Chechnya bans all music deemed too fast or too slow

Music too fast? Straight to jail.

Music too slow? Believe it or not, straight to jail.

So, they just banned the Russian national anthem too, since that sits at 76 bpm?

darude sandstrom ✖️

careless whisper ✖️

never gonna give you up ✔️

The Russian national anthem is 76 beats per minute lol….

Which is banned

80 to 116 BPM. I actually chuckled audibly that the BPM was specified, I assumed it would be extremely vague.

Are they just late for 1st of April?

Wait... Did The Onion buy out CNN?

Not even Nazi Germany or Stalin's Soviet Union had this arbitrary and stupid of a music ban.

Read up a bit on the Chechnyans and their relationship with Russia.

Apparently, their leaders were responsible for atrocities on par with typical Russians.

I don't really have sympathy for them. They support people who assassinate journalists as a "birthday gift" to Putin.

This is memeable, yes; but usually when news like this starts coming out a nation shit’s definitely gone sideways for it.

Imma go blow some Chechnyan minds with my happy hardcore outfit that plays songs at 100bpm, but only plays 64th notes.

Was trying to figure out why this felt so familiar, then I remembered it's literally a plot point in the game Beholder 3, a game about an excessively oppressive surveillance government. Wild.

RIP the Chechen Drum n Bass scene 😢

BPM between 80 and 130 116 are allowed. Their own national anthem is almost criminally low!

113 bpm baby we're solid!

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=54aY7LStPDpardcc

Ok but what about double time? This rule is so ridiculous if it was a joke I would think it's too unrealistic

saving us from the national menace that is cotton eye joe.

So, believe or not straight to jail, then?

RIP nightclubs. RIP Cheeki Breeki.

They're inching closer to the plot of Footloose.

Uh oh...

https://songbpm.com/video-game-players/tetris-theme

Meanwhile in 2 years: "Chechnya cuts tops of certain mountains and adds the rocks to another. Some are too high whilst others too low."

Reading through, I suspect that they are trying to restrict music to those forms similar to national/traditional/folk music. They just got rid of rock and roll here.

I guess next thing Kadyrov will make his horse a consul.

Doom metal and hardcore unite

What do they have against ambient?

Writes a song at 115 BPM. Makes it use double time. Occasionally changes tempo to 161 BPM half-time. Adds three layers of polyrhythms to it. Spices things up with metric modulation between 4/4, 13/8 and 17/7. Hides a sample of the "trolololo song" somewhere in there.

Trollface.jpg

I feel like asking why now is besides the point, irrelevant really.

Welp, there goes all the phonk music

They like to cha-cha real smooth. But not too smooth.

No Doom or Speed metal, check.

their president is stupid as fuck

I guess Low is going to have to cancel their Chechnya tour.

Vaporwave incoming

Michael Jackson's "Just beat it" is to be used as neutral metronome. Bohemian Rhapsody will be in the musical fire pit asap first thing in the morning. Also with "oh Donna" and "la Bamba" as well as pretty much every single music piece not used for CPR training.

It has been said, now go on and make it happen!

So what’s the opposite of eating the onion, and not believing that this is actual news, but it is?

If I take a 2min Drum and Bass track with 170bpm, add 30s of silence at the beginning and the end it would result in ~113bpm for a track of 3 min. Would this be legal? Or did they also define how to measure the bpm?

Have they defined the planet for the length of the minute? How about a Venus minute? Or a Jupiter minute?

I think I know what happened. Russia's capital is in the Eastern Orthodox region of the country. They celebrate big Christian holidays such as Christmas using the Julian calendar; so about two weeks later than most. So, it makes sense that they celebrate the smaller holidays one week late. April Fools?

“Not quite my tempo”

• Laughs in Dutch EDM * 🤣

(Hardcore/Gabber starts at ~160 BPM and goes all the way up to ~300 BPM). Definitely too fast.

80-115 bpm only.

What is their legal definition of a beat?

Apparently Block Rockin' Beats are halal

Huh. Guess they don't like extratone

There’s a strong chance you don’t have many extratone records in your collection. An electronic genre that operates at a tempo of 1,000 beats per minute, and can sometimes hit the startling realms of 10,000 BPM, extratone is an acquired taste to say the least—and possibly just a smidgen out of your standard tempo comfort zone

It should certainly spice up performances of John Cage's As Slow as (legally) Possible.

wait... Air by Bach is too fast? (134 bpm)

drummer distracted by falling stagelight

Chechen authorities 360noscope him for lowering the BPM

No anime intros for you chechnya!

Adama Sandler's Medium Pace has reentered the charts at #1

Rimsky-Korsakov is rolling in his grave

Lol

Fundies gonna fundie.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ka9GALExUeo I guess this is too fast then?

So, no grindcore concerts? Oh, wait! There weren't any anyway! Fuck dictators, fuck authoritarianism!

Mandatory #1 hit in all of Chechnya

Edit: nsfw without headphones