Lemmy Shitpost @lemmy.world ButtholeSpiders @startrek.website 1 yr. ago

Like clockwork

40 comments

Literal shitpost.
- It felt appropriate to stay on theme here.
I would say 45 minutes of scrolling if lemmy.world wasn't constantly under DDOS attacks
- So true… 😣 It’s like they think it’s the main server for the entire thing.
I was shocked when I found out how common external/bleeding hemorrhoids can be(Almost 3/4 adults will have them from time to time).

Then it all clicked when I realized people sit on the toilet for 15min+, which is a major contributor to that condition.
- When I get hemorrhoids, it’s not from sitting for long periods. It’s due to my need for a poop bat’leth. I take Klingon sized poops.
  
  Uppercase poops
- My wife can sit on the toilet for 45 minutes. I don't get it. I want to get on and off that thing as quickly as possible. Why do you want to hover over poo?
  
  Not all of us have a bowel that is cooperative and timely. For some of us it is always a pitched battle of wills, a violent class struggle.
  
  Because it doesn’t all happen at once
- I'd say it's more of a revelation to me that sitting on the toilet seat itself for long periods causes hemorrhoids, than hemorrhoids being common in general.
  
  I've been there for an hour a couple of times, I've never had it so I would never notice lol. I guess it's time to avoid it altogether.
- i blame lack of bidets
  
  It's fiber. Go buy some Metamucil and thank me later.
  
  Source: I'm a surgeon who cuts out hemorrhoids and colons.
15 minutes? Amateur.
- Do your legs ever fall asleep
  
  Nope. Years of experience hiding in the bathroom from my kids.
  
  A squatty potty really helps in the department of prolonged toilet sitting.
You know a courtesy flush will take care of the aroma.
- But then how will other Klingons smell what I’m cooking?
Now do your leg that has long fell asleep
- A Klingon doesn’t skip leg day’s.
You're supposed to hold it for 3 days, not 15 minutes!
- But, that’s how they become pine cone shaped.
- Rookie numbers.
Thank you for a legit belly laugh.
Me rn (or my poop more accurately)
this made me laugh way too much lmao
Sadly, that's work for me. "You can go to the bathroom, but you have to finish these three orders first." Thanks, brain. Fuck you.
COURTESY FLUSH

There, said it loud and clear so everyone can hear. Doom scroll all you want but give it a flush first please, no need to stink up the bathroom with your nasty shit stew marinating the whole time. I don't understand why people don't know this.
- Thank you for giving it a name, fellow courtesy flusher.
I should leave, damn
- Or you could stay, there’s no shame friend.
That reminds me of the early days of R*ddit.

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