My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?
My girlfriend has ADHD and has is usually procrastinating studying (she has a big exam in a few months), is there anything I can do to help her with this without being prying?
Basically, title
Do not try to become her manager or parent or psychologist or coach. It will negatively impact your relationship.
https://www.getinflow.io/post/adhd-authority-issues-defiance for some ideas on why.
If you have a problem with how she is behaving, you will not be able to change it through external influence. If she really has ADHD (emphasis on disorder where it is negatively and significantly impacting her life AND is diagnosed) and is unmedicated, the single best thing she can do is get medicated, and that's her choice. If medication isn't working, she should talk with her provider about it.
If she requests help, feel free to provide it. Feel free to ask her (and not internet strangers) if there's something you can do to help her as she'll know what works and what doesn't as ADHD isn't a monolithic diagnosis and what works for one person might drive another up the wall.
Sorry if this seems a bit negative, but I was in school when all the Where There's a Will There's an A and all the techniques in the world did not make a difference to people that can't utilize them, but they can frustrate and shame people.
Thank you for your comment !
She has been diagnosed a few years ago. She has medication but only a few pills left, she's following up on that this week.
No worries about being negative!
Edit: years ago, not weeks
Plan in a session each day and be next to her, just watching her.
That would be what helps me most, planning in a timespan and then having someone look at me to not fuck it up
This, plus the support of someone important is usually enough motivation for me to get my shit together. And when I feel like my pace is slowing or starting to get tired, we fool around a bit together which helps a lot. But it is of course different from person to person.
Look up classic ADHD coping mechanisms. Others have mentioned some in this thread like studying with someone (body doubling) or enforcing a schedule. One big reason procrastination works is that the stress/adrenaline acts like a stimulant that is one of the normal medications for ADHD that helps you focus.
One other suggestion is to study when well rested (first or second thing in the morning). ADHD symptoms can be exacerbated by being tired.
Studying first thing it the morning is what works for me.
I get up early, study/work for a few hours, and then go about my day. If I do something else first any chance at studying evaporates (unless of course there's the looming deadline).
Wouldn't it be cool if we could somehow keep a moving target to initiate the "almost too late" panic that will finally cause some shit to get done.
Everything is always due in the morning or something
Small, immediate rewards for small achievable goals. We respond to them better than people without ADHD
Edit her unit learning guide so that the due dates on all her stuff are a week earlier than they actually are.
In hindsight what helped me back in school was having someone to study with, maybe that could work for you?
I was going to say the same thing. Doing it with her, and at the same time every day (or every other day) would be the most helpful if she's like me. Even better is getting her to join a study group with others taking the same exam; it's a lot easier to do things for others who depend on me than for myself alone.
Exactly!
Thank you!
Yes, body doubling works for a lot of people.
Lots of good ideas here, but don't forget to discuss these ideas with her first.
I'd recommend reading ADHD and Adults, it's a good intro to how ADHD works differently in adults than children.
Then maybe talk about her difficulties with her, and ask how you can help. Work to understand her perspective first, what she finds difficult, what she finds frustrating.
Then pick one thing, together, that you can help with. You need to work as a team, taking on challenges together (this is sort of relationships 101, it's a team thing).
Thank you for the book suggestion, it's on my radar.
Then maybe talk about her difficulties with her, and ask how you can help. Work to understand her perspective first, what she finds difficult, what she finds frustrating.
We discussed about it earlier this weekend. In summary, she finds hard to study because it still seems "far away in the future" (it's in early September), and on the other side, she also feels like even if she studies a lot for it, she will never feel ready.
She has already failed that exam in the past.
I can't figure out if she has even asked for his help on this, if she hasn't then perhaps he should just back off until she does.
Hello, I added some context in the comment below.
Nothing really. I struggle with the same thing in school and college. I would wait until the last day everyday and rush to do my essays or study. Once I got my meds I have drop that habit of mine but it's still there. So much less stress knowing that something needs to be finish but my mind pushing it back.
Thank you!
Its good to have a soundtrack or thing you listen to for study/project time.
I suggest her favorite video game ost (original soundtrack) or a single track on infinite repeat
No vocals
Alao helps to order food you can peck at to keep yourself quarantined to your war (study) room
Game soundtracks were such a game changer for me; like this music that's literally written to be in the background?
Right? 😬
Check out Aim To Head Official lol
Body double--sit nearby when she's trying to study and work on something similar.
Or, make it a game or competition.
One option is trade offs. Tell her if she study's for an hour, you'll do something she likes. That sometimes works for me.
The other option is to just be as gentle as possible, bring it up in a joke(risky). If she's just trying to get motivated, tell her about all the cool things she'll be able to do or become once she finishes classes, while telling her to study.
All this being said if she is just content with getting a C or B in the class and is confident in her current knowledge to get that, then maybe just let it be.
Thank you!
Break up now. She'll blame you for everything that goes wrong between now and a few months. Also, you dont want to be the guy driving her to every drug store in. 50 mile radius looking for Vyvanse and Adderall on finals week.
Seems a bit harsh