My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whe...
My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whenever you’re…
The Onion, if you're reading this, you have to be prepared at a moment's notice to publish a follow-up to this article, from the same author, which simply says, "I'm finally dead."
I didn't realize what a violent man he was until he became President. It makes it even more surprising that he's lasted this long. Often, violent people meet violent ends.
Now I am hoping that he doesn't meet any violent end because he deserves to die of old age in prison. Any other outcome is robbing the American people of justice.
Frankly, I'm surprised he's still alive and hasn't been shot in the face yet with a high-powered rifle at point blank range. Not that I'd condone such actions. Never.
Kinda funny this was written in 2013 and three short years later he became president. That's like being told the shittiest person in your life is leaving town but instead they crash your car and win the lottery
Yeah, the bits about how we'd find his mental decline "by 2020" comforting were a bit too on the nose. Maybe we would've, if he wasn't the goddamn president in 2020.
You're all deceiving yourselves. $20 says it's Henry Kissinger all over again. But don't worry, all your friends and family will keep dropping like flies. Maybe I should go to bed.
Assuming they could figure out the right composition of fluid to pump into the jar so that you could have significantly enhanced mortality like that, would you if it meant only your head?