a waste of their time and your money.
  
  Why? They're there to talk. Are you thinking of a psychiatrist?
  
  This opinion is definitely not your friend.
It's sad how many men don't have friends outside of family and dates.
If that's you, please get friends. If you don't know how, find a hobby where you're likely to interact with other people, and interact with them. Even if it's just smalltalk, that's a start.
- No, the solution is to find a hobby you can enjoy with other people in order to find opportunities to make friends.
- I've always associated that with being a city thing, because I've lived in cities and suburbs, and I've never been a woman.
  In cities, most people won't even say "good morning" back, but in the suburbs, you can strike up a whole conversation with someone just because you're walking in the same direction.
- Yeah lemme go to the friend store and pick up a couple lol
  Oh damn, fresh outta 35-45 age bracket, as they all have kids and full time jobs that don't match with my days off. Bummer.
  
  Why do they have to be in the same age range? I'm a college student, and the most recent major friend I've made is a retired senior citizen.
  
  The other risk is that you catch them in the middle of their boring health phase, and you have to pretend to be interested in running or cycling.
- People always say this, and then suggest trash like Pickleball and board games. I already have hobbies, they just happen at home.
  
  Oh, I wouldn't suggest hobbies without asking what you're interested in first.
  Hey, completely unrelated question: What are you interested in?
  
  Pickleball the board game edition
  
  If you spend all your time at home, you will have difficulty finding friends just because there aren't many opportunities.
  Find some other social hobbies if those aren't your cup of tea.
  But don't complain about not having friends if you never leave the house.
  Friends don't fall from the sky.
- K so what if you have a crazy busy job and no free time because family. What then. Working hard to keep the family afloat has to be number one - then it’s sleep and victuals and stuff.
  
  Then that's a serious problem all on its own.
  If this is real, there are some things I can suggest, but I can't guarantee a solution because this is an absurd situation. You might try looking into government aid programs, looking for a better paying job with fewer hours, or if you're not a single parent with young kids only, asking someone else in the family to pull some weight too. And if you can't get out of the no-free-time situation, try making friends with coworkers.
  If this isn't real, then why is that your response to general advice? Seems kinda like if someone recommends walking for exercise and you say "What if I'm paralyzed from the waist down?"
- Also: You can do the hobbies online if you do not want to keep it IRL. My longest standing friend I met over at an online forum like 13 or so years ago. I also met a few people I still hang with every now and then via minecraft servers.
- It's difficult to get friends when you're a dude. There's the never ending suspicion you get from your wife.
  Sure, it's crazy behavior, but as a man, you can't really argue it, since society is generally on the side of women being suspicious (and dare I say it, insecure). Eventually it gets cleared up when she checks your phone, calls your friends, follows along during your guy nights, etc.
  But the fact that it happens at all is just exhausting and generally guys don't wanna deal with that.
  
  The fact that it happens at all, is some rom-com higschooler mentality that I refuse to put up with. There have been a fuckton of women that tried that bullshit with me. If you're going to play highschool games, you don't deserve a man. You deserve a little boy, as you're clearly a little girl/boy/other sexuality, but you still are in highschool and don't have the ability to fulfill an actual adult in your relationship. I've had far too many try to date me.
  If you want a relationship that is based in reality, I'm down. I've yet to meet a woman that actually wants a relationship based in reality. Kinda sucks for me since I don't like guys. Especially since I've been hit on by multiple guys that would have been great for me, if they'd been women.
  
  There's the never ending suspicion you get from your wife.
  That's not normal and healthy. I don't have that issue with my wife, and I'm not aware of any friends that do either. I mean if my friends and I had a habit of going to strip clubs or something... yeah, that's going to make the misses insecure. But if you don't have a history of behavior that has earned her suspicion, I'd be looking at couple's therapy to get past that.
  I have been in a relationship with someone like that. It was miserable not being trusted and having arguments about her baseless suspicions. In my case I eventually realized she was projecting.
  
  You really do want to gather a good group of friends in your youth, it gets more difficult in adulthood
  I'm part of three different groups since late teens, but since working full time I have only made maybe 3 new friends (not counting comings and goings from the groups)
  It's nice being in a beer brewing friend group, the beer just gets better and better as budgets improve
  
  After being with a good woman, I'd tell your woman to get therapy or get a new man. Good, healthy women do not do this shit. It's one thing to ask your husband where they're going and when they expect to return, it's another to check his phone, call his friends, stalk him... that's unhealthy as fuck. Goes both ways to, leave your wife's shit alone. If you can't trust each other, what's the point?
  
  My wife has never been suspicious of me having friends. She wishes I had friends. All of my friends live at least a 70-minute drive away. I've lived in this town for over 10 years and I've never made any friends. I'm kind of introverted, which doesn't help, but no one is interested in getting to know me.
  
  It always reminds me of the comment my mother made when my father used to go away for work.
  I know he's not having an affair because that would be too much like hard work.
- I'm not really into object oriented, though.
  
  How did it take me a whole 4 hours to get this? I'm a programmer too!
- But making friends means going out. Then there's even more going out to interact with said friends. Screw that.
- I don't think I will... Who needs friends when you have vim?
  
  Friends will leave you, but you'll never leave vim.
- I have plenty of friends, I just don't like any of them.
- Or just go volunteer somewhere. Lots of great friendships are born out of time spent on a shared task, even if not glamorous or "fun".
  Plus the whole 'will I fit in" doesn't really exist at the homeless soup kitchen, because they are happy for anyone. You are welcome to be there.
  
  Yes! Excellent suggestion.
I have friends, I just don't like talking about myself to other people.
- So you don’t have close friends
- That's common enough, many people have no need or desire to open up to others, a few of my favourite people are like that, though I'm not
- That's sad
  
  Sounds like knowing your own boundaries
Most of my friends are people I know IRL. But we only get time to interact online. So we play video games for an hour or so. In that hour or two we don't really talk about our lives. We don't talk about the shitty things or the good things. We just play the game and have fun.
So far, it has worked for me.
- That was how things were for me too. In the end we never talked about anything going on in our lives. We grew more and more distant as we grew older and found we knew less and less about each other. It doesn't last forever. Share your lives and the games. Otherwise in the end you will just have the games.
- I think this is pretty common for us. Having fun >> Talking about life and problems
- It's always nice to just focus on enjoying the hobby you have with your friends. Nice username btw
Lmfao wtf is this tweet , absolutely unbelievable
- It's a joke
She sounds abusive, isolating her boyfriend from outsiders to that degree.
- she's a comedian in LA and she does a lot of shtick about her bf, who either doesn't care or maybe even doesn't exist.
- Why is it her fault?
- Yea if all of this is assumed true, having a partner with no friends is problematic and helping them find friends is a reallt good idea for the health of your relationship.
  ... Unless its on purpose, as isolation is abusive and aids abusive behavior.
  
  If I don't have any friends why is that my girlfriend's responsibility?

105 comments