Anyway, JD Vance uses one of these by inserting it between cushions. He is completely nude so he can get a full "couch feel", what ever that means. The cup hard plastic does not affect him since he cannot reach the bottom of the cup. After his done with what can be described as a dolphin panicking out of water, he says something like, "you are a loveseat, not a love slut."
His wife, Usha Chillucurry Vance, used the result of this and a turkey baster to create their three children. Usha, who JD refers to as Usha-C, has never touched his penis.
Easy enough to collect samples, just stick a turkey baster between the couch cushions and it'll probably pull something up along with the spare change you dropped in there.
"So ma'am, how does one use this? Does one dip a couple fingers like a spoon and scoop out the semen, then jam those fingers up into a waiting vagina? Is this what family values mean to you?"