The theatrical versions are the definitive versions. I regard the extended cuts as being a novelty for the fans that really want to see the extra material.
And George Lucas regards the "special editions" (with added CGI crap) of the original Star Wars trilogy as the definitive versions. That doesn't make it true. I think The Death of the Author or something similar would apply here...
I'm the one who owns a copy of the theatrical releases.
I bought them on a deep discount sale at a time in my life when that was literally a big purchase which I could hardly afford and I did it partially because I was hoping to watch it with a friend who was a big LOTR fan. I wanted to spend time together and see it through his eyes because as much as I liked the movies, I didn't think they were A+ tier.
When I mentioned watching the trilogy together sometime, his first question was "are they the extended versions?" When I said no, his response was "I'll pass."
Man, that really sucks. I'd prefer the extended ones, naturally, but if my friend wanted to watch LOTR with me, I'd sit down and watch whichever one they've got, only question is who's got the popcorn.
Sounds like he's a poser. A real True Fan (TM) would have accepted your offer and watched the theatrical release with you. Then, when the third movie ends, bust out his own copy of the extended version and insist on watching them immediately in one long marathon to teach you the error of your ways.
Honestly, I think the theatrical releases are better and some of the stuff left on the cutting room floor belonged there (looking at you, weird mouth of Sauron).
Get at me when they release the Tom Bombadil/Scouring of the Shire cut though.
Having the "Surprise - ghost army!" thing happen twice kinda ruined it. In the theater having them swarm out of the ships was a real "Wow" moment and I'm glad it wasn't spoiled like it was in the extended editions.