This will surely stop people making fun of HR

Someone works in HR and is tired of rightly being called out for being a corporate stoog who will always side against the employee...

"Am I out of touch? No, it's the employees who are wrong."

I know it was just a typo but I'm going to start calling people "stoog" from now on
- Lmao
  DON'T BE A STOOG
If someone spends 95% of their day helping some people, and 5% hurting others, it can be hard for them to separate the two. It's a purposeful, systemic issue driven from the top down in more than just HR. Law enforcement, middle management, even insurance to an extent.
Business leaders need to step up to take responsibility for their teams before anything in HR will change. This is why I like small companies.
- Insurance is more than “to some extent”. Insurance companies are there to make a profit and protect as much of their gross revenue as possible (not just US health insurance either). The more they give back to customers as claims, the less they have for market investment, or just straight CEO pay and shareholder dividends. One possible exception for non-profit insurance companies, but they are pretty rare (unless you’re in Florida and the state insurance is all that’s left).

For *, you despise HR, those fucking corpo muppets that will attempt to stab you in the back at every opportunity.

Remember rule of acquisition #48:

The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.

Never forget, HR is your enemy.

Do I have to tip HR?

20% is the going rate, or 10% if you work at a buffet.

Why is she listing responsibilities of HR and asking us to feel grateful about them? Why do they act self-important?

The HR industry exists so that an entire subset of the workforce is dedicated to protecting corporate interests from the workforce
They're like "gays for Republicans" who don't get why everyone seems to hate them
- What’s funny is that no one wants to be in HR, it’s just that’s where they end up and they have to play it like it was not them settling for what they can get.
It may be the stilted writing. "Approach to" is as dumb as "as big of a".
They think they’re the most important people in the company while at the same time being the least competent bottom of the barrel

I know a lot of women with university degrees (humanities) who ended up in HR, for some reason, and very bright ones as well. And while I have experienced shitty HR, I've also had the exact opposite where HR was super helpful and generally great people.
- I've met ones responsible for introducing new company policies targeting specific individuals because their medical treatment was getting too expensive. I would almost rather deal with full-time landlords.
A lot of psychology graduates end working in HR too.

Who the heck makes inquiries with HR prior to leaving a job?

Morons, who play right into the hands of HR!
The only times anyone should talk to HR is when they are hired for a job and when they leave a job and you don't talk to HR until you're actually leaving. Not when you're thinking about it. When you are ready to walk out the door, and you have another employment offer or you are retiring. Never before then.

"Waiving the notice period" my ass. It's wild to me how this idea that it's required to give notice when you're quitting a job is so ingrained in society.

It's a courtesy you can extend if you want to ease the transition for the company or leave on good terms, but it is absolutely not required.

I think in many countries it’s codified by law.
But hear this: the employer needs to give notice too. Crazy right?
- In Italy it's required by your contract, but you no longer need HR fortunately, there's a dedicated website, and yes employer notice MUST be the same as the employee one...
- I think in India, maybe some parts of Asia too? I think it's less to do with bit working notice but not carrying out your contracted obligation.
- But how would that work? They are gonna put you in jail for not working 2 extra weeks?
  You get paid to work, if you fail to do so then you won’t get paid, that’s all there is to it.
Under at will employment, neither side is required to give notice before ending the employment.
Depends on where you live. Unless you explicitly specify something else in the employment contract, the notice period here (the Netherlands) is 1 month for the employee and 2 months for the employer. If you do specify it in the contract, the notice period for the employer has to be at least twice that of the employee.
- Employers don't have to give notice in almost all (if not all) of America.

Is HR in the room with us right now?

It's safe to bully HR. Who are they going to call? HR?

I've got a feeling she is HR

Every job I’ve had HR is filled with complete idiots. I will always make fun of HR

I work in corporate I.T and HR frequently tell us to delete user accounts only for us to then get calls from users who don't understand why their accounts are being deleted. This happens five or six times a year. I don't understand how they can think people are leaving when they're not. It's not even like they were on maternity leave or something, they are just plugging away, doing their jobs without issue, and then HR randomly decided they quit.
You have to be a special kind of moron to work in HR, a simple lack of intelligence just doesn't cut it, you need to be able to not only make a mountain out of a mole hill, but make a mountain out of completely flat terrain.
- This has to be a huge company right? I can understand it at companies like Nike or whatever where HR functions basically turn into customer-support type roles where you're dealing with 100 tickets a day and there's no ownership beyond your tiny little cogwheel in the huge machine and there's no way to know all employees so they're just numbers to you. They basically got the number wrong. If it's a small or medium size company though they might be smooth brained.

For when you want to watch someone go fuck themselves...

People a re starting to catch on that HR isn't some neutral arbitrator but really just corporate goons who will back stab you.

I guess this lack of trust is starting to get to them.

I've never made fun of hr, never seen a reason to. Also I have the feeling, that they've very much my health in mind and are on my side more than the employer.

But I live neither in the USA nor India, so different rules, different culture.

Maybe reconsider whether the department that calls you a resource exists for your benefit, regardless of your nation of residence.
- Surely they have their own dystopian capitalist modus operandi, but just as a factoid:
  HR is actually called Personalabteilung in my language (personnel department) and I am personnel.

What is “fast reliving”? Some kind of necromantic spell??

I think it’s related to “Doing the needful”

What's an experience certificate?

IIUC there is a system in India to prevent people from working two jobs, which is that you need to present some paper that you get in your current job that certifies you left to get employed at the next one.
It's ghoulish if you ask me.
- Capitalism always finds a way to make things just a little worse than anything you’d have come up with on your own. This is such garbage.
- How does that stop you from having other jobs? Seems like you would just have one job be the "real" job where you play the cert game, and other jobs you just don't?
related to interns, I presume.

I worship His Shadow.

His Divine Shadow.

It is I who often changes my behavior as per need? I know these words, just not a disorder

is this a poem?