Men who have been married for many years, what do you think are the biggest mistakes men make in relationships that should be avoided?
Men who have been married for many years, what do you think are the biggest mistakes men make in relationships that should be avoided?
- that people are perfect. We all mess up. Forgive and more importantly move on.
- that your partner will always be the same. People change over time, and so will you.
- that your love will always be the same. It changes over time
Married 26 years here. The biggest mistake I see my single friends make is getting in relationships with the wrong women. Beauty probably should not be a top five criteria. I am not saying you need to date hags, but for a successful relationship personality, interests, and compatibility matters much more.
Find someone that values and prioritizes the same things you do. Someone that you can communicate with and trust.
Beauty is a depreciating asset. If the only reason you are with someone is because she is hot or good in bed, then you are in for a bad time in the long run.
Why are you asking me? I've been married for 17 years, clearly I'm doing things right. If I was in the business of making mistakes, I wouldn't have been married this long. All kidding aside, I often see people have a lack of interest in the other person. It should be genuine interest in the other person's hobbies and interests. Like, my wife is really into dog training, I'm not, but still we talk about it and we do it together sometimes, just because I want to share in what she is doing and support her in it.
Taking their partner for granted and letting communication get lazy. Yes you’re friends and partners, but it can be easy to forget the emotionality and connection in the routine bustle of life.
Become a feminist. It doesn’t mean you kowtow to every whim and women are always right and better than you. It means you take your fair share of running the household and the relationship.
Read this; https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic
Learn about the Second Shift and Mental Load. Together, make a job board of things that need to be done around the house and divvy up work.
If one partner knows how to do a housekeeping task, they other should know too.
My wife doesn’t brag about me to her friends because when her friends brag about their husbands it’s insanely basic shit. For example one had Covid and was bragging about how her husband learned how to make eggs for the kids so she could get a little extra sleep in the morning. Eggs! Look, if you don’t know how to cook eggs, you don’t know how to cook. It’s a life skill, not a wife skill. Not saying you need to be the family cook, break down household chores however works best for you, but be prepared to take over any and all chores from your spouse at the drop of a hat. You never know when sickness might happen, or worse. What would you do if you suddenly became a single parent if only for a week? Know how to do it all now so you can take it on when you need to.
Yes. I'm not married, and I'm sometimes shocked at how some men seem to use marriage as an excuse not to learn basic life skills, especially in an age when you can learn almost any non-professional skill for free on YouTube.
My dad always did his fair share of housework, but he rarely cooked. Once I was old enough, I would cook for him whenever my mother was away. During her first trip away after I got my first job, my dad got really drunk because he didn't feel like waiting for me to get home and make him dinner before going out. He was born in the 1940s, so I accept that his generation were raised to see cooking as feminine, but we should have moved on from that.
NEVER STOP DATING.
Kids or no. Continue with date nights. Planning dates.
If you stop being a couple, you stop being a family.
The health of your relationship as a couple is crucial to the stability of the family.
FYI, perfection not required. Share your failures. It is demonstrably human.
Not a man, I’m an enby, but I’ve been married to my wife for 15 years.
Showing a woman love often means shutting up, listening, and empathizing. Not fixing.
Greatest relationship advice I’ve ever gotten is from a tv show I half paid attention to.
Don't do dumb stuff. This concludes my TED talk.
But Im so good at it!
Permanently Deleted
Expectations need to be well established before marriage. Don't expect your wife to do anything she want not doing before unless you talked about it before hand.
Don't stop talking. Never assume you and your spouse have said everything there is to say on everything.
Don't ask me - I'm still busy making them.
If you want them to be your life partner, then treat them as such.
Don't stop dating once you move in. They shouldn't stop either. Plan nights out, random gifts, and movie nights together. You're not roommates, you're partners.
This one might be controversial, but if you have ex's "you're still friends with" no you're not. Early in the relationship people will say, "Oh, that's cool. I don't mind." Because you're in the honeymoon phase, but it's just all around awkward for everyone.
Sorry, that's just bullshit. I have been married for many years and am on friendly terms with 90% of my ex girlfriends. My wife was sceptical at first (which I get), but now she is friends with several of my ex girlfriends. Others, not so much, but not because they are my exes, but simply because they're not compatible.
If you have to pretend not to like your friends any more for a partner don't marry them.
I think the exception to the friend who you dated would be my friend who we only went on one date and didn’t feel a spark but still liked each other. She became one of my best friends. She’s now married and my partner and I double date with them.
I was more thinking about an intimate partner. A one off date is very different.
Don't change or get into too much effort to get the woman. Because it will need that same effort to keep her. That will wear you out and she'll divorce you after years because "you've changed", while you slowly became yourself again.
Sure you can spoil her, but don't do it the entire time you're chasing her. She will think you're "that kind of person" when your spoiling is unsustainable.
My youngest brother's wife complained to him that he acts different when he's around his brothers. No, dumb tw*t, he's known us his whole life, he's being phony around YOU.
I mean, it's the secret to getting a relationship and staying in one. You need to have open communication and treat your SO as an equal partying life.
Too many men don't see their partners as equals. They want to be dominant or are just in it for sex. These do not make for a happy life.
@Tedrow >an equal partying life
My favourite typo of the week. But yeah solid advice.
I said what I said. XD
Don't get married. I was married for 5 years, had 3 kids, but it didn't work out. My girlfriend had been married twice before I met her and neither marriage lasted a whole year. We've been together for over 28 years now. Sometimes you have to learn what you don't like in order to find who you're compatible with. In our case I think it's the idea that if you're married you have a tendency to take the other person for granted. If you're just "shacked up" you can leave whenever you want (of course having kids and co-ownership of property may complicate that equation).
Try not to marry someone who's going to break up with your sorry ass.