"Future" by Safely Endangered

How the fuck did this guy know I shit my pants in 96?

What, you think we forgot?
We all did. It was the collective year of pants shittery.
- To be fair I was a newborn
- I have been wondering wtf was going on for decades...
- Damn, I only got in like 2.5 months of shitting that year
You have 26 more years to invest in some cleanup kits
- I just wear brown pants only

Omg nostalgia overload
- At least he went to heaven and achieved freedom from shitting his pants!

Anybody who hasn't shit their pants between their teens and their thirties is lying about it

Or never had a run in with Olestra
https://www.cookist.com/olestra-the-embarrassing-story-behind-the-once-famous-fat-substitute/
Damn you fat free Pringles!
- Afaik this is just fear mongering
  That article cites no sources, and the FDA has retracted requiring warnings for products containing olestra
  According to Wikipedia:
  When removing the olestra warning label, the FDA cited a six-week P&G study of more than 3000 people showing the olestra-eating group experienced only a small increase in bowel movement frequency compared to the control group.The FDA concluded that "subjects eating olestra-containing chips were no more likely to report having had loose stools, abdominal cramps, or any other GI symptom compared to subjects eating an equivalent amount of [potato] chips"
  Source
  Where I originally heard about olestra
I wish I could deny this, but no: I remember spirting a bit out on my parents' carpet in my late 20s one time when I came down with a sudden case of norovirus.
Another fun fact to go with that is that upon realising that I couldn't go much more than 5 minutes without peeing pure brown liquid out my ass, I did end up just laying in the bath tub for a few hours and let it trickle out whenever it wanted to.
I just curled up in the fetal position and accepted that this was my life. I'd put the shower on to rinse myself down every now and again.
I once clocked into work, and promptly shit my pants because I trusted a fart.
I immediately called my manager and just said "hey I just shit my pants, I'm going to go home and clean up"
She was so flabbergasted with my direct honesty, it was beautiful. Own it, people! We've all done it and the only embarrassing part comes from within!
- When I shat my pants at work, I just told my boss that I needed to leave and he said "OK." You don't even have to think about the shit in your pants with mutual trust and respect.
I feel sorry for the people who have sneezed when they had diarrhea
I haven't, because I'm not a drunk and only do the cool drugs

That’ll be the robo nurse’s problem.

There's a widely spread, rumour that the last Australian Prime Minister - Scott the liar from the Shire Morrison shat himself in an Engadine McDonald's in 1997 after his team, the Cronulla Sharks lost the finals. The rumours were persistent enough that he had to deny the rumours ~20 years later on one of the most popular radio show in the country.

Considering how much time he spends with a gormless shit-eating grin plastered all over his dumb mug, some of that shit was bound to overflow at one point or another.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do today?

Practice makes perfect.

Man, I last shit my pants like... two weeks ago.

And there's very good odds I'll shit my pants again before the new year.

You may want to reconsider your dietary choices, or if that’s not it, see a doctor for either your alcohol problem or your severe digestive issues, depending on which it is.
- Or just stop wearing pants.
You must go to some crazy parties

Technically everyone has shit their pants if you think about it