forget nightmare blunt rotation, pick 4 people to play the world's worst game of Cards Against Humanity with

Bill Maher, Stephen Colbert, Ben Shapiro, Joe Rogan

4 people smugly making distinct types of jokes that none of them elicit even a slight chuckle, you can immediatly tell who played every card and every single card breaks down into a completely performative 20 minute um acshually argument.

Rogan as the judge rounds would take hours.

In my experience, it can be any 4 people, doesn't matter who. Awful game. There were a few years (2013-2014 or so) where every time a group of adults in their 20s hung out, they had to play Cards Against Humanity

- That's the contradiction; you have to be a certain amount of terminally online to get the references in the first place, but if you are too terminally online it's just cringe.
Tbh the main reason it's so bad is because everyone picks the most shocking card in their hand, even if it doesn't make a coherent thought, or match well with what's being asked.
Like, holy shit, it's just edgy apples to apples, y'all!
And the worst part is, like most trends, the only people still on it are the latecomers: gen X and boomers.
I was visiting my family recently and my Grandmother and elder Aunt were the most vocal proponents of playing while me, brother, sister-in-law, and cousins were all against it. Love it when someone insists on playing the game and then has to have all of that shit explained to them

bill maher, bill maher 2, bill maher 3, bill maher 4

I would refuse to live in a universe with four bill mahers in it.
- I already refuse to live in a universe with one of him in it.
uh new rule you can't have more than one bill maher in your nightmare cards against humanity rotation
Death to America

Destiny, Aimee Therese, Elon Musk, Nick Fuentes.

Four different miniature spheres of influence, but fundamentally the same caricatures.

In my experience, the absolute worst people to play CAH with are self-styled edgelords who think they’re in their element. This circle would amount to the equivalent of four of the white kids who would show /r/ImGoingToHellForThis posts to other white kids at school and meekly whimper out a “d-do you get it?” when even white suburbanites feel unnaturally irradiated by the manifest Hitler particles.

Now, the best circle in my opinion—without including leftists/left-adjacents or comedians to challenge myself on it—Donald Trump, Kamala Harris, George Santos, Eric Adams. Genuinely depraved people, but they have beautiful minds. Three of four have the personality of an alcoholic aunt which is the optimum candidate for an interesting experience in any social game, and three of four are wholly self-absorbed compulsive liars to an unhinged degree which adds a certain je ne sais quoi to any experience.
- Which three of the four?
oh my fucking god I forgot about Bill Maher. sub him in for Nick Fuentes and that circle becomes ten times more insufferable if nothing else

Bill Edition: Buffalo Bill, Bill Maher, Bill Clinton, and Bill Cosby

old timey racism, new timey racism, insane sexism and homophobia. bringing a colt with 6 in the chamber and we're going to play russian roulette afterward

the Shapiro siblings

Charlemagne

my uncle

we have found a way to make Charlemagne cry, lmao

Joseph Smith

Mohammad

Jesus H. Christ

The guy who invented Superballs (responsible for so many dead children)

mike pence, mike johnson, kirk cameron, dennis prager: final answer.

Sargon of Akkad (the youtuber)
Bashar Al-Assad
Dr Glaucomflecken (some TikTok guy, hes here so Bashar has someone to talk about ophthalmology with)
Sargon of Akkad (the real one from 4,000 years ago, neither Sargon knows the other is coming)
Ben Shapiro as the alternate in case any of the others can't show up, hes cute, he would be fun to tease

Jerry Seinfeld, 4 of him.

Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, Matt Yglesias, and Aaron Sorkin.

Tucker Carlson (have you seen him laugh?)
A random social media influencer who lives in an LA apartment that costs $20k/month (gotta have a terrible sense of humor, won’t know what half the cards mean)
One of the guys from Cards Against Humanity who institutionalized their black writer and wrote racist shit into his cards (would pick the racist cards no matter what the prompt was, is probably upset that I haven’t bought any expansion packs)
My brother (always makes up random goddamn rules that aren’t fun)

4 cops

I was going to write Klan members, but

4 random HexBear users (myself included)

Cards Against Humanity with BMF, 7DeadlyFetishes, budoguytenkaichi, and Joshua 4Congress
- We invited Ulysses but he wrote a lengthy post with like 20 emotes in it on why Card Against Humanity is prestige treats that are poisoning society with their cynical Rick and Morty bazinga brains.

Hillary Clinton

Pete Buttigieg

John Green

Any regular on kill tony.

Rex Murphy, Piers Morgan, Bill Maher, and Donald Trump.

Musk, Grimes, Dasha, Thiel.

Biden, Kamala, Chris Pratt, and Kim Jong un. Biden would forget he's playing, Kamala would laugh and try way too hard, Pratt has like one personality he can turn on which CAH doesn't suit, and Kim Jong Un wouldn't understand why Americans think the jokes are funny and would probably never speak to you again afterwards.

Elon Jk rowling Kamala Pete buttchug

My first thought was Margaret Thatcher, she seemed humorless. The other three could be the streamer xQc so he could play the shock value cards, Don Jr. because he would laugh even when he doesn't get the joke, and Andrew Tate because he'd start asking about people's Bugattis when his card didn't win.