Yayyy, we did it!! Never would've thought we got 512 upvotes :)
Let's see if we hit 512 at some point - I'm rooting for ya!
Yes, exactly - it is the idea of "well, you can gain life experience and serve for the state". However, it is (rightfully IMO) criticized as just a cheap way of gaining labor forces. I think that German culture is generally more connected with respecting authorities, rules etc., so this attitude of " you need to return something to the community who raised you up" is still prevalent.
Since 2011 the service was not enforced anymore (but not abolished - in German it's called "ausgesetzt"), but now there is a debate again to reintroduce it in light of the war. I personally am highly skeptical of it, for the exact reasons you outlined. A year ago I have went through the process of refusing to serve in the military in a defense case. We have something here called Kriegsdienstverweigerung: you can refuse to be drafted and serve under arms if it is incompatible with your conscience. I am glad to have went through the process, but I wouldn't have done so if I were younger; in fact, I probably would've been absolutely okay with serving in the military. So instead of training people to shoot, I advocate for providing opportunities for people to learn medicine and science and stuff and leave war to professional soldiers, who aren't 18- or 19 year old enscripted boys. It is also widely known that lots of guys cheated their way out of serving (e.g. drinking a lot the evening prior, so they make a bad impression on the recruiting officer), so the system was weird anyways. So I think the current debate is between "Russia and China are a threat, we need to get ready to fight, let's pump up our military production" and "War is no option, our infrastructure is in a state of disrepair, we need to invest into schools and hospitals instead of arms, and drafting teenagers can't be the solution of the problem".
I think we have a different view in Europe on it - Germany had a model of national military service until 2011 (with the option of civil service), the Nordic model includes military service etc. So it isn't completely unimaginable - we just have a different view on the topic.
Let's see how long we'll keep it up!
Great idea by the way, OP :)
It sounds absolutely and completely overpowered for a phone... ... Well, what did I expect ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That changes my perspective on them a lot. Well, another lesson taken - don't jump too quickly onto conclusions.
Thank you - I appreciate your input. I'll also share your comment with my partner, in case she hasn't followed up this thread. I'll think about your words.
Got it. Thank you for your comment - I honestly am grateful for it. It is good room for thought, and I'll think on that and talk to my partner and therapist about this. I'm sure they'll have additional thoughts on how to move forward.
I especially appreciate you telling me directly what you think. It helps me a lot.
Have a nice time!
Interesting! I didn't know this existed, but I can align myself pretty well with this terminus. Thank you :)
Thank you for your comment on tbr energizing activity! I actually didn't know that, but now it makes sense why e.g. playing PC games help me relax a lot.
Thank you for your comment - I appreciate your input. And also thank you for letting me know about the blunt part - I think it was important that you wrote it down like that. Sometimes you just need to tell things in a clear way.
I've added the context to my original post. It is very interesting that you called me out that my gf already feels cheated on - it hasn't appeared like that to me, but thinking about it now makes more sense. I think I would also feel at least overstepped if my partner would meet another person and cuddle without my consent. That already creates an emotional background, so to speak.
I already mentioned in another comment that it is very difficult for me to imagine my friend trying to get me to cheat on my gf. It just absolutely doesn't make sense to me why she would try to do that. You also mention a good point - given our past and her kiss, it is necessary for me to make sure she understand that I am not interested in her. While I don't think going to the sea is per se bad, and my gf even said she would judge it differently if I went to the sea with another person or with this specific friend on another day, it is my responsibility here to make sure to set boundaries here. Going to the sea in the evening on the birthday of my girlfriend isn't really a boundary in that regard, is it?
And I also understand your point that you'd ask my gf (if you were her friend) if I'm trying to cheat on her. I think if I'd judge my behavior from the outside, I'd find it at least strange. While for me as an actor here my actions make total and complete sense, I also understand now why the friends of my gf told her that I'm at least trying to cheat on her.
I'm feeling unsure of what to do next. On one hand, it is important that I'm there for my friend - she is not doing well rn at all, and I'm seriously concerned about her physical safety. Events like these, where we go to to the sea, really help her. But also I see the need to draw boundaries for my and my gf's sake and make my gf feel safe. And I also need to make sure she is doing well.
I care about both of these people, albeit for different reasons. I'm now starting to get concerned about myself, because it just seems like a really difficult dynamic to handle. It helps me to realize that my gf has reason to be upset with my actions and be hurt by them - I clearly breached societal code. I acted in the best way I could, because I care about both people - but what I've done wasn't good.
Thank you for your input. I sincerely appreciate it.
Got it, thank you! I deeply appreciate your feedback on it. I've been a bit anxious if I'm the only one who feels this way, but it's good to know that I'm not.
Don't get me wrong, I really love my partner and she is an amazing person. I love spending time with her. But I also notice that time alone just has a different quality. So thank you for sharing your experience - I will definitely keep it in mind and clarify to her that she hasn't done anything wrong at all, it is just my mind which sometimes needs a pause from the input of a specific person.
Thank you for your comment - I appreciate it. I've added my comment to the original description so that the whole picture is visible to other people. Thank you for recommending me to do that; I haven't been sure if that's necessary, so thank you for clarifying that.
I am not sure what exactly to comment or think on you writing that my friend is romantically involved in me. My friend is already in a relationship with another guy, and I think that after her kiss I made it quite clear that I don't want this to happen. To be honest, for me it is totally obvious that you don't go after people who are already in a relationship, so I don't want to interpret her actions in the light of her going after me. I like her and I appreciate our friendship, but why should she be romantically interested in me if she even explicitly said that she doesn't go after people who are in relationships? I just think it is a basic consensus.
But also, to be honest, if I would be my own friend I would also urge myself to caution. My partner has actually asked me before I went to hers and she kissed me if I was sure she wasn't romantically interested in me, to which I replied "yes, she definitely isn't, why should she be?" And when I then talked with my therapist later about it, I realized that she kissed me. So my judgment of people being romantically interested in me definitely isn't good (actually I only noticed my current partner being romantically interested in me when she began calling me "darling" and "love", before that I just thought we are good friends.)
My girlfriend already knows the whole story, and I also know she reads this thread (hi to you btw, u potato); it is very clear to both of us that we talk about this dynamic. I think that she does a good job by sharing her concerns with me, so I don't think she does anything wrong here.
I am not sure what to make of it. It just seems to me completely irresponsible and wrong of my friend if she is romantically interested in me to take actions in that regard when we both are in relationships. I can't really justify to myself seeing her actions in that light, because for me it goes against fundamental moral values I have. But I'm wondering now if I just tell to myself that she isn't romantically interested in me. Either she doesn't get the social cues like me, or she is interested in me. I'm not sure what of these applies though.
I'm gonna jump into this thread here :)
My partner knows that I'm autistic, so she specifically clarified she has understanding of my inability to read social rules. I completely agree that the societal contracts often are bullshit, and I urge to clarify to me if something doesn't work for her, not to assume that I know that anyways (because 99% of the time I don't know).
And I agree with you, that for me not hurting my partner here is more important than saying "I'm right though". While of course we didn't talk before about this specific boundary and we had different assumptions, I don't want to hurt my partner and I'm doing my part (obligatory Starship Troopers reference) to make sure I am not harming her more than necessary.
My partner and I just had a talk about it. Basically, she celebrated her birthday today. I was on her party, and it was fun, but I left after around 2 hours to get home and relax a bit. After I arrived, a friend of mine texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a lake and see the sunset. I agreed, we went to the lake and went swimming in it; it was really nice. Later, after arriving at my partners, she talked with me that it hurts her that I went out with someone else on her birthday, doing a romantically coded activity.
To be honest, I realize that I don't have a single clue what is coded as a romantically coded activity. For me, this was something completely okay and appropriate, because it is for me clearly a friend-thing; but my partner explained to me that the combination of going out with another person on her birthday and going to a sea, which is a secluded place, just heavily connotates it in a romantic way.
I understand that what I've done here wasn't right, and that I have responsibility here. Even though I didn't want to hurt my partner, it is still my responsibility to inform myself here on romantically conmotated things you shouldn't do in a partnership. So, dear people of Lemmy, what does constitute a romantic moment?
Edit: I've left out some information which seems to be important for the whole picture . I've copied it out of my comment and adding it here:
***
Me and my gf got together in August of last year, so basically 8 months ago; we were friends for half a year before that. She got cheated on in her long distance relationship before.
The friend who invited me to the sea I actually know for almost as long as my partner, from the beginning of Uni. She had a breakup from a three-year old relationship a few months ago, and I was there to support her. I didn't clarify before though if she was okay with me cuddling with people or not; I assumed it was with her, because it was okay in her LDR before - which was wrong of me. I overstepped the boundaries of my partner here.
The friend in question kissed me at the neck while I was at hers. I talked with her about it and let her know that I wasn't okay with it, to which she reacted quite hurt. She then told me that we shouldn't be friends, but two weeks ago she collapsed at Uni and I brought her home. Now we are meeting again.
While I'm writing this down, I'm actually starting to notice that there are a lot of other factors playing in why my partner is upset here. She has been cheated on in the past, which definitely leads her to feel uncomfortable about my actions, even though I obviously don't want to cheat. I broke a societally unwritten rule of not meeting people in romantically coded settings on your partners birthday. And I overstepped the boundary of my partner before by cuddling with the friend without my partners consent.
***
Hey y'all,
I'm a 19 year old psychology student in college (with the goal of becoming a therapist) and have been diagnosed last summer with autism (low support needs).
I think the fact that so many of my peers go to parties, drink and have fun, while it is too overstimulating for me, feels really bad. I can't go to a party without earplugs, beer tastes awful to me (and coffee as well - way too intense for my taste), as soon as there's blood in a movie I feel unconformable, and it just feels that everyone is able to do thing easily which for me are a real struggle.
I'm in a relationship, and my gf seems to be able to do all these things easier than me. Asides from the fact that she also has better grades than me, I just feel resentment and sadness that people around me seem to better than me in so many aspects. Of course we should focus on our strengths, and that we shouldn't compare ourselves to others. But in the end I still feel resentment that people around me are just able to do so many more things than me, and that things considered normal in our society are a struggle, if not outright impossible, for autistic people.
So I'd love some input on how y'all cope with the reality of not being able to participate in social life to the same extent as other people.
Thanks!
Die gesamte Stadt steht still, die zentrale Haltestelle (Augustusplatz) wird teilweise nicht bedient - nur eine Hälfte fährt noch, und wer weiß wie stabil. Der gesamte Innenstadtring steht still. Ich habe Leipzig noch nie in einem solchen Zustand gesehen. Wie sieht es bei Euch in der Region so aus?
And then you always want to crawl into my bed and cuddle. Theo, you are adorable, but why do you ALWAYS need to get dirty before coming home 🥲
I love you, Theo.
Also he is the biggest potato this world has ever seen ;)
I'll start :)
I still clearly remember one particular incident. It was my first playthrough, where I didn't know what to do at all, and I've been pretty battered down. I arrived in Pelagiad while the sun was settling behind the horizon, really exhausted and close to getting killed. But just the feeling of finally going around the corner and seeing the tavern, knowing I'll be safe there, was an amazing feeling of relier. I'll hold it with me forever, and I don't think any other game managed to implement it in such a way.
What are your memories?