Thank you for sharing this.... I like really needed this and opened lemmy in the middle of a really bad depressive episode and this was on top of my feed... Saving this for future me and friends.
I hope you don't mind me sharing something I've learned that I think is truly fascinating and very powerful: If you can recognize your negative "automatic thoughts" and what triggers them, and then argue against them, it gives you incredible power over that kind of dark cloud that can hang over your life.
For example:
"Fuck it, nothing matters and the world is going to shit. Well.... what caused me to think that? Could be bad sleep last night, a bad mood from getting in that argument with my friend earlier, too much time on social media reading negative news, and a general sense of exhaustion.
Ok... I might be biased in my thinking about these things without realizing it. If nothing matters, than there's nothing to worry about. All my fuck ups are... whatever. There's no way that I'm "supposed to be" that I'm failing at. Nowhere I'm "supposed to go", which is actually kind of freeing. Actually, looking around I can find plenty of examples of people that think everything is meaningless but still enjoy their lives. They're are many philosophies addressing this exact problem that I can explore.
There are a lot of bad things in the world... but also I have way more freedom and longer life expectancy than almost everyone else in human history. There are terrible things happening to the environment, but there are also millions and millions of dedicated people protecting the environment, and on the whole humanity has made a lot of progress in how we view that issue in just the last 25 years."
This is just a stream of thought example to demonstrate how it works. It's very powerful, especially if you write the key points down. It gets much easier after doing it a few times. This is you restructuring your neural networks--its literally changing your mind. It's eye opening to practice doing this and share it with others.
Next time something triggers these negative automatic thoughts, you're much more likely to not only recognize that it's happening, but also have a different way of thinking about it right there waiting for you. A doorway out of this dark loop of sadness.
I don't know about you but I see the whole acknowledging of the path humanity has taken as a liberation. Do what you want. Don't worry about the future. The now is what matters. Keep doing what you need to enjoy the now and stop caring about things that are just meant to be. Things are just following their natural course and honestly we've had a remarkably long run lol!
I'm so glad it helped you too!
See, the way I see it is that my concerns have mostly if not always been correct. Most people might not be as observant and able to deduct consequences but I have the unfortunate ability to know exactly how something is going to pan out and when I can't control the catalyst it causes me to have to come up with damage control methods. Don't pretend like everything is ok. Your house needs constant maintenance or it could be costly or even dangerous, pets need constant observation to catch things early, not having a gas detector when you own a gas stove is idiotic and you should always be ready in case of the very likely such as break ins, electrical fires, broken pipes, and yes... car catching on fire. I told my SO the car smelled like gas, he said I was being paranoid. I was the only one who detected the gas being left on in a kitchen full of people. Most people don't pay attention and leave you to have to be always on alert. Every time I just let it go or think to myself it's nothing it ends up being something I could have prevented. I learned to listen to that anxiety and do something.
What if it works out? Then I'll have a lot of work to do to keep it working. What if I'm not good enough to keep it working and I turn it into a failure?
Everything eventually breaks down or dies and there's nothing anyone can do to prevent that indefinitely. It only ever needs to work long enough to be useful. Don't let perfection be the enemy of good enough.
I'd say that's part of the fun of it all! How boring would it be to just always succeed? And how much pressure has to continually grow to never make an error? Nah, I say let's try things and fuck up...or succeed! And then run with it as far as it goes, fall down, and see if we can run farther next time.
The race may never end, but I still like running it!
What if your new fix if it goes wrong reinvents your system. Gen 1 always has something. What if that little patch you're thinking of is the right patch.
What if you are good enough and you do pull it off?
Thanks, I was just caught in an anxious loop and this helped a ton.
I'm so glad! I get really caught up in What Ifs and I was surprised how effective this is.
I had a boss who thought "but what if it all works out."
It didn't.
Clearly this works for other people, and that is cool! Not for me though :(
My brain: "If it works out" then I won't have to worry about it, but while there's a chance it doesn't I still need to prepare myself for the worst scenario.
I can relate to this, but how are you actually preparing yourself?
Are you planning your response to the problem, considering how to improve the outcome for next time, learning from any mistakes you or others may have made to end up there?
Or are you just dwelling on the possible negative outcome that hasn't happened yet, so you can say 'Told you so' to yourself or anyone who will listen after the fact?
Like I said, I can relate to this, but I'm slowly trying to turn my pessimism into something productive.
In my anxious moods, I do sort of prepare myself. I try to think of every possible eventuality, every possible accusation or thought someone may have, every thing I might forget or fumble, and try to imagine what I might do to counteract or resolve it. It's still often a meaningless task because there are practically infinite possibilities, but in theory there's a logic and a benefit to it...
That is a cool way to think about it though. I might put more meta-thought into it for the future.
Upvoting for unapolegtic and correct use of "whom"
Commenting so somebody will get upset I grammared too good and respond how it's "no longer necessary"
I've found that interrupting awful and anxious thoughts out loud and making positive corrections is extremely helpful.
Legitimately, I've called out in my house "Shut the fuck up! That's so stupid, [that terrible thing] isn't going to happen. I've got people who love and care about me, so shut your damn mouth!"
Treat yourself like a friend and shut down the bullies, especially if those bullies are your own thoughts, because you deserve to be defended from things that aren't true.
I actually do something similar. I often stop intrusive thoughts by saying "stop" to myself under my breath or if im alone, more out loud. Or i tell my brain to stfu. Happy to hear im not the only one lol.
I won't set myself up for disappointment by giving myself hope. Rather be realistic
Rather be pessimistic and be surprised when I'm wrong ... spoiler never ...
Exactly.
Sometimes I have to tell myself: Right now, you are doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
There's no point worrying or getting upset about things that are completely out of our control.
I've so far only been successful at applying this to driving but I'm working on applying it to other instances. Stuck in traffic? Can't control that. No need to get upset or anxious about it. etc.
It literally has taken me 20 years to develop this skill. I knew I was stubborn, but damn!
for that to have a chance of helping you have to have some expectation of it being possible in the first place and i don't understand how false hope is supposed to help.
For neurotypical people, that advice is really good and useful. For neurodivergent people, that advice has the same value as a turd.
Thanks, I really needed to see this right now
because most of my anxiety comes from uncertainty. having to prepare for success or fail is exhausting and scary
Today, I got a rock in my car AC condenser that will either cost 2000$ or a 500$ deductible and increased insurance premiums. Either way, I am fortunate enough to have an emergency fund that easily covered the deductible. I'm not in trouble and I'm safe. I go to sleep tonight with a calmer heart knowing I secured the best outcome out of a bad situation. All it took to ease my woes is for my friend to remind me: "I've done the best job I could have done." I'll be carrying that for a while.
Everything is going to be ok. It is going to be ok because I'll be trying my best the entire way through. I know you will try the same too.
For me personally, this makes me more anxious. As it gives me an incentive to do more than I already do, while I'm already hanging by a thread trying to give what I can. If I've done even more of my best and still fail, I feel worse.
As at that point I know for sure that I'm not in control as I can't change things even when I do everything I can.
For those like me, I try to lower my expectations. If things work out better than expected, that's still with me on only 100% instead of 130%. If things go south, I just wasn't giving it my all, I'm still in control.
Then we will have a lot of flying pigs to worry about.
There's a cool vocal piece by Roomful of Teeth in their latest album that works with the simple phrase, "how bad would it be?"
but what if it doesn't
I was ready to give up, but this is exactly right. What's one more night waiting outside her house when true love is the reward?
anxiety and delusions are not the same thing lol
"interrupt your psychosis with this one weird trick: just keep going!" 🤣
That was pretty much my thinking. "Who would this NOT be the right message for?"
Daaaamnn made me think...
It really interrupts that cycle, doesn't it? You remember that good things can happen too.
