If so, how so? I hope it doesn't because love how the song sounds.

Tbh idk what Zionism even is. I just judge from news that a lot of them, maybe up to all of them, support Israel. Feel free to educate me.

Maybe it's common in China and I just didn't spot it.

Wanting these ends on a bob that stops around or below my chin or collar bone. I want really spikey ends, hopefully with a straight line in the space between them. Literally like this picture.

Can I simply cut it this way? Do I have to use product? Can I recreate it post-haircut by simply brushing my hair? If I can't just brush it out back into this post-haircut, and I must use product, what do I use and how?

I grew up with culture and assumed everyone else had culture. Then I came across a white person who fetishized black and Asian people.

She grew up in America completely without contact with their ancestral tree for generations. I'd sit down, and they'd tell me their DNA is part Asian around 20x before I got up from my seat. She and her entire family looked completely white. That's how far back she was digging.

She's not black by any stretch, but she claimed she couldn't understand white slang because she only speaks black slang... even though she grew up with my also white boyfriend in the same white suburb neighborhood. My boyfriend simply talks like a white person.

She wore cultures as costumes. Like not growing up wearing durags then wearing one at 25 and dressing up in gang colors and lying about being in a gang, growing up in a ultra-rich suburban neighborhood and explaining to my boyfriend what is like to grow up in the hood(you grew up in the same ultra rich suburb shut up!), Buddhist beads(in her chosen gang color) with long "Buddhist nails" when they were cruel and dehumanizing at every chance, and nothing else about them was Buddhist. She is also immunocompromised, but started the pandemic insisting she wear a paisley bandana(also in the gang color) instead of medical masks I gave her a full pack of.

She claims it's distasteful to talk about feeling animosity towards the 1%, but she loves watching videos of black gangs getting shot.

They were constantly trying to look like "an exotic white person." They never realized they are just white and can only be shown around other people's cultures as a guest, but can never become "one of them." Always just as an outsider.

They taught me part of what whiteness was. Because of them I know about people who are white and nothing else.

This is not a joke. I actually don't know.

I saw some set in ancient China which seemed pretty cool. I'd love to find it and get some subtitles going.

One show had an evil character that was a woman with many lower ear piercings. Starting on her ear lobes, trailing up the edge of her ear. She seemed like a power hungry royal who'd slap and punish other women a lot. Really pretty show. Her looks and character's tendencies are why I remember it.

She responded to accusations of being a Nazi by posting she's proud of "white culture" and I'd like to quit consuming her stuff.

A Chinese communist news site full of happy news is called Sixth Tone.

Another is China's official newspaper, People's Daily.

I love what I've read on there, but I tend to barely read articles. And please, if you spot an podcast in English on one of these sites, let me know!

My perfectionism is disabling. I ban myself from doing anything I don't feel like I'll do perfect at. I barely do things I love and don't know my interests well. I love people and mingling, but I grew up selectively mute until highschool and to this day I have a hard time being direct. I overthink all texts. I used to type one sentence for hours and not send anything. My humor is very underdeveloped because I don't risk bombing jokes. There's so much I won't do unless someone is there encouraging me and enthusiastically approving of what I'm doing. I have severely low self esteem because of my level of perfectionism. I just want to hang out and chill with people and have interests that I act on.

Btw, what do you do when you need to do something you love, fast?

Like in a dehumanizing manner. I want to go by it/they/them but I'm scared I won't be able to handle it if someone does that.

I prefer giving to a mutual aid resource, but other kinds of answers are fine.

I know goodwill is shitty, I won't give to them.

It would be deeply triggering to see him and he is extremely manipulative, plus he has friends that attend the scene. Some of them were doing meth last I saw them over ten years ago.

If I make friends, they could easily link back to him through themselves or multiple people. I seriously cannot tolerate that. I don't want him knowing anything about me and my life.

Do you think I can manage being part of a small scene with these conditions?

I think hexbear has them. Is it a connection thing where cookies spot other cookies? Do tracking cookies matter when it comes to insurance and therapy sites/apps? I'm thinking about therapy that I saw advertised on YouTube, and I bet they're somehow sketchy. And their app requires the use of third party tracking and cookies.

I just don't want these sites/apps to see I'm a communist.

Tips to make friends without spending money are welcome. I've spent years in a city without making friends.

Luckily even though I'm a minority in America, I'm not a minority in my city. :) It's filled with people of my ethnicity. So I have more opportunities to be closer with my people, and I want do the right things to get there.

Btw they don't have to be my ethnicity. Just wanna make friends to begin with. My dream is to meet cool communists around here. It's a minority city, and I figure I can't be the only one.

I'm curious how that could work. That peaks my interest because I've known people who have autism and seem great at socializing. I don't have autism, but I'm very socially awkward, and if autistic people can do that I find it inspirational for my own socializing journey.

A podcaster on Radio Free Totebag casually said it, and idk if it was just as a passing joke, or if they were speaking factually. They mentioned a therapist not liking that they still say they're autistic when it's an old diagnosis.

I'm more exposed to American conservatism. And even here I barely understand it. I used to be Christian, but I left the religion before I realized I was bi, and before I knew genderfluidity and trans people existed.

I guess I'd have to know why individual religious groups, countries, cities,(etc...) have anti-LGBTQ beliefs. Maybe there are no blanket statements that properly address it for the entire world.

Worked a lot as a child and barely played. Missed out on lots of personality development. I have more free time now and I want to play, but I don't totally understand how.

I was told when I have something fun to do, learn to fail the marshmallow test and just immediately eat the marshmallow. I feel paralyzed. I'm used to playing only if I'm invited by someone else to play, and I want to play more when I'm alone.

So far I sometimes draw and read a fun book. Both usually make me anxious, but they bring me feelings of accomplishment.

Please put a warning for brutal content. Sometimes I need to save brutal things for another time.

TW: suicide

Don't want to hurt abusers, but I do want to be able to hurt them and choose not to. I think it'd help me if I gained the ability to imagine physical vengeance. I want this to end in forgiveness.

It's long been unsustainable for me to be a martyr. I waste my life away in maladaptive daydreaming where I imagine helping my past abusers. I've attempted suicide over the grief of past events, which gave me CPTSD and OCD.

I've had multiple physical abusers, and can barely imagine hurting them. I need to build the ability to imagine attacking. I think if I can imagine hurting my attackers and physically punishing them, including just for my own vindictive fun, then maybe I can gain the ability to actually forgive them.

Currently, I imagine giving them what they want, and then magically figuring out a compromise with them where they change their minds and stop being an abuser. (Like dating someone who sees me as a piece of meat, and using the relationship to change their mind so they're not a shithead anymore.) I think that's not actual forgiveness, it's just bending to their will. I cycle through these maladaptive daydreams of self-sacrificing for the benefit of the inhumane, and waste my life in suicidal grief. I'm skipping something crucial...

...I realize cannot truly forgive without making a choice to not hurt them. I think I need to first imagine brutal vengeance. Not to act it out, but as a step to expressing myself differently before I attempt forgiveness.

__________ A friend has also been trying to train me in MMA, but I won't hit for real. I won't spar with them even though I know its good for me. I just imagine stopping danger through compromises that don't actually exist.

One session I hit a bag for real. I was down to punch after someone had attempted to assault me days earlier. Being vindictive seriously helps, and imagining torturing and annihilating the predator was a huge help.

___