I had to google him to make sure he wasn't a troll.

Fruits that fall off the tree ferment and make alcohol. Monkeys, apes, and other animals eat them for the alcoholic effect.

God didn't make those. Wait. Shit.
- They were manufactured by fallen fruit.
- Yeast is the Devil confirmed.
  Bread is the devil’s food
Birds get drunk off fermented berries. And it's the funniest shit you will ever watch. Well...until you find out that drunk birds crash into windows a lot.
- This is the main reason birds have a hard time getting a driver's license
- Bees also get drunk off fermented fruit, and they are mean ass drunks. Source: I grew up on an apple farm.
- Mmmmm hmmmm
  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSM3x9G7eTQ
- OMG my blackberry bushes... those poor drunk idiots...
- So that's why they crash into windows...
If anything, God made alcohol incredibly prevalent and easy to discover and produce
- The apple Eve bit into was fermented for sure
- Apples naturally contain yeast, they'll literally turn to alcohol on their own if you give them time.
It makes sense if you believe in science and stuff, but if you were a true Christian you would know that holly sweet Jesus of America turned water into wine, which has nothing to do with alcohol. It is His sacred blood that for some reason also tastes like old grape juice. Don’t judge me and make your own research.
Thoughts and prayers, libtard!
- deleted by creator
And that’s not even to mention all the psychoactive plants out there. The Earth makes many a mind-altering substance without the help of man.

There is an old Disney documentary called “Animals are Beautiful People”. There is a segment of the movie dedicated to showing how monkeys, elephants, giraffes, and other animals can get shitfaced off rotten fruit.

Some birds also intentionally make fruit ferment and then get shit-faced off of it. Humans are hardly the first species on this planet to make booze.
- Some birds eat spicey chilis because it makes them hallucinate and get high.
- Birds tongues can't taste capsaicin.
There's a type of lemur that gets hammered by stimulating a poisonous millipede and ingesting it's poison.
- which millipede though, i dont want to spend ages milking a bunch of millipedes
- They also rub it all over their privates first. But it's for um.. medicinal purposes... (?) https://matadornetwork.com/read/animals-hallucinogenic-drugs/
  There's also a kind of sheep that will completely wear it's front teeth off by scraping hallucinogenic lichen off granite rocks. Everybody likes a party.
- Like the dolphins do with puffer fish.
Someone posted that clip before midsummer and I still chuckle at one of the replies. Something like "I'm laughing at the dumb hangover animals even though I know for a fact I'll be in the same state tomorrow".
Used to go sit under the fig tree as a kid and watch hammered parrots fall out of the tree and stagger around.
Disney documentary
Well there's your problem, this is clearly woke propaganda!!

So Jesus is a "fallen man", ok.

He also only turned the water into wine because his mother nagged him to do it. Two of the people thought to be the most perfect and infallible in Christian tradition are actually fallen people. I think it's pretty noble to abstain from alcohol or other addictions but the way this guy does it is so belittling.
@Spike Just ask Maria Magdalene ;)
@SomeoneElseMod
He didn'tmake it, he multiplied it, duh!

Homebrewer/fermenter checking in. Yeast is everywhere. Its already on everything. To an extent where homebrewing has a special category called wild or spontaneous fermentation specifically for stuff made just by letting wild yeast settle on it and start going to town. Which is to say that if you're a bit lucky the only thing you need in order for wine to happen is fruit. Do you know how you make a fermented pepper sauce? Kim chi? Sauerkraut? You just need whatever it is you're trying to ferment, and some salt. That's it. The fermentation will just happen. Some small amount of alcohol will just happen.
Also there's literally a scene in the Bible where god turns water into wine for his disciples. Why would he do that if it was a bad thing?
- Entrapment.
- The explanation that I was told for that as a mormon kid was that what they call wine in the Bible was actually unfermented grape juice. 🤦

There's literally a nebula out there that is almost pure ethanol that tastes of raspberry. I've no clue how we figured out what it would taste like, but there is literally enough alcohol there to keep the next 500 generations of humans perpetually shit faced even with the population boom that would occur.

I refer to it as "God's Distillery."

Infrared light gets absorbed by organic molecules at specific wavelengths depending on what structure they have. So we can look at IR light that has passed through the nebula to see what molecules are in it. The first article I saw said the cloud has ethyl formate which apparently has a raspberry like flavor.
- Thanks for the easy explanation!
Obviously someone must have built the smelloscope from Futurama.

I went to a church when I was a kid that taught that wine was completely non-alcoholic in biblical times.

Remarkable how ignorant of their own bible the teetotalling Christians are. Without refrigeration grape juice becomes unsafe to drink quickly. Fermenting it was the only way it would keep. Also in 1 Tim 3:8 mentions to not have men as deacons if they're "addicted to much wine", clearly showing this was not grape juice they're talking about.
- It's even more directly stated, and specifically about the wine Jesus made. After he turned water into wine, the guests were specifically remarking that hosts generally feed their guests good wine early in the night and pull out cheaper wine after the guests are drunk and can't tell the difference... But in this case they saved the best for last.
  This is great because it also is a counter point to the argument that some preachers say to the youth about it being DRUNKENNESS that god doesn't like.
  Nope, not intrinsically, because Jesus lit up a party full of ALREADY drunk people with more booze.
Hahahahahhahha

For anyone that doesnt know, humans have evolved a significant tolerance to alcohol because it does infact exist in nature in rotting fruit (you take what you can in 400000 bc) there are reports of moose losing it after only a few fermented Apples. And Elephant reportedly can get deliriously drunk off of a single beer.

I had a dog that loved beer but he was a nasty drunk. He would knock beers over to lap them up, then start growling and barking for more. Then he'd puke, eat the puke, and pass out.
- Sounds like a roommate I had once. You're sure he wasn't just a short bearded man named Matthew?
- Then he'd puke, eat the puke, and pass out.
  Probably because hops are toxic to dogs.
- I've seen this exact thing, a little terrier would wait for everyone to leave the room then he'd knock everyone's beers over and get shirfaced. I don't remember him being violent unless you tried to take the beer away
The ones who couldn't tolerate liquor couldn't get laid? That checks out actually.
- I've been told by several people that being a non-drinker is a "huge red flag" if they see it in a dating profile.
- Darwin bouta recheck his theory

Yea fuck the Catholics in particular, drinking all that wine like it’s the “blood of Christ”. Like Christ would ever touch alcohol!

cue the morons trying to say it was just grape juice

- Also an exmo, even as a kid the logical inconsistency was easy to spot. It was grape juice back then, the Catholics still drink wine, but we drink water for…the same reason except it looks nothing like blood? Cool cool cool
I tried that line, but my employer didn't buy it. Smh

I think the beer brewing monasteries didn't get the memo.

Wait until he finds out that humans have been drinking alcohol recreationally for at least 8000 years. I reckon heaven would be really rather empty if only people who never drank any alcohol were allowed in

First you have to convince him that the earth is more than 8000 years old.

If God didn't create alcohol, then why does booze taste so good? Checkmate, Tiff.

The earth has never produced a single drop of alcohol

Oh boy, do I have news for you!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Palm_wine

Granted it's not produced in the tree, but it's basically alcohol by the time people take the sap container off the tree, no human intervention needed.

Palm tree, formerly known as fallen men.
The pacu fish, who eat fruit, will eat fermented fruit and get intoxicated.

I hope he posted that on naturally occurring social media sites, not the kind created and run by fallen men, because the earth has never produced a single social media site.

Bruh moment.

If it's impossible by nature then how could we accomplish it

He must have skipped homework numerous times in his holy book.

But Mom, Jesus never had homework
- I was talking about this guy in the picture

Jokes on you: evangelicals only read the old testament

Psalm 104, 14:15 (while enumerating the great things God gave us)
[14] He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate— bringing forth food from the earth: [15] wine that gladdens human hearts, oil to make their faces shine, and bread that sustains their hearts.
Inb4, we are using oil the wrong way
- I'm guessing that refers to anointing the forehead with holy oil as a blessing, not rubbing it all over your cheeks and jawline

That name has to be fake.

It sounds like the name of a Will Farrell character! I can’t find anything to suggest it isn’t his real name - and tiff doesn’t seem to be short for anything either.
- Could be Tiffany. The musician Tiffany had a song called “Tiff’s Back”.
Just swap the first vowel in each name and you've got a great parody account
- Please make a Tuff Shittlesworth account.

The reader suggested context blurb is the best thing to ever happen to Twitter

Should introduce this guy to the raccoons that get drunk and fat from the apples that ferment after falling off our tree.

God didn't make yeast?

Well God didn't make anything, because God isn't real. Hypothetically if you asked a bible thumper the answer should be yes though

Like when a fallen man (Jesus) turned water into wine. Good story, kid.

John 2:1-11 New International Version

Jesus Changes Water Into Wine

2 On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus’ mother was there, 2 and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”

4 “Woman,[a] why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”

5 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”

6 Nearby stood six stone water jars, the kind used by the Jews for ceremonial washing, each holding from twenty to thirty gallons.[b]

7 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim.

8 Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.”

They did so, 9 and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside 10 and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”

11 What Jesus did here in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.

“Woman, why do you involve me? My hour has not yet come.”
Is there a generally accepted explanation of this line? Mary somehow knows he has superpowers long before Jesus starts the cult/religion (despite the obvious problems between them concerning the 'virgin birth' myth) - and the first test of a God on Earth is his mom looking at the empty wine cup and saying "can't you fix this with your magic?"!
Were they like, regularly making magic water-wine in the house before she and her son went to the party, or - how would she know?
- John is sort of a weird gospel because it was written independently of the other three.
  Typically it's assumed that Mark is oldest of the gospels and written independently. Matthew and Luke are both based on Mark. John, however, remains its own thing and was also written independently, potentially by multiple authors at different times. John was also originally written in Greek and not a translation, as it does wordplay that only works in Greek (see John 3, which makes no sense in English or Aramaic but has a double meaning in Greek).
  One of the ways John is so different from the others is because John plays up the supernatural aspects a bit more. In John, Mary absolutely knows about Jesus' powers and basically begs Jesus to "blow his cover" as it were, to allow the wedding to save face.
  It's implied that Mary has always known about Jesus' "special powers", especially in John. Mark is much more "down-to-earth" when it comes to describing Jesus' powers, while Matthew and Luke (as mentioned) copy Mark and add embellishments (the virgin birth, describing the resurrection). Matthew and Luke give Jesus magic powers that he "should" have, whereas John is very explicit about "yeah this is God and he has God powers" in ways the others do not.
  Side note: John is also weird in that Mary and Joseph are basically described as Jesus' parents. Mary is never mentioned by name, and the virgin birth is never stated. In John, Joseph is also explicitly said to be Jesus' father, despite, you know... the rest of the New Testament saying he wasn't. So John is just strange.
- Carpenter wasn’t a real high paying job, gotta save money any way you can so just one wine bottle that little J refills every day would make sense.
  Or maybe he was just trying to catch a buzz before the magic show and wanted Mary to step off