How do you describe the state of taking up space and having a presence? Doing chores like a linebacker has fucked up my very basic sense of being.
How do you describe the state of taking up space and having a presence? Doing chores like a linebacker has fucked up my very basic sense of being.
I move like I don't have a physical body. As a result, I bump into things a lot and trip. I try to go through objects like a ghost, sometimes fully expecting it'll work. Like a bee trying to leave a closed window. It happens most when I'm doing chores.
I grew up rushing to take care of my abusive family every second of my childhood, and was made to feel my self care had no significance. Even if the care is as small as taking a moment to see if something is in the way, so I don't bump into it. Like a corner while I'm rounding a corner. And even if I notice something's in my way, I will try to crash through it repeatedly before the throbbing of resulting pain reminds me to move it out my way first. The throbbing has to grow intense enough too. I might accidentally hit my head on an object 10 times in less than an hour before I watch my head. (TW: domestic violence) This is probably because my family beat me daily and I dissociate from physical pain.
Examples of things I've been told that help me understand my physical presence:
- This might sound weird, but "pretend" you have a body. This way you act like you have one.
- What are some things in your room? How big are they? What's the biggest thing in your room? How big is it? All those things thake up physical space. Just like those things, you take up physical space.
Consider something like taichi, maybe? Anything that requires you to maintain a mindfulness of your physical movements would probably help.
this is a brilliant suggestion
I used to do light taichi. It made me realize I could knead air like dough. It slowed me down for a little bit too. Both probably made me move smoother with more awareness.
Ah, well there you go.💁♂️ I don't know if you're familiar with the concept of proprioception but it's basically the brain's ability to monitor your body in space, like waving your hand behind your back and knowing where it is. There's a whole section of the brain dedicated to doing it, but as with everything in the brain, nothing exists within a vacuum. So over time we can build pavlovian connections around our proprioception that can include emotional trauma and whatnot that affects the way we move and feel about our body. You may wanna Google Occupational Therapy exercises that deal with proprioception.
Other activities you might want to look into could be: