Work as a waiter

it's called a high-functioning alcoholic and it's not based

Getting fucked up before going to work? Hell yeah. Shaking and sweating by noon? Not so fun.
- Yeah, usually by the time you're in the morning drinking (and not on vacation or something lol).
  You're also in the physical withdrawal symptoms, which can kill people or fuck up their brains
- Pff, thats just hypoglycaemia. I need a cookie.. or I'm gonna collapse.
Yeah, I lived like this for maybe thirty years, in between being a junkie. Gave up pretty much all my indulgences the past couple of years because I'm just too old for that shit and the health debt is coming due. I still smoke weed and take the occasional valium. My addictions saw me through a lot of rough patches, and being mostly sober is hard work - but booze and drugs is not a great way to deal with your problems.
Edit - closer to forty years actually. Oops.
It's far more rampant than even the experts recognize. Hiding alcohol use is simple.
Wake and bake and chronic thc has also been rampant for decades.
yep. needing 4 drinks to get right, that sounds quite severe too. even needing 1 is a massive red flag. when the body shakes the morning after drinking, it can be a sign that your body is no longer able to function without alcohol.
detox will need to be medically managed at that point as cold turkey is now life threatening; quitting drinking will seem impossible and yet has now become more urgent than ever
- Not even close. 4 drink base-line does not need to be medically managed. Two day sweat out and you're reset. You could even have 2 beers the second night and still reset to 0 within the two days.
  You don't hit medically managed territory till your at a bottle or liquor everyday for more than a few days territory.
That describes me and I will never drink before or during work.
- yeah there's lots of criteria
It's based as hell dude
- Based in reality, yes. Based as in the common colloquialism to mean something cool and relatable, no.

That little brunette can grab my yoke any day
- What the fuck

When I was younger and worked at a grocery store, I had a coworker confide in me that they stop home on their breaks for a shot of vodka. At the time I saw it as "whatever you have to do to survive!" But now I see it as the massive red flag that it is that she's a functioning alcoholic.

red flag? nah that's a bright green flag.
- Nothing green about alcoholism. I enjoy my beer, gin and occasionall hangover but alcohol addiction is nothing to celebrate
- "I love trying to get in the pants of addicts!"
  Christ you seem like a slimy dude.

Aha yes, Teaching.

Any more that that and the TV trolley is coming out.
I was about to say I’ve encountered a few individuals during school consults. Elementary even.
The only way to deal with a classroom full of antichrists

School bus driver?

“Thank God you’re back, Doctor. ER received a patient with blunt chest trauma, he’s unresponsive and vitals are unstable. The imaging shows organ damage, possibly lung hemorrhage. They’re being prepped for emergency surgery now, the anesthesiologist will brief you in Room E109.”

Buddy of mine worked in health care, did urine testing. He's got stories about people coming in way over the legal limit to drive but come across as sober

Have you ever fucked an alcoholic up the ass?

That shit kind of burns when they haven’t had a solid shit for a month.

Have you ever fucked an alcoholic up the ass?
No
That shit kind of burns when they haven’t had a solid shit for a month.
Ok
Don't do unprotected anal, kids.
- But unprotected anal is just the bee’s knees.
ok.
You gotta eat their ass first, that was where you went wrong. Get that tongue in there and clean up before the fucking ensues.

Hope they didn't ticket the school bus

I'm a school bus driver. Last year our union shop steward got pulled over for DUI and blew a .32 which is insane. She was stopped at 3 AM and cited but somehow was at work that same morning at 6:30 AM and drove her normal route. The district found out about her DUI later in the day and she was suspended, but it's clear that she was still horribly fucked up when driving kids.
After more than a week she was allowed to resign rather than being fired, which means she was able to get a job driving for a different district. How she was able to do this with a DUI on her record is a mystery to us, too. She is also a councilwoman in a neighboring town but it's hard to imagine that level of politics gives you immunity from DUI. She did apparently flash her councilwoman ID to the officer that stopped her but that did her no good, at least at the time.
- How is being a school bus driver? I lost my job recently and I've been struggling to land another thanks to the current job market. There's a part of me that's hedging and looking at what else I might be able to do for work if I can't land another IT role quickly enough
- Sounds like Wisconsin
- at least she was able to get a job with (hopefully) a felony

Sounds like me with my $20 when I'm on jury duty

Explain to a fellow European why jury duty is so universally hated in the United States of America. I always pictured it as an exciting opportunity with a certain responsibility.
- As mentioned by another, a lot of it really is compensation. Most jobs won't pay your missed days for jury service. They can't fire you, no, but they also dont have to pay you. If you have kids, live paycheck to paycheck, then get a letter from the government saying you will be needed for an unspecified amount of days, possibly weeks, and won't get paid for it, it doesn't seem like much of an opportunity. Better have those sick days saved up, cause if not, you may not make rent.
  Luclily they usually pull a large pool of people so that is sometimes not an issue. My last jury summons, I told the judge that I wasn't paid for being there and the loss of income would cause me financial hardship. "Thank you sir, you're excused."
  Employers respect jury service only as far as the law requires them to. They do not respect it enough to make service economically viable for their employees.
- You have to take time off from work and you are not usually compensated well enough for the inconvenience.
- Well, it is never a convenient time. You wind up missing a day of work and they give ( at least in my state) the potential juror $20 for your trouble. I never get picked and have a hard time staying awake throughout the day.
  There is definitely a great responsibility involved and I answer the questioning truthfully so I have never get selected by both the prosecution and the defense.
- The reasons the others gave are valid, but it’s also a cultural thing. We’re taught via pop culture that getting a jury duty summons, much like having to go to the DMV, is something to be dreaded. Like if it happens in a cartoon or a cheesy sitcom, there might be scary music that plays in the background while the character does a Darth Vader “noooooo.”

Investment banker during tariff season.

"You try doing this job sober!"

-- Fred Dibnah, steeplejack.

That guy was awesome.

This is fairly common in the bar/restaurant industry.

Musicians, comedians. Any job where you have to be socially / performatively "on".
- Watch old Robin Williams stand-up. He actually goes back stage mid-show to do rails of coke.
I think a lot of politicians also do it.
- No, they're usually on a strict diet of paint thinner

A Gigastacy in the wild

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcMnf86n8_U

Unrelated video, but thank you for sharing!
- I'm not accusing anybody involved at Wacker or the contractors of being drunk, but if turning a bolt wrong kills one and injures four then you can imagine drinking at work is not exactly a great idea.
  It's just as dangerous on foot as it is for drivers, even grocery clerks can get crushed under pallets of boxes weighing hundreds of lbs minimum, there should be no tolerance for it.

this is awesome i strivr to do this daily with ever commit i make and every pr i make

this is the vibe we want when coding. Ballmer Peak, baybay
- See that is what Linux is missing, all their programmers are high, not drunk.