Loud + no smell is funny
Silent + rank can ruin lifelong friendships
rank silent farts are great, especially if you are in a vehicle and control the windows.
Hit your friends with a "Hey, does it smell like popcorn in here?" for maximum effectiveness
Pro tip for less stinky farts: shit as soon as you wake in the morning so you're not carrying bowels full of shit all day pushing fart gas through it.
Additional benefits include not having spontaneous emergency "oh Lord" moments of needing to find a toilet asap so as to not shit your pants.
The only way I can somewhat guarantee a morning dump is coffee. Are there other ideas?
The human body is supposed to naturally initiate a bowel movement first thing after waking, but sometimes we find it inconvenient and disrupt that timing. Coffee can help re-train it when it gets messed up.. or when you're time constrained in the morning.
I have a job where I can flex poop in the morning, so without caffeine it may happen immediately, and sometimes it may take 30 minutes. Food also stimulates it in the morning.
A good curry the night before usually guarantees at least two.
Metamucil for regularity
I don't have a choice in that, as soon as I wake up a countdown starts and I better start legging it to the toilet.
Always a good idea before a day of traveling. Nothing worse than stress-poops when you're in an unfamiliar place, with time constraints.
there's an old joke about this:
man goes to doctor saying "I keep farting, doc; my farts aren't smelly and luckily they are also silent but I am worried because I fart all day long. Even now, as I was talking to you, I kept farting the whole time".
"I see", says the doctor. "I will prescribe you this pill, to be taken twice a day for a week".
"And will that help with the farting?"
"No, but it should help you with your sense of smell. Then come to see me after one week and we'll try to fix your hearing"
Rank farts by far. One time I was at a crowded bar with music playing. When suddenly a whole section of people suddenly started smelling the rankest fart to the point that people were pissed and leaving to go outside. A literal room clearing fart that lingered in a crowded place. That situation wouldn't happen with a loud fart.
One of my classmates back in school regularly let out the most rancid farts I've ever smelled. Everytime, the class was unable to continue for a good ten minutes until the air was breathable again, after opening all the windows and the door
It depends on if you are the giver or the receiver.
I’d take a false alarm over a sneak attack.
Like all great comedy it is about location and timing.
So somewhere you can trap a fart? Great for a stinker, perhaps get one caught behind the door of a supermarket chiller cabinet. My brother used to "cup" people by farting in a suitable receptacle and sneaking up behind them and jamming it under their nose. He still might, although I suspect his wife has probably had words about setting a bad example for the kids.
If you are amongst family or friends then a real ripper seems the correct choice. Everyone can give it a heart cheer but you are also setting a bar that you are challenging other people to beat.
Rank, because it means there’s shit mixed in it. Loud without smell is mostly just gas.
Loud farts are funny, rank ones just ruin everybody's day
Rank for sure. Loud farts are funny. Rank are disturbing.
The third option: thinking it's a fart and instead you shit yourself
Shart
Depends on if you're withdrawing or depositing
Depends on if it's a competition or not
You forgot wet
That depends, whether I'm the giver or the receiver... 💨
Why does it depend? Why would you not prefer to give and receive the same way?
It depends whether I'm wearing Depends or not, duh.
Both.
serious answer: it depends on your definition of "worse". There's some study linking smelling farts (and specifically the component that makes them rank) to health benefits: https://www.theguardian.com/science/brain-flapping/2014/jul/14/silent-not-deadly-how-farts-cure-diseases
